Year End SPECIAL!!!

Crooning on my STEREO: Jackie by BOSSA NOSTRA

This is my final blog entry for 2005; a year that has gone by wistfully and blissfully. Nothing particularly crap happened this year, and even there were, all I can say is WHATEVER.

Life should go smoothly into 2006.

warning: I am gonna be dreadfully long winded with this entry

I used to think that I look cool when I am incredibly drunk.
Actually I look kinda stupid. Like a steamed rabbit. Thus are my memories of SPAIN. I miss the days when we partied hardcore till 6am, stumbled around the city square picking up Gael Garcia Bernal lookalikes (fine, there was only ONE), singing/screaming out David Bisbal's 'OYE EL BOOM BOOM BOOM' in horrendous Spanish before returning back to the hostel at 8am half pissed in time for morning classes.


The great news is that (after procrastinating for 2 months) I've finally launched the THE SPANISH CHRONICLES.

If there's one thing I miss most about SPAIN, it has to be CARACOLACOLA.
Did I mention that I was bawling like a migraine baby in her room an hour before I had to take the bus from Estepona? Well, I almost didn't want to leave.... She was such a DARLING.
And I love her family too, they were such amazing people... I MISS YOU ALL!!!!!!


I thought I'd dedicate a picture to Shirl, a very lovely friend of mine from Brunei who has stood by me through thick and thin. It only hit me recently that those immense pigging out and shopping spree days are over.... and to digest the fact that we're no longer students. DAMN. If there is one girl who can binge 5 meals a day with me... it only has to be her!!
Somehow I hold the faith that our friendship will always remain strong. I think she is one in a million.

Due to the lack of men's interest in me, I have progressively grown madly in LOVE with SEBASTIEN I-ZAM-BARD. Seriously, I think he is so frigging H.O.T.

So H.O.T that it kills me. I used to think that Ronan Keating (okay, hush.. hush..) was VENOMOUS but, boy, SEBASTIEN IS LETHAL. He's 33. I'm 23.
Russell Watson sucks. IL DIVO ROCKS.

Johhny the Landan was a hooligan. Nah, he just taught me cockney. AND conveniently slammed the door onto my face before he learnt of my existence. Okay, I guess we have something in common.
I owe my favourite Landan a belated Xmas present. In actual fact, it WILL be his BIRTHDAY. And for once in my dyslexic paralysis.... I haven't forgotten.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHNNNYY!!!
And I will support Charlton's defeat.... MUAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA

oh, how I love MATT HOLLAND... ;)

I know you all have been waiting for this....
Since the well-loved Kracker has hit the SouthEast Asian shores, I'll let him have some of the limelight. Damn, he looks a hell lot more attractive than me in this photo... IT CANT BE TRUE!!!!!
Good thing is, he is beginning to LOVE IL DIVO. Bad thing is, I find it so frigging difficult to get him DRUNK. I am convinced that this gentleman's digestive system is made out of STEEL.

And this is my cousin Sarah. Well, it is obviously the gorgeous girl on the right. WE WERE AT HAAGEN DAZ'S LEICESTER SQUARE!!!! This cafe is rather nostalgic.. simply due to our constant haunt over a certain Brazillian waiter who, by now, is having nightmares of my hideous face. I miss those times when we used to stalk men and make extremely random remarks over our Spain vs Germany debates.
Distance has kept us apart and we haven't been in as much contact as we used to... but bless her. She loves WESTLIFE. Only goodness knows why!!! :) Come home soon, Sarah :)

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To all my blog readers,
HAVE A FANTASTIC NEW YEAR AND PARTY LIKE THERE'S NO TOMMORROW!!

It will be a new beginning.....
-----------------------------

Note: Lyn's soppy sentimentality is RARE. Indulge in this cheesy post as much as you like before she posts another of this weepy sort in a loooonnngg time....

CHRISTMAS TAG

Crooning on my STEREO: Winter Wonderland by JEWEL

DAMN. ANOTHER TAG.
Here is the latest tag going around bloggoland. Here are the rules real neat and concise like.

To Tag :
• State who tagged you;
• List who you want your Santa Claus to be (the bearer of the gift);
• State the gift you wish to get;
• Then invite a few friends to join the tag, and inform them by dropping a comment in their blog.
---------------------------

Tagged by: My Kor aka. SIMPLE AMERICAN. I am about to chase him around with a butcher knife. Nope. I am NOT serious.

My Santa Claus: DIOS

Gift For Me: Well it came a little early. I found this absolute beauty in my bedroom. My neighbours should be plotting my death sometime soon.

ABSOLUTE BEAUTY

Screw IPOD. This HAS to be the most awesome Christmas present EVER!
There is a Marantz CD player overwhelming my existence. And I see a TEAC amplifier. And two seasoned TANNOYS. Okay, I did make it clear that I initially lusted over a pretty set of Bang and Olufsens. But screw that. I think what I have right now is the most divine sound system....EVER.

I AM ONE LUCKY BITCH

Then again, I've been good all year round. Except for that ocassional scrounging. Oh well, its about time to reap some rewards.

I aint tagging anyone. That is my Christmas present to everyone of you. :)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS y FELIZ NAVIDAD!!!!!!
i am sending you my massive trademark smile. Remember to get high and happy for my sake.

Lots of Love,
LYN xoxoxoxoxo
(Time to get a job..)

Hong Kong- the home of HSBC

Crooning on my STEREO: Corcovado by EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL

I suck. at. UPDATING. My mind. is. DEAD.

SMACK!!!!!!

Despertarme. Hell. I hung out at the hospital cafeteria. And had ALOT of hospital pasta. I got back from Hong Kong a few days back, skint and stripped of dignity. This may be my godzillionth visit, but i brought a camera along and took some random pics of a different world for your viewing pleasure.


This is theTIMES SQUARE that erupts in comparison to the Malaysian shithole of the same name. The coolest place to be seen waiting (& loitering) for an anonymous date who may or may not turn up.

Another shot of the BLINDING billboards. I worry about the electricity consumption.

I think this is WICKED. Chinese Lanterns on a boat!!!! This is so OLDSKOOL.

Repulse Bay (sorry, I had to laugh when I first heard the name..) Hong Kong has more kickass beaches than Malaysia. Look... they have GENUINE WHITE SAND!

Last but not least, a splendid view of the commercial center from the PEAK.

Jeez, I am beginning to sound like a deadpan tourist.

Time for bed. Oh, I love HSBC.

Lyn's X MAS WISHLIST.

Crooning on my STEREO: Siempre Me Quedara by BEBE

Dear Santa,
I am sending this letter to you in advance 'cos I reckon, in a few weeks time, your mailbox will be flooded with stupid letters by stupid children asking you for a gingerbread man and all that sort of rubbish. Well, since I am an old spinster with serious requests I reserve the right to jump the queue. The other feat is that I have been a SAINT this entire year.

Okay, Santa-I-Grant-Every-Wish, here's my 2005 X Mas wishlist.

- SEBASTIEN IZAMBARD
- BODY FAT REDUCTION
- BANG AND OLUFSEN SPEAKER SYSTEM
- MORE MALAYSIAN FRIENDS
- KRACKER TO HAVE A BLAST IN KL
- ARSENAL TO GO ON A WINNING STREAK
- CHELSEA, WIGAN & MANYOO to LOSE
- PUTUMAYO CDs
- NO DEATHS
- MORE $$$$$
- A CAR. A DECENT CAR.
- SELF ESTEEM
- AN APPEARANCE IN FISHERMAN'S FRIEND TELLY COMMERCIAL
- HAPPINESS

That's it for the moment. I'm off to catch a plane to HMV Hong Kong to nab the latest IL DIVO Dvd before the other deluded DIVAS snatch them from stock. Don't miss me too much, I will bombard you with a longer list in a weeks time.

Cheers from your Siren,
LYNNNNNNNNNN

p.s: Here's a photo in any case you should forget me. (Yeah, I'm the dog.)

HELP

Crooning on my STEREO: Over the Rainbow by IL DIVO

THAT'S IT. I am addicted to IL DIVO like a drug.

Beats marijuana anytime.

90 hours have passed and I still have them on Loop.

I NEED HELP

If you are sick of my I-love-Sebastien blabber, do check this awesome blog Brighter Death for a breath of fresh, rejuvenating air.

I am off to HONG KONG next week. After that I will post the long awaited encore SPANISH CHRONICLES before I retire from the blogosphere in 2006.

"Someday I wish upon a star and wake up where clouds are far behind me....'

Bewitched.

Crooning on my STEREO: Ti Amero by IL DIVO

60 hours have passed since I bought IL DIVO's debut album, and I am STILL listening to them on loop.

Can't get enough of those guys.

'Crying is refuge for plain women. Pretty women go shopping!'-Oscar Wilde's Lady Windermere's Fan.
It really sucks to window shop.

But it is okay to play Oliver Twist every now and then.

(Special announcement: EYERIS embarked on a charitable deed by including me in his special Malaysian bloggers' 2006 Calendar!!!. Now, this is a guy with a heart of GOLD!) I'm a calendar girl... wooohoooooooooo!!!

WHY IL DIVO is THERAPEUTIC. Part ONE.

Crooning on my STEREO: Passera by IL DIVO

Today I am going to defend my lust for IL DIVO.


1) When I am feeling aboslutely SORRY for myself. When I have a crap hair day. When I go for vocal training and I can't hit the high E note. When I fail a casting audition because I forgot a required costume. When some stupid juvenile kid down the street laughs at my chubby thighs....

Why IL DIVO helps...
THEY SHOW ME LOVE.. Well, not literally.
Listen to their first album and close your eyes. Visualise a group of 4 gorgeous Armani clad men serenading you with a blissful combination of tenor and baritone voices in European dialects.
Listen to track 5- Everytime I Look At You.

Sebastien (pic below) is GODSENT. I'd give away all my handbags just to have him SERENADE ME.
---------------------------------

2) My favourite pair of kitten heels were wrecked beyond recognition by none other than PURE HORSE SHIT yesterday. I was so fucking pissed off. I STILL AM. It is as though I just chucked 49ringgit down the drain. (translate: 15 Euros down the gutter). That's a fucking hell lot of money to an unemployed fart like me.

Today I live PAINFULLY with the fact that I DO NOT have a pair of NEW SHOES to flaunt during Christmas and New Year. How miserable.

Why IL DIVO helps...
Simple. Blasting their divine voices on maximum volume makes me CRY in the state of ecstasy. And by CRYING you release tension. And then you get TIRED. And then you SLEEP. And forget about your HORSE SHIT MISFORTUNE.

Just for the time being.
---------------------------------

3) Since graduating, I feel absolutely unemployed, skint and hopeless. Something to the lines of being a beggar. Under a roof.

Why IL DIVO helps...
THEY SHOW YOU LOVE. Again. Listen to 'A Mi Manera' which is the remake of Frank's I DID IT MY WAY. (Now don't take the piss, I know its not original material but at least they do sing it well....)
---------------------------------

4) My casting agents are pissing me off. They are not getting me enough auditions.

Why IL DIVO helps...
All four dudes of the band had to go through Satan's auditions under the watchful eyes of SIMON COWELL. Now, go and tell me how much SHIT they have to go through to get a place in the band....... thats besides the point. It only takes ONE AUDITION to make a difference.
So patience is virtue.
---------------------------------

5) This sucks. I thought I have grown out of my boyband fetish years. I think I am bored.

Why IL DIVO helps...
Falling in love with a certain gentleman who sings under the fancy category of vox populi proves that IL DIVO IS NOT A BOYBAND.Fancying a celebrity gives you something to do in your free time. Por ejemplo, staying up till four every night running a search on GOOGLE on whether he is married improves your analytical skills.

So I am not as useless as I think I am.
-------------------------------

6) I did miss out on *ahem* a dude who resembles Sebastien from IL DIVO. I am kicking myself everyday because of that. I am such a COW.

Why IL DIVO helps...
Its okay. At least I can brag that I snogged a celebrity look-a-like.


TELL ME, HOW CAN YOU RESIST THIS???

Fuck, I can't.

Assholometer Bounty

Crooning on my STEREO: Bedshaped by KEANE


The one and only MIGHTY VINCENT came up with a wicked bounty tag in his sadistic quest of unearthing the devil out of self-proclaimed saints.

Everybody knows what a lovely girl I am. There's no denial that I have commited more saintly deeds than you mere mortals. Come on, I am LYN. The epitome of all perfection and divine purity. Ask anyone, they will say that I am NICE. And SWEET. And ANGELIC.

Today I will share some great deeds of virtue with my fellow readers:

- When I was in lower primary, I formed a juvenile gang and picked on this kid who wrecked my favourite helium balloon during a class party.

- When I was in upper primary, this bitch dared me to slap her in the school compound (which I gleefully did, of course) and her mother trotted to school the next day to hunt me down. I tactically missed school that same day to avoid that mad-mother- of-a-whore.

- I had to listen to a lame twit whinge on how miserable her life was (which was blindingly NOT miserable by my standards) for 3 hours on MSN.
The very next day I shared every detail of her misery with my family, friends and cab driver.

- 7 years ago, I convinced this girl in school that I was JON BON JOVI's secret lover. She believed me and she was (and possibly, still) in awe of me.

- I deny men who have ever been involved with me in any way.

- I helped myself to a hell lot of expensive art supplies from my high school's art room. Why? Because the teacher's a bitch. I even nicked an excerpt of her diary for comic relief.

- I take the piss out of 85% of the Malaysians living in London. They are the perfect picture of patriotism/materialism on foreign soil.

- If I hate your guts, I REALLY DO.
I am able to make half the nation boycott a cosmetics company simply because I depise a certain swine who works there.

- On days when I am intoxicated, I consciously choose to spit onto cars with single digit number plates.

- A chinky eyed girl in London snatched an acting role which could have been MY career break..... I spent 3 working days heavily bitching about her to everyone I meet.

- I can bitch about Wayne Rooney and his gang of merry men like there's no tommorrow.

- I take the piss out of 13-year-olds. Or rather, anyone who is younger than me. Or thinner than me.

- I tell everyone that I am a supporting artiste in the upcoming DA VINCI CODE. It's up to you to believe me or not.


----------------------------------------------

Project description: (written by the one and only VINCENT)

"I am quite a big asshole, eh? This project is called 'The Assholometer Bounty' simply because it is interesting find out, now that you guys know of my evilness, how much you would pay to get rid of me? How much would you be willing to fork out to rid the world of someone like me? Pillage my commenting box with any figure and I will total up the assholometer bounty as we go along.

Let's face it. As much as people like to claim that they are nice people, everybody is an asshole deep down inside. In fact, not enough people are proud of the evil things they did. With the exception of a couple of guys, I don't think enough people blog about their 'assholic' tendencies. Wouldn't it be a joy to read of more people being evil?

1) All you guys have to do is blog about your most 'assholic' deed (or a few, if you wish) in order to get your readers to raise your bounty. The higher your bounty, the better.
2) Copy out these last few paragraphs including the project description.
3) In keeping with being an 'asshole', you are free to spread this meme along to as many people as you wish (the more the merrier since everybody hates memes)."
- vincent
----------

I tag:
Caracola
Kracker
Simple American
SocialPest
Steve
Reubster

And to anyone who desires to reveal the inner demons of their personalities.

Stupid Kiss Test

Crooning on my STEREO: Tal Vez by FRAN PEREA

Your Kissing Purity Score: 57% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test

Funny how men perceive me as a LEPER in Malaysia.

PMS

Crooning on my STEREO: My Favourite Game by THE CARDIGANS

For those who do not know,
I float in between two worlds. A month ago I met Mr. Pink Hibiscus by the Andalusian beach....

LYN IS LOST.


I am such a cow. It is that time of the month.

<------------------>




QUEIRO VOLVER A EUROPA!!!!! POR QUE ESTOY AQUI?!?!?!?!?!?

It's okay. I've lost my celebrity status. I seriously need to sort my self esteem....

I WILL CHECK INTO A REHAB.

Damn everything. I am redundant.

Oh, I am bloated too.

Stupid Cow

Crooning on my STEREO: El Universo Sobre Mi by AMARAL

I was browsing through a shallow magazine yesterday when I spotted a rather familiar face. Much to my horror.



Let's see. I do recall picking up a random dude in Malaga who LOOKED EXACTLY like the dude above. And this dude claimed that he was Argentinian. And this dude SPOKE SPANISH IN A BIZARRE FRENCH ACCENT. Damnnit. This dude even had a sexy voice.

Point is, WHY DIDN'T I FOLLOW HIM HOME THAT NIGHT ?!?


As a result Lyn is in constant pain.

The CHINESE Chronicles

Summer Palace, Beijing, China.
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: Saturday Night by BON JOVI

Ni Hao Ma??? My Mandarin SUCKS. Therefore I was useless when I was in China. It is such a shame when I stepped foot on my ancestral land for the first time.. and knew NOTHING of the language. MANDARIN IS A BEAUTIFUL LANGUAGE. I only speak Cantonese; the slightly less graceful dialect of the Chinese language (Think English versus Gaelic) which isn't exactly useful in BEIJING.

HIGHLIGHT #1: THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA


Yeah you could tell I was pretty KNACKERED.Such a frigging long hike up and down 60degree slopes. We visited a part of the bridge that isn't massively popular, so we literally had the entire bridge to ourselves. This is the view from one of the highest points....
Quite a crap photograph but the view is definitely worth the climb. I forgot to tell you that IT WAS FRIGGING COLD!!!!!!.

The Great Wall is definitely my favourite Beijing haunt....YOU MUST VISIT THIS ANCIENT WONDER AT SOME POINT OF YOUR LIFE. Shoot yourself if you fail to agree with me.

HIGHLIGHT #2: TEMPLES. TEMPLES. TEMPLES.
Temples are EVERYWHERE. I am not going to start naming each and everyone of them because chances are you'll forget their names anyway. The lovely photo on the right is the LAMA TEMPLE. Yep, it is TIBETAN. Lots of Buddha statues, monks, joss sticks and TOURISTS.

Tourists are O-K-A-Y. It is worse when they bring their imbecile kids along on holiday.

Then I encountered a TIBETAN GOOD-LUCK WHEEL. As you can see, I was desperately spinning it for dear life. Not that I am horribly downtrodden at present... it is part of human nature to be GREEDY.

OH BLESS ME

BIGGEST RIP-OFF: THE FORBIDDEN CITY.
I don't get it. People RAVE so much about it. I know it is a fancy palace. Larger than Versailles. Larger than Shrewsbury. Like, WOW.
But it is OVERRRATED. Come on, when you've seen places such as THE TEMPLE OF HEAVEN and THE SUMMER PALACE , the Forbidden City falls straight off my list. Firstly, it is so BLOODY CROWDED. I propose that stupid kids should be banned from tourist spots. Not that 6 year olds possess ample brain cells to learn about Chinese history anyway. They should be left with the PANDAS in the BEIJING ZOO.

Secondly, THERE ARE ABOUT 5 THRONE ROOMS AND THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME. Stop kidding me. I didn't pay 45 yuan to watch throne room duplicates. Where did you hide your antiques? Or show me some decent relics that are restored. Everything, including the royal throne, looks like its been fished out of the well.

Thirdly, THERE ARE NO MAPS. Well there are no free ones anyway. In English. You tell the ticket counter that you are a TOURIST and they give you a map shrouded in Chinese characters. If you want an English map, you have to get it off some dodgy PIRATES for 3 yuan. If all fails, you will be forced to wander around a massive pueblo with a compass.
-------------------------
Nature is definitely China's most beautiful.
NEXT STOP: TIBET IN 2007

Are you local?

I found paradise 2 weeks ago.
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: Walk Away by FRANZ FERDINAND

A salesman in a shoe shop asked me,

'ARE YOU LOCAL?'

I wanted to maul him. Like a lion stranded in a famine for 4 weeks.

I am speaking of a MALAYSIAN asking a MALAYSIAN whether she's MALAYSIAN.

Okay. WELCOME HOME, LYN. You have chosen to dwell in your supposed birthplace where your own people can't even tell that you have spent 18 years of your life breathing local air and investing heavily in their shoe (and food) industry.

You may even have to ditch your 'universal' english accent in order to be understood.

Speak S L O W Y, I mean.

and what about your 20hrs of sunlight-MEDITERRANEAN TAN- acquired from ESPANA? Well ditch it as well. Because it is considered UGLY. According to the chinese malaysians anyway. Apparently they do not want their sons to marry you because you apparently look like you've been slaving it out at the construction site in harmony with the immigrant builders.

Hold on Lyn, your RELATIVES are watching you like HAWKS. They can't wait to feed on your supposedly dead body because they BELIEVE that you have ended your hopes of a glamorous career BECAUSE you have taken the FATAL step to leave London. This will be their opportunity to flaunt their stupid kids aka. child prodigies who are currently slutting their ways abroad in multinational corporations and overrrated London universities.

WELCOME HOME LYN. WELCOME HOME.
I THINK THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

----------------------------
NOTE: Sorry for the lack of updates (again!) I just got my ass back to SoutheastAsia and am currently renovating my bedroom! Too much to do. Too much to settle....
Tommorrow I will leave for Beijing China for a week to track down my ethnic roots..

I will be back in time to post the first series of THE SPANISH CHRONICLES.....brace yourselves and get those PCs fixed!

Cinco Dias mas.

5 days till I leave Malaga for Londres.
And a hell lot of photos are on the way.........

Prelude to the Spanish Chronicles

Crooning on my STEREO: Speed of Sound by COLDPLAY

Hola mi amigos!!!
Yo estoy en ESPANA!!!

Okay peeps I have been away for two weeks and it has gone by like a blitzkrieg. Next saturday I will be making my way back to London where reality will whack me in the head. I will also be seeing some of my dearest friends for the last time in a very long time, so my psyche is submerged in the form of ensalada mixta.

So much has happened in the last few weeks that I can´t put it all down in a single post. I have never ever felt so good in my entire life. Sometimes I even question what the fuck I have done to deserve all this. I am not talking about boyfriends and all that shit. I am speaking about discovering that

LIFE HAS SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR.

As soon as I manage to upload a whole load of photos sometime week after next, I will launch a series of Spanish Chronicles. I wont say more about it, but i can assure you that it will be fun to read! (think drunk nights, constipation, serenading Spaniards.. etc)

SENORITA LYN IS A CHANGED PERSON!!!!

And I will be meeting lovely Caracolacola tommorrow in Marbella and this weekend I will head to Sevilla. Life really does not get any better than this....... ME GUSTA MUCHO MUCHO MUCHO MUCHO MUCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Mucho besos y abrazos para todo!!

VIVA.

I AM IN SPAIN

okay. I have written a whole load of lovaly things but this damned public computer has masterfully deleted it from me. How's marvellous!

Anyway, i was just saying that I owe you all an explanation for disappearing the last week or so. Truth is that I am currently having some of the best times of my life.. at this very moment.

At this moment as I write, I am living a 4 year old dream which is still, in a faze, seem unreal to me. Ive learnt that I do not need a man to make me happy. Ive learnt that food is not the consolation to displaced grief.

I have learnt that life is just ahead of me. So I decided to take an action.

On the 22nd of September, I packed my bags and left.

I found myself in Calais Frethun, where Kracker drove me across the French border into a lovely seaside town of Koljside, Belgium. The next day we were in Bruges and then in a lovely local town of Vuerne. The next day, at barely 8 in the morning we took a detour into Cap Blanc Nez, which i believe is France's best kept secret. I recall what I said... 'I think I found Heaven!'.
I owe it all to Kracker and his genorosity for giving some of the best holidays I've ever had despite embarassing myself infront of him, his family and their friends!

I left Belgium barely 24hours ago and now I am plunked in MALAGA. I can't believe this. Nothing is sinking in. In a few days time I will be heading to Cordoba and Granada. And then I will also meet the gorgeous Caracolacolacola too!!

Okay, in case this goddamned comp fucks up on me again, I better go. Time to catch the sun, find myself and live life MY WAY.

Yes. I am VERY HAPPY. TOO HAPPY.

LOVE TO YOU ALL FROM SPAIN... as my credit is running out i am unable to visit all your blogs but you are all on my mind.
HUGS!

Once upon a time...

Crooning on my STEREO: Stranded by JENNIFER PAIGE

Once upon a time, I used to take the piss out of first year undergrads scrounging the streets after 3am. They are usually pissed. These pack of 'girlies' are scantily dressed and they cling on to their girlfriends for dear life to maintain their grip on the road. After that they shamelessly puke (aka. pollute) several times by the roadside. Strange black (and warm) liquid usually flow from their mouths like some goddamn waterfall. Their girlfriends will rummage through their handbags for some tissue. Then they get onto a cab. And then puke through the window.

LAST NIGHT, I DID THE EXACT SAME THING.

Fucking hell. I never knew this day will ever come. Someone please slap me.

BREAKING NEWS

ONE WEEK AGO
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: You're gonna make me lonesome by MADELEINE PEYROUX

BEHOLD! Lyn may have vanished from the blog-o-sphere for about a week or so... but FEAR NOT..... she has blissfully embarked on a new phase of her life.....

SHE IS NO LONGER A FRIGGIN STUDENT!!!!!!!!!

So that makes me officially 'unemployed.' But fuck it, I don't EVER have to endure midnight slogs, bloody deadlines, reading lame journals, making a pile of sith in my room...... FUCK EM ALL!!!!!!!!!

AS YOU CAN SEE... I AM BLOODY LOVING THIS!!!!!!!

The next few weeks is going to be mayhem, so I am just going to show you all some LOVE:

- I have broken a personal record by handing in 17000 words THREE days ahead of SCHEDULE. Fuccckkkkk!!!

- For the past 1.5 weeks, my total sleeping hours was 30 hours. And that is certainly NOT going to increase within the next few days.

- Lovely EYERIS is in town and I dragged him to HIGHBURY this morning. He REFUSED to have his photograph taken with EMIRATES STADIUM although he was evidently quite IMPRESSED by it... MUAHAHA! (he's a BENITEZ supporter btw)

- The total amount of Alcohol intake within this week: 30 litres to date. (Add an extra ten litres when I visit KRACKERin Belgium next weekend.

- I will be selling my amazing ALTEC LANSING speakers+subwoofer. Breaks my heart to do so but it is virtually impossible to lug it home. Who wants to inherit it for 50 quid??

- A week from now, I will be on board for my mad one-month holiday to ESPANA!!!!!! And looking forward to catch some REAL sun with Caracolacolacola!!!!!!

- Final work as a FILM EXTRA on MONDAY. This time I will be stuck in BRIXTON shooting the whole day, and that is such a prestigious way to say goodbye to my 6 month film career in London..

- Tuesday will my FINAL job as a miserable waitress!! I don't EVER have to break my arms lugging around champagne bottles to feed drunken old men in posh art galleries. NO MORE!!! NO MORE!!!

- I will be moving out of my gorgeous London flat next Friday: I guess I am going to miss it despite the ridiculous rent and the lightbulb consumption that costs 7 quid each.

- Off to CANTERBURY this weekend for a dose of English Nostalgia. Thank you, mi hermana.

- To all my Girlfriends, boyfriends and gayfriends out there, NEXT WEEK WILL BE YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SEE ME IN LONDON!!
(I know my appointment list is fully booked at the mo, but there's always a waiting list.. MUAHAHA..or come and see me in spain if you're DYING to...)

--------------------------------------

To all my readers, thanks so much for constantly dropping by my site despite my lack of updates (translate=LAZINESS)... The next few weeks will see fewer posts but I will try and get online as much as I can.
Meanwhile you can all go and envy my unemployed status....LOVE YOU ALL!

FATkin's DIET

Absolute Monster in my Kitchen.
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: You're Beautiful by JAMES BLUNT

Today I bring you a new REVOLUTIONARY self-prescribed diet:

LYN'S FATKINS DIET

For the aspiring celebrity who dreams endlessly of expanding her waistline, increasing her dress size and oozing her sex appeal, the FATKINS DIET is just what you need.

To achieve that gorgeous body you've always dreamed of, just follow this revolutionary diet plan for 3 days:

MORNING:
1) 150grams of Walkers Thai Sweet Chilli Potato Crisps
2) Hot chocolate with full cream milk.
3) 3 scrambled eggs
4) 1 tablespoon of mayonaise straight from the jar.

AFTERNOON:
1) 1 foot long toasted Subway Meatball Marinara Sandwich- ask for extra MEAT.
2) 2 cans of DIET COKE
3) 2 packets of 50g Walkers Sour Cream Chips

MID AFTERNOON:
1) Your choice of 1 McDonald's Sandwich- the more OIL the merrier.
2) 1 Large McDs Fries drenched in BBQ sauce

EVENING:
1) 4 Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Donuts
2) 1 Can of Lemonade Soda
3) 2 portions of Laughing Cow Cheese

LATE EVENING:
1) 1 Large portion of cheap Lamb Doner Kebab drowned in Mayonaise
2) 1 Tomato Juice
3) 1 gigantic slice of pita bread

BEFORE BEDTIME:
1) 1 Imodium Indigestion Tablet.


RESULTS GUARANTEED IN THREE DAYS.

Disclaimer: ynglyn.blogspot.com will not be held responsible over any loss of lives, regurgitation, constipation or psychological trauma caused while attempting this diet.

Seven Sins

Facial Masque
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: White Flag by DIDO
Tagged by CrazyCat... cheers cos this is a brilliant way to PROCRASTINATE!!

Seven things that scare me
1. Me.
2. My bank account.
3. Reverse Parking.
4. Casting auditions
5. Real Banshees.
6. Sex
7. Niagara Falls.

Seven things I like the most
1. My family.
2. All the dogs in the world.
3. Europe.
4. Men.
5. Foie Gras.
6. Ipod
7. Films

Seven important things in my room
1. My 15yr old hippo.
2. A photo of my late Sam
3. Chequebook
4. Reyes
5. Wardrobe
6. Sleeping pills
7. Subwoofer


Seven random facts about me
1. I am a girl
2. I have 6 piercings and a tattoo.
3. I weigh more than 60kg
4. I was dumped by a jerk who said I wasn't thin enough.
5. I am jealous of Keira Knightley
6. I can't cook
7. I am left handed.

Seven things I plan to do before I die
1. Decide on the guestlist for my funeral.
2. Walk on the Cannes red carpet as the star.
3. Travel South America/ Africa
4. Make sure my kids have an EU passport.
5. Build animal shelters all over Southeast Asia.
6. Eat mayonaise drenched kebab like there's no tommorrow.
7. Confess to Iker Casillas how much I lusted over him.


Seven things I can do
1. Sleep
2. Eat
3. Drink
4. Piss
5. Love
6. Laugh
7. Pretend that I am stupid.


Seven things I can't do
1. Think
2. Diet
3. Lie
4. Bungee Jumping
5. Cartwheels
6. Slaughter a live chicken
7. Be a porn star.

Seven things I say the most
1. Thanks, man
2. Sot (chinese for 'insane')
3. Fucker
4. Sorry
5. Frigging Hot
6. Mieda
7. What the hell


Seven celeb crushes
1. Frontman of Franz Ferdinand
2. Gael Garcia Bernal
3. Jose Reyes
4. Iker Casillas
5. Thierry Henry
6. Pedro Almodovar
7. Jose Mourinho

Seven people who will have to do this:
1.YOU
2.YOU
3.YOU
4.YOU
5.YOU
6.YOU
7.YOU

KARAOKE

SHYING AWAY.......
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: Love Me Right by ANGEL CITY

I was inspired by Crazy Cat's Blog Entry to dedicate an entire post to my 3rd LOVE-KARAOKE

People who know me personally will OBVIOUSLY NOTICE that I ADORE KAROKE SESSIONS. They will also notice that I TOTALLY SUCK AT IT.

But WHO FUCKING CARES?

Singing is THERAPEUTIC.Not only it is an outlet for your exasperated souls, karaoke sessions has an ability to turn you into a TEMPORARY STAR.

(But it is also fascinating how everyone avoids you the next day if YOU SCREW UP. Oh well, no wonder some stars shoot themselves dead.)

I have compiled a comprehensive song list which makes me thrive as a KARAOKE STAR. Try these when you have the chance:

1) Sometimes When We Touch by ROD STEWART.
This is absolutely failproof as a karaoke debut. The notes are low, it is a man's song and the lyrics are soppy enough for strangers to acquaint with your sentimental side as a serious singer.

2) Flying without Wings by WESTLIFE
This song is fucking easy to start with. It begins with an accapella section for you show off your sultry vocals. The notes are constantly in the low but BEWARE, there is also a HIGH part towards the end. When that high octave approaches (goes along the lines of ,'So impossible.. as they may seem..') quickly pass the microphone to the person next to you or pretend that you have to answer your mobile....

3) How Do I Live by LEANN RIMES
This is the song I choose when some guy I fancy fucks my mind up before the karaoke session. Yeah, I know it takes a hell lot of skill to hit those high notes like Leann Rimes, but who said karaoke singing isn't about emotions???

4) The End of World by SKEETER DAVIS
Another personal favourite. Relatively easy to sing, logical lyrics and a sure-hit if you have old family relatives watching.

5) My Heart Will Go On by CELINE DION
Now, ONLY ATTEMPT THIS IF YOU ARE DRUNK.
Seriously.

6) GUANTANAMERA
Another failproof song. Apparently I sing better in Spanish than to speak it. People are often drawn to you if you attempt a karaoke song in a foreign language. Just make sure there are no native speakers nearby....

7) Unbreak My Heart by TONI BRAXTON
Make sure you are DRUNK, EMOTIONAL and INTOXICATED when you attempt this. This song is fucking EXCELLENT if you are DUMPED the day before the karaoke session. And make sure only your good friends are around you.

8) ANY BOYZONE SONG
Everyone can sing a Boyzone song without difficulty. Karaoke versions of their songs are often lowered to neutral key, which means that there are no high notes to hit. (including Stephen Gately's parts)

9) AVOID ANY MARIAH CAREY SONGS
I know some of you fancy screaming out HERO on microphone.. but have mercy on the listeners. To take on Mariah's songs is to have extraordinary lungpower, perfect pitch vocals and amazing passion.... a combination which is one in a million. Only try her songs if you want to shame yourself to oblivion.

10) RICKY MARTIN
Best way to end any over-pissed party with some Living La Vida Loca anthems because by then everyone would be too drunk to notice if you're completely out of tune......
---------------------------

Disclaimer: This songlist DOES NOT reflect on my music taste. I listed them down because they are usually found in most karaoke machines....

To Be or Not To Be

Poison Apple.
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: Somewhere in my Past by IL DIVO

FRIEND: Hello Lyn. How are you?

LYN: Better than ever! How about you? How was your trip to Spain?

FRIEND: Brilliant, we had so much sun!!

LYN: But you don't have a tan.....

FRIEND: You should see my son, he is AS BROWN AS YOU.

Lyn: Ohh... I ... See....

FRIEND: In fact he is TOO BROWN. We told him to stay off the water but he stuck in there.

LYN: Uh Huh.......

FRIEND: So now he is BROWN. He is ROASTED.

LYN: Sunburnt?

FRIEND: Yeah, that too. But it is his NEW SKIN COLOUR that is shocking.

LYN: Bet he looks AS GOOD AS ME....... he should join me at Regent's Park later to top it up.....


WHY ARE THERE SO MANY PEOPLE AGAINST MY TAN?!!??!?