Crooning on my STEREO: Pump It by BLACK EYED PEAS
I have been thinking about a possible FACE JOB. Everyone's talking about it at the workplace.
Of course, when you're caged in a mistakenly glamorous industry, having pretty little face WORKS WONDERS. People will be generally nicer to you, clients will pursue you, you get deals done, you get a phenomenal payrise and your boss wont be inclined to use your pretty little face as a punchbag.
(Rather than to wait years for him to bloom into a decent-looking swan, the Ugly Duckling would have speed up the process by resorting to surgery so that the other ducks in the pond will be more compassionate towards him from the start. Don't you just LOVE this shallow world? )
But hey, might as well throw in a course of full body LIPOSUCTION . And leg extensions, too? I'd love a boob job as well.
By now you would have noticed that I am (was) a failed actress. I don't doubt my acting skills though.When I attended auditions in Malaysia, they specifically said they would prefer a PAN ASIAN for the job. Even one who resembles a mongloid will suffice. Oh, they even lovingly advised me to lose 75% of my body mass.
Back in London, I swear I could have scored a cameo in the DA VINCI CODE but casting agents said they would rather hire someone is a UK citizen. FINE. The best of all, they complained I didn't look ORIENTAL enough.
But not all hope is lost,
I DO HAVE A SOLUTION.
Instead of sitting on my butt and propagating my woes to the world, I shall take ACTION.
I shall transform my current monstrosity to inspire the world to LOVE me.
THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
I bet you took me seriously..... Didn't you? ;)