PESTS you ought to ELIMINATE.

1) RED ANTS aka FERRARI FANS--> Just because these Tifosi(s) are having a fucking good season they go around BITING and taunting others.

2) WORMS aka GOSSIP QUEENS --> They only want to meet up with you just to DIG into your life and spread it across their busybody communities.

3) PRAYING MANTIS(es) aka RELIGIOUS HYPOCRITES --> Churchgoers who drive flashy cars to park on holy grounds. They pretend to PRAY but they are actually thinking of a Gucci bag.

4) FLIES aka FREELOADERS --> They constantly HOVER around you hoping they'd get a free meal or a one night accomodation at your place.

5) BUTTERFLIES aka GIRLS who MANIPULATE MEN with their BEAUTY --> These frail creatures FLUTTER around men, enchanting them with their 'beauty' and 'fragile' state so as to manipulate the opposite sex to carry shopping bags for them. Remember: BUTTERFLIES ARE FRAGILE.

6) BEES aka PEOPLE who INSULT without THINKING --> Some idiot once told me that people who write well usually have no friends. That is the most brainless assumption I have ever heard from an untalented fool. Bees STING without rationalizing.. remember???

7) MILLIPEDES aka ROAD HOGS --> They are so damned SLOW that it just pisses you off.

8) MOSQUITOES aka CLINGY FRIENDS --> They TRAIL you and insists on INTRUDING into your life. Then they try to suck all of your good blood by infecting you with AIDES Fever.

9) COCKROACHES aka SLY FOXES/ THIEVES --> They HIDE in the dark corners of your room and once you are caught offguard, they DEVOUR your belongings.

10)SPIDERS aka DOMINEERING 2-FACERS --> They may seem harmless, but they quietly SPIN a WEB all around you when you least expect it. Once you're helpless, they DOMINATE and EAT you.
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p.s: Someone told me to start posting CLUBBING photos on my blog to enhance its popularity. Ahem... does this look like a SLUT BLOG to you?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2 MI HERMANA!!!!!!!!!!

Don't freak, the image above is a still from one of my sister's favourite films, Tarkovsky's Andrei Rublev. I could never get myself to watch it, as much as serious film critics will rave about the film..
I JUST CAN'T.

I mean, look at the film still. Just look at it. Does it appeal to you?
Would YOU want to sit through 3 hours and watch a Russian monk/artist pay for his sins on earth? (That was just a preconception I got from the DVD cover, it may not be so.)

Mind you, this is no Passion of Christ. No sadomasochistic gore. No diluted tomato ketchup splashing all over the set. It does not send the weak minded into a spiritual revival. No Monica Bellucci as repentant Magdalene. No LOTR's WormTongue lookalike demon persona lurking in the background cradling a baby remincscent to Austin Powers. No Mel Gibson.

Most of you will say, 'I thought Tarkovsky was a Baroque composer?' Some grade 8 piano students actually said that.

No. Andrei Tarkovsky is a revelation to Russian cinema.
My sister acknowledges that. And she is not even a film student. In fact, my sister is a degree holder in both Art History and Film Studies without actually spending three years studying Visual Culture. She knows more than I know in my course without investing £7950 for an obligatory piece of paper. She knows more about the French surrealists than my thesis supervisor. I am just a redundant puppet in my course.

She even visits their graves in Paris.

If you think coming to Broadway Cinema with me is mundane, you are naive. While I do somersaults watching Almodovar's films, she'd rather watch Godard's Breathless. Spanish sleaziness versus the French 'beating around the bush': You can see how our interests conflict.

We are very different. I am a 20 year old empty teenybopper whereas she is a worldly-wise romantic. She has the greatest wit of our generation, and a genius in her own right. And hell, her sarcastic humour can put the devil to shame.... 'La Bicicletta'...

As my sister once told me, 'Travelling is education.'
I can't stand people who travel to Paris and come back claiming that they are cultured just because they have visited The Louvre, or perhaps,barged into an obscure art dealer.
You learn with a sincere approach, not because you want to brag to your friends. You travel because you sincerely WANT to travel, not because you subscribe to peer pressure. (Very common student phenomena in Malaysian cases)

If there is one person who deserves to travel the world for the right reasons, it would be my sister. And if you think that I am special, that's because my sister has inspired me in every way.

No, I am still NOT going to watch Andrei Rublev.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY and Many happy returns!!!!!!

lots of love and God bless,
Su Hermana Yng Lyn

10:41am La Puerta Principal de New College: Waiting for good ol' Nacho who would eventually turn up 30mins later. Bless him!!! I felt like a total townie squating on the staircase.  

10 reasons why you'd never date me.

After much self analysis, I've figured out why I am date-less. This is in response to the lovely bunch of you who said that i wasn't repulsive, but read on...

1) Apart from bad visual memory, I cannot remember numbers. That includes birthdays, addresses etc.. (I am beginning think that I am dyslexic.) People often give me shit when i ask the same question twice.

2) I often insist on paying for meals. I think its genetics, i come from a generous family. I trick myself by not withdrawing cash but i end up reaching the limit on my credit card.

3) I swear way too much.

4) I start every conversation with ,'oh my god.. did you see Reyes?' Its also kinda stressful when you see that my room are covered with glaring posters of men.

5) I wolf down my meals. And talk to you when vegetables are still stuck on my teeth.

6) I whine about the size of my bum in every single damned conversation.

7) I never finish the drinks that you buy me.

8) I watch films which makes the half of you sleep.

9) I am naive. So you'll have to treat me like a kid when you date me.

10) I am not pretty. FULL STOP.

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I sprained my leg during ice training yesterday and I've been limping since, thus, moral of the story: STRETCH BEFORE YOU EXERCISE!!!!!!

Blowing Kisses to the Sky

I called home yesterday and had a rather hilarious chat with my family. My dad insisted on marrying me off to Christiano Ronaldo rather than Jose Reyes. My mum was confusing me with the frenzied itinery of the Austria/Swiss tour. My sister and I had a good laugh at the indispicable adventures of a 'bicycle'.

Shirl and I had a big pleasant lunch this afternoon. I will be seeing Mr.Nacho tommorrow. And Mr. Tortilla the day after. Possibly, Mr. Tomato Salsa the following weekend.

I have started a diary to note every strong emotion I encounter, so that they will come into good use if I am to appear on the silver screen the near future.

This is a gorgeous quote from Almodovar's El Matador
'Eversince the first time I saw you kill, I've searched for you in the all the men I've loved. I've tried to imitate you when I killed others.'

I am too lazy to explain the above quote. Go watch the film, there's a copy in the Beeston Vid store. I have training at the ice center tonight,and I can hardly lift my myself.

I am blowing kisses to the sky so that it wont rain when i catch the bus tonight.

With my luck, it probably will.

And of course, I am also sending my blessings to a very dear friend who is on the other side of the country. God, how i miss him!!

Good thing we are all under the same sky :)

SMiLE!!!! And have a wonderful day today despite the winter showers on a summer morning!! I am missing home!!
 

RESOLUTIONS

After much psychological wrecking the past 3 weeks, I desperately need to tie up some loose ends. This is what I have been crooning the entire rainy morning:

'When you come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? NOTHING!!'-- Monty Python's 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.'

I don't care if you care but I am going to tell the world my resolutions for the next 3 weeks. Hope it inspires you.

- Go into a trance and learn to handle shock and trauma.
- Master all my single jumps and Land my first double jump on ice by 18th June 2004.
- Get a decent swimsuit.
- Make sure that my Spanish lessons are pleasant. I'll try not to be a pain in the ass.
- Hunt around for mother's and father's day presents. And my sister's b'day present too! (Trust me, not any present will do. They all somehow end up in the store room)
- Apply for my part-time job at the piercing parlour.
- Start packing and move out of this shithole.
- Begin the design of my next tattoo.
- Get myself a boyfriend. I think solitude is driving me into stupid actions.
- Camp in Broadway Cinema and drink up all their Earl Grey Tea.
- Complete at least one script. Please inspire me!!!!

I think these will keep me busy. Have a nice day!

10 things you do not know about me.

1) I am a sucker for half the songs on Eurovision Song Contest.

2) I DO take the taxi from Dunkirk to the Sports Center.

3) I am a romantic. A naive one.

4) My parents are a blessing; my dad told me he'd buy me Arsenal one day. A year ago, he promised me Real Madrid. Awww, how I love my family!

5) I don't read academic texts, my sister summarizes most of them for me. Hah, how much I love her, too!!

6) I lead an extraordinary life and therefore, I will only fall in love with someone extraordinary. Saying that, someone once told me to lower my expectations on men, I take that as an insult!!

7) I cut and colour my own hair.

8) I have a very poor visual memory of people's faces. In fact, it is so bad that it took me two days to register Reyes' face into my head despite having his pictures all over my room! So the next time I walk past you and I don't say hi, don't go around bitching that I am arrogant.

9) I am a VISUAL CULTURE student. This is for those who still assume that I am an engineering student.

10)I have a soft spot for men with tattoos. No,no,no with the exception of 'anchors' and 'mums'.

The Four Thugs: From left: Pat, Yvonne and Sue. I am at the bottom. (This isn't exactly the best photo)  

Love on a Monday Morning

I woke up at ten this morning compliments to an annoying radio blasting nearby and conducted my usual ritual of switching on my comp first thing i step out of bed. Logged onto MSN and two high school friends frantically messaged me.
They were Yvonne Khor and Foong Sue Wen. If you were from GIS you'd remember them. I am sure. One is loud. The other is blur.

And they were wishing me HAPPY BIRTHDAY on the 24th May 2004.

What the hell?!? I was close to mutilating them for getting my birthday wrong.
Much too early. After all, they were my closest friends from high school.

The tables turned. They were wishing me in advance for my 21st, knowing that the three of us are hardly ever online at the same time. And they did it with such sincerity, certainly not out of obligatory fakeness. And Yvonne wont be in Malaysia for my b'day bash.

I was touched. They actually bothered. And this blog is dedicated to the coolest friends I had from school, Patricia, Sue Wen and Yvonne.

Sue's in sexy Scotland, Yvonne and Pat are in sunny Australia. Back in GIS, our lockers were next to each other. Yvonne was the loudest in the hallway, and occasionally you'd catch her threatening to beat up a helpless boy. Sue was the green shirted friendly prefect, putting on a facade of responsibility but in actual fact, she's littering the hallway with her food residuals. Pat, who migrated to Sydney later, is often reprimanded for not tying up her long hair,and strutting around in a little skirt. I, the avant-garde, am always altering my uniform; shortening my skirt, coloured Nikes and replacing the school jumper with a trendy Sportsgirl one. Because the prefects love me, I got away with it. Except from Mrs Lim...

And hell, the four of us are intelligent. I am not boasting. Pat, Yvonne and Sue were A star students. I only had an A, but who cares, I hung with them so that I look smart too. And they are gorgeous, they had plenty of admirers. (Sorry, guys, they are all taken, but there's always ME!!) They were great at sports too, Pat and Sue were excellent swimmers, Yvonne played basketball and as for me, the forgotten sprinter.. :( Boys, teachers, bitches.... we laughed at everything.

Since we left school, we all have the tendancy to vanish and reappear into each other's lives at random times of the year. And when we do meet, we rant and rave like the best of friends. In fact, we are. Despite leading different lives 10000 miles away, (with the exception of Sue who's 6hrs by train away..) there is a certain assurance that no matter how much we screw up, we will always have each other to fall on.

We need not explain. We don't even need to know why.
Its like an apparition. Sue even sent me a cookie from Glasgow. :)

Thanks guys, for the wonderful conversation this morning.
God bless you three in everything you do!!
lots of love,
Yng LYN

My student bedroom in Notts which hasn't been well maintained during the exam period. It looked like a dump center two days ago!!!  

3 years in University have taught me that.....

1) Townies are equivalent to 'Ah Bengs.' Tracksuits and golden medallions bought from Claire's Accessories is part of their signature style.

2) Examiners tend to mark more leniently when they are pregnant.

3) You can still be considered beautiful despite having cursed with an oversized size 12 bum.

4) It is possible to sleep with the lights off.

5) If you are deprived of cable telly, the annual Eurovision Song Contest on BBC1 is your only window to foreign civilisation.

6) Most Malaysians roam around in herds consisting of three to ten. And they feel sorry for you if you're seen having lunch or going to the cinemas alone.

7) Many students like to pretend that they are rich. And spend recklessly with their parents' hard earned money to enhance their reputation away from home. If you have an inert sense of style regardless of whether you're really poor or rich, you don't really have to endorse Ted Baker.

8) Beer culture makes you ugly.

9) The sun only shines 65 days a year.

10) You can still live healthily despite having smoked weed PASSIVELY every evening for six months.

11) Stalkers DO exist.

12) I am not the only 20 year old still drooling over poster boys.

13) There is no escape from family spies.

14) Kebab and chips drowned in excess mayonaise is the food of the gods.

15) Desire is the driving force of all human action. (As homage to Andre Breton who caused a considerable amount of misery to me for the past 10 days )

Sun, Sand and Sea... SUMMER IS HERE!!!! 

Top Ten Summer Essentials!!!!!!

This is my courtesy----> The top ten essentials for everyone this summer!!

1) For the girls, buy a Hepburn dress. (I bought a pink one from New Look...you're bound to send out the right signals to builders, bus drivers and policemen. They will be more courteous towards you.)

2) For the handful lot of you who claimed that you have failed your exams, fret not, because even if you have to resit for one, it will be in September. That leaves you three months of bliss from now.

3) Test out the self tan products they've been advertising endlessly in mags, its fun! Despite what your malaysian parents say: these products are not hazardous to your health. (Tried & Tested: I recommend Dior Tinted Bronze for the face and Lancome Hydra Bronze for the body) Stop bleaching yourselves for a change!

4) Invest in a good digital camera and NOT a jittery camera phone.

5) Venture to Skegness. You will make history. Or take a night drive through St. Anne's and brag about it to all your friends.

6) For those who are graduating in July, make sure you give the finger to the university before you leave for good.

7) Make sure you have chosen to live with the right type of people the next academic year. Very, very important. Saints have the divine ability to transform themselves into Lucifers.

8) Buy the Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights soundtrack. The movie was shit but what the hell, the music is so dead sexy!!!

9) For those turning 21 this summer, do something outrageous. Break someone's window. Open a strip joint. Or take my example: sneak off to Phuket.

10) TO ALL MALAYSIAN STUDENTS, for god's sake,... BALIK RUMAH!! You don't want to waste your money traveling to places like Barcelona at its tourist peak and come back complaining about the crowd and heat.

This month's edition of Sight & Sound. Talk about cheesiness, but I loved the film!!! Pedro, Perdo... what's with that rose???  

My Beagle Sam, chilling out in my bedroom back home in Malaysia. Its a Dog's life! I've been harbouring the same bitterness that my student accomodation in dunkirk is so, so, so awful!!!!  

If only i could be more thoughtful. No More Art history for the rest of my life!!!!! 

F.A.Q.S

Frequently asked questions. Killing one bird with two stones. Make sure you don't ask me these questions again the next time you see me.. I've been asked these too often!
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Q: 'How was your exam?'
A: It was shit this morning. I couldn't recognise any of the slides. There was an oil painting of a horse. And a portrait of man with an outrageously huge forehead. The Cubism exam was more decent.

Q: 'Does getting your navel pierced hurt?'
A: Absolutely No! As painful as it may look, it is definitely less painful than shooting holes into your ears! Trust me on that!

Q:'Does it hurt to get a tattoo?'
A: No, SHIT, unless your skin is that of an elephant's. Imagine someone carving a design out of your flesh with a sewing machine. But don't let this put you off, you'll get used to all that prickling after the first five minutes.

Q: 'Why are foreign and independant films often associated with porn?'
A: Because those who claim so have either not watched any or are merely uncultured. Porn is a diverse term, and, sadly, it is too often misused in informal linguistics. European cinema tends to portray sexual intercourses more explicitly than commercial films, mainly due to narrative aesthetics or their respective local tradition of film culture. A scene that depicts love making is NOT porn. Julio Medem's film Sex Y Lucia is NOT porn. It is a pity how quality films are often misconceived by the mainstream audience.
To get your hands on REAL porn, go to your local video store and check the top shelves.

Q: 'Why do you love Spain?'
A: That was where I first fell in love. There is something very beautiful about Latin culture. It's probably their unparalleled passion for life. Getting chased by bulls is an example. Saying that, I do have a soft spot for Latin America too!

Q: 'What are the best Spanish films?'
A: My personal favourite is Medem's Los Amantes Del Circular Polar (lovers of the Arctic circle). If you like Madrid, garishness and drag queens, go for Pedro Almodovar's films. If you like thrillers and suspense, anything by Alejandro Almenabar is pretty good! If you enjoy peculiarity and excess sex, Bigas Luna's films are a good package.

Q: ' And Spanish songs?'
A: If you like Gareth Gates and the Pop idol sort of stuff, type 'Operacion Triunfo' into your Kazaa search bar. Names like David Bustamante, David Bisbal and Ramon will come up. They have very soppy love songs, but the faster beats have a very Latin influence. For starters, go for Enrique Inglesias or anything by Alex Ubago. On my playlist now is La Oreja De Van Gogh, its Spanish pop-rock and it does grow on you! If you want hip hop or rap, try the Cuban band Orishas.

Q: 'What exactly is a degree in Visual Culture?'
A: It's simply a joint honours between film studies and art history. Rather than memorising and regurgitating historical events pertaining to specific artworks, you analyse images in theoretical perspectives, such as Freud, Foucault etc.

Q: 'So is it easy?'
A: Fuck off

Q: 'What are you going to do after you graduate?'
A: I am going to hunt Reyes down in North London.

Q: 'Why don't you go out and get pissed every single damned night?'
A: Simply because I have more important things to do than to dress skimpily at the height of winter. And I do not subject myself to peer pressure. I do not want to look like a fool when i am pissed. I DO have a reputation.

Q: 'Why don't you have a boyfriend?'
A: Firstly, I am repulsive. Secondly, I love the way I am. I do not enjoy unnecessary intrusions into my life.

------- Lyn's Copyright---------

Mercilessly dragged into the spotlight by a Spaniard to demonstrate my rather poor Flamenco skills... god, i wonder what the audience thought!!!  

Chilling out in Tenerife March 2004 with Lyn and Mel!  

Delirium and Surrealism

You don't have to read this,but hell, call it a blessing because we steal shamelessly from each other.

From The Sandman 21, by Neil Gaiman & Mike Dringenberg.

Delirium is the youngest of the endless. She smells of sweat, sour wines, late nights, old leather. Her realm is close, and can be visited; however, human minds were not made to comprehend her domain, and those few who have made the journey have been incapable of reporting back more than a few fragments.
The poet Coleridge claimed to have known her intimately, but the man was an inveterate liar, and in this, as in so much, we must doubt his word. Her appearance is the most variable of all the Endless, who at best, are ideas cloaked in the semblance of flesh. Her shadow's shape and outline has no relationship to that of any body she wears, and it is tangible, like old velvet.

Some say the tragedy of Delirium is her knowledge that, despite being older than suns, older than gods, she is forever the youngest of the Endless, who do not measure time as we measure time, or see the worlds through mortal eyes. Others deny this, and say that Delirium has no tragedy, but here they speak without reflection. For Delirium was once Delight. And although that was long ago now, even today her eyes are badly matched: one eye is a vivid emerald green, spattered with silver flecks that move; her other eye is vein blue.
"Who knows what Delirium sees, through her mismatched eyes?"

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Procrastination is the equivalent to Bloggin'

6 days till the end of this goddamned degree. The purpose of blocs is to make up for the lack of socialising throughout my entire life. People are always asking, 'How's Lyn? Damn I haven't seen her in ages??' Thanks for caring. Its very sweet indeed.
Anyhow, i shall not indulge too much in this to leave some space for my 10,000 word thesis on Surealism and Desire. Yeah I am so gonna publish it. BRB. This is just the beginning.