F.A.Q.S

Frequently asked questions. Killing one bird with two stones. Make sure you don't ask me these questions again the next time you see me.. I've been asked these too often!
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Q: 'How was your exam?'
A: It was shit this morning. I couldn't recognise any of the slides. There was an oil painting of a horse. And a portrait of man with an outrageously huge forehead. The Cubism exam was more decent.

Q: 'Does getting your navel pierced hurt?'
A: Absolutely No! As painful as it may look, it is definitely less painful than shooting holes into your ears! Trust me on that!

Q:'Does it hurt to get a tattoo?'
A: No, SHIT, unless your skin is that of an elephant's. Imagine someone carving a design out of your flesh with a sewing machine. But don't let this put you off, you'll get used to all that prickling after the first five minutes.

Q: 'Why are foreign and independant films often associated with porn?'
A: Because those who claim so have either not watched any or are merely uncultured. Porn is a diverse term, and, sadly, it is too often misused in informal linguistics. European cinema tends to portray sexual intercourses more explicitly than commercial films, mainly due to narrative aesthetics or their respective local tradition of film culture. A scene that depicts love making is NOT porn. Julio Medem's film Sex Y Lucia is NOT porn. It is a pity how quality films are often misconceived by the mainstream audience.
To get your hands on REAL porn, go to your local video store and check the top shelves.

Q: 'Why do you love Spain?'
A: That was where I first fell in love. There is something very beautiful about Latin culture. It's probably their unparalleled passion for life. Getting chased by bulls is an example. Saying that, I do have a soft spot for Latin America too!

Q: 'What are the best Spanish films?'
A: My personal favourite is Medem's Los Amantes Del Circular Polar (lovers of the Arctic circle). If you like Madrid, garishness and drag queens, go for Pedro Almodovar's films. If you like thrillers and suspense, anything by Alejandro Almenabar is pretty good! If you enjoy peculiarity and excess sex, Bigas Luna's films are a good package.

Q: ' And Spanish songs?'
A: If you like Gareth Gates and the Pop idol sort of stuff, type 'Operacion Triunfo' into your Kazaa search bar. Names like David Bustamante, David Bisbal and Ramon will come up. They have very soppy love songs, but the faster beats have a very Latin influence. For starters, go for Enrique Inglesias or anything by Alex Ubago. On my playlist now is La Oreja De Van Gogh, its Spanish pop-rock and it does grow on you! If you want hip hop or rap, try the Cuban band Orishas.

Q: 'What exactly is a degree in Visual Culture?'
A: It's simply a joint honours between film studies and art history. Rather than memorising and regurgitating historical events pertaining to specific artworks, you analyse images in theoretical perspectives, such as Freud, Foucault etc.

Q: 'So is it easy?'
A: Fuck off

Q: 'What are you going to do after you graduate?'
A: I am going to hunt Reyes down in North London.

Q: 'Why don't you go out and get pissed every single damned night?'
A: Simply because I have more important things to do than to dress skimpily at the height of winter. And I do not subject myself to peer pressure. I do not want to look like a fool when i am pissed. I DO have a reputation.

Q: 'Why don't you have a boyfriend?'
A: Firstly, I am repulsive. Secondly, I love the way I am. I do not enjoy unnecessary intrusions into my life.

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