Day 2 After The Storm

Crooning on my STEREO: White Flag by DIDO

I managed some sleep last night for a change. I cooked for my work colleagues and we had alot of booze, which is often a good thing. I passed out on my sofa, and I am so gonna sleep there from now on. I have to leave that damp bed alone for now.

Progress is always a good sign. Of course I sill feel incredibly shit in the mornings; often upon the realization that I will never wake up beside him again in this life. And there is often the pain of visualizing him with her instead of me.

Till today I still have not heard from him. And that kind of hurts.

Long distance killed the relationship between us, but she and him are now together and will be together without the distance. I know he can be good without the distance.

Till now, as I should be angry, I still find it hard to accept. The whole scenario is sinking in and I tend to blame myself. It is utterly stupid, i know. My mind kept analyzing the conversation when I begged him to take me back because I know we could work things out with the baby. But he kept pushing me away. I should have read the signs that he did not want to tell me that he was already with another girl in Perugia.

A bloody pain I know. I rearranged the furniture in my flat today. I got an extended contract and a promotion at work. Since I will be staying around for quite some time in Germany I thought of 3 things I could do to momentarily ease the pain and regain a little self esteem:-

1) Buy a dog
or

2) Buy a BMW
or

3) Internet Dating

I have never tried the third one but I reckon meeting odd people might be amusing enough to keep me off the relationship radar.

Yes, I have changed.