Thursday, November 13, 2008

CLOSURE

Crooning on my STEREO: FUCK U RIGHT BACK by FRANKEE

So, here's bringing you the next episode in the this amazingly dramatic fuck of a hell break up drama....

Read on, it just gets better.

24 hours ago, I pined for his love, his return and called him while BEGGING him to take me back. Yes for three days in the running I was devastated, undignified, cried a gallon and slept with the slightest assurance that, 'ok maybe he will come back to me....'

That proved to be stupid thinking.

That changed 3 hours ago. I had a piercing feeling that one cannot break off from a 2 year relationship just by saying.. 'oh I like you alot but this is for your own good... we just cannot be together.'

I dont buy the fact that two people can't be together because one cares too much about the other. Doesn't make sense, right? If two people are in love, anything goes. I mean, really, I just don't buy the whole scenario. The additional scenario I didn't mention in the previous post is that he is breaking up with me because he found out that he had a 6 year old illegitimate child in America.

That was a complicated possibility that we have always discussed very early on in our relationship and of course I accepted it because I loved him. So when the confirmation came, I was sad but ok with his decision to go off to the States. But he kept wanting to break off with me.

Also it makes no sense to dump your girlfriend for a child, right?

Because nothing made sense, I knew there was more to this havoc reasoning. He kept telling me he was not good for me but never really stated why.

So I called him at 6:45pm today. He was in Naples. I had a framework in my mind that goes by saying, 'Gio, someone told me that you found someone else.. tell me if this is true?' I had to put on some crocodile tears.. I must admit that Method Acting comes in pretty handy.

Here's the convo (translated into from Italian to English):

Lyn: Sayang, have you got a minute?
Gio: Si, si....
Lyn: Be true to me.. behind all this.. are you with somebody?
Gio: No, why do you say this?
Lyn: Someone told me. And since this is the last time we will speak, you must be truthful to me.
Gio: No, WHO TOLD YOU THIS?
Lyn: Gio, I know. (pauses) Tell me.

(pause)

Gio: Yes.

(pause) At this point, Lyn was in total shock.

Lyn: why?
GIo: I am sorry.
Lyn: No you are not.
Gio: Thats why i think it is better to finish with you, I can't keep hurting you.
Lyn: I knew this was true. It was not just the child. It was not just the long distance. (pauses) You found somebody else.

Gio: Si.
Lyn: Ok. (I am going to explode)
(pause)
Gio: I am sorry.
Lyn: Is she beautiful?
Gio: Why do you ask this?
Lyn: Tell me, is she beautiful?

(pause)
Gio: Yes.

Lyn: oh god.. (really, this point was pivotal, my loved for him died)
Gio: I am sorry.
Lyn: More beautiful than me?

(silence. He couldn't answer)

Lyn: When did you meet her?
Gio: September.
Lyn: And are you with her now?
Gio: Yes.
Lyn: oh my god..
Gio: I am sorry. That's why I have to break up with you. It's for your own good.
Lyn: I fucking hell moved to Munich for you.
Gio: I know. But we will not be together.... it is still far.
(pauses)
Lyn: Is she Italian? Where is she from?
Gio: Germany.
Lyn: FUCK....
Gio: I am sorry.

Lyn: And you fucking hell said NOTHING to me when I was with you in Perugia last week? I came all the way for you because I loved you!
Gio: But I did tell you not to come...
Lyn: But you never told me why?!!?
Gio: I know, I am sorry. I just didn't want to hurt you.
Lyn: And on that day you told me you will come to me in Munich and you told me that I am your love ?!!??!!?
Gio: I know, I was happy but..
Lyn: And you were fucking her the night before on OUR bed.
Gio: Don't say this. She was never in my bed.
Lyn: Then WHERE?
Gio: I was always at her house.

Lyn: And you were fucking her when you told me you have to work late nights. You WENT to the movies with her, you went shopping with her and you told me you were going to Luigi's house when in fact you were drinking and fucking her...
Gio: no..

Lyn: And you were MAKING LOVE to her during those nights when I sent you text messages at night and YOU NEVER REPLIED. And I cried throughout those nights because I thought that you forgot about me.
Gio: I am sorry Lyn...
(pause)
Lyn: oh god, I don't know what to do. I feel sick.
Gio: Me too.
Lyn: You were with her from September and yet you sent me messages telling me you missed and loved me.
Gio: I did love you.
Lyn: I don't believe any shit from you. anymore. I can't talk anymore.
Gio: I am sorry Lyn, I am not the guy you want, I am like this and I cannot change. You are far away and I can't do anything.
Lyn: Go fuck her tonight.
Gio: Sayang, stop this;
Lyn: Yes, go. You have her. She is beautiful. And you have a kid somewhere else good luck,

---------------------------
I slammed the phone down. But somehow I felt that needed to get back at him. So I rang him again.

By the way, I fucked someone on your BIRTHDAY.
And he is just like you.


For once, he was very, very pissed off.

That did the trick even though it was half-true.

Thank you for taking 2 years worth of my love for granted. I knew he could be a good person, I believed in him, I trusted him and I had faith in him.

Note the past tense.

BUT FUCK YOU. I AM GOING OUT TONIGHT.

14 comments:

car@ said...

I am speachless Lyn....i had no idea of any of this! if i would have known, i would told you to screw him way back then babe! but it's ok....life will get him....i am sure.
You are a woman from head to toe, too much from him to handle and take care of, one day...you'll find HAPPINESS in capital letters and you'll realised it was not really what you thought it was. Slowly surely, you walk away from....
Thi is for you..if you can download this song: Jill Scott

"Slowly surely,
I walk away from
that old desperate and dazed love
caught up in the maze of love
the crazy craze of love
thought it was good
thought it was real
thought it was
but it wasn't love

I just don't know
Where i should go
So
Slowly surely
I walk away from
self-serving
undeserving
constantly hurting me love
deserting me love
you said, I said, we said
but

Slowly surely
I walk away from
confusing love
misusing love
abusing love
this can't be

Slowly surely
I walk away from
self serving
undeserving
constantly hurting me love

I just don't know
where I should go
No
I just don't know
know, know, know
Where I should go
so

Slowly surely
I walk away from
that old desperate and dazed love
caught up in the maze of love
the crazy craze of love

thought it was good
thought it was real
thought it was
but it wasn't love

I just don't know where to go
So

Slowly surely
I walk away from
I walk away from
Slowly surely
I walk away from love
Oh
slowlyy, surely one step at a time
but surely
I will pass the old love aside
and love me
slowly,
surely I walk away from
slowly surely I walk away from desperating love
caught up in the maze love
crazy crazy craze of love
slowly surely, I walk away from Slooooooowly Suuuuuuurely, slowly surely....AND YES lyn....you can! May i tell you he has been the biggest asshole i've ever seen?!!! sorry babe, i just had to say it ( in case he reads this).

Love you!
Xoxo

MEERA said...

hunnybunz!!!

i got ur text msg! just woke up and saw it!

ok..back to reality eh...ask this dude to go fuck off!!!!

u soooo dont need this and u dont need to be crying over a dumb fuck like him!!!!

HUGSSSSSS!!!

Jolenesiah said...

he is screwed....
what the fuck... saying loving u while with other girl???
gosh...if u allow ill kick him for u
u r beautiful .. no worry u will find a better guy...

hugs

KY said...

that bastard

danyanova said...

Is he from Napoli? Z talks about Gio and Luigi sometimes...Gosh I hope the world is not that small a place!

Cazzo! That's all I can say.

Hugs babe!

ameera/socialpest said...

Oh you'll get over him in no time. Shouldn't waste any more time moping over someone like that. The pain will still come sometimes but just ignore it and don't fall into the whole trap of nostalgia and start thinking of the good times. Remind yourself of the bitterness and pain and it'll get you by.

Don't lose hope. There will be someone good for you.

cyber-red said...

am sorry hun. hugs. you don't need a jerk like him!

Huei said...

Hi lyn, for once I'm speechless, the hell you must've gone through

perhaps this would be easier on you, the conventional breaking up method you mentioned earlier. at least you know he's beyond a bloody jerk that deserves none of your grief.

be strong girl, and no not all your friends have strayed away as you can see from your comments. =)

be strong and take care ok!

Anonymous said...

Half truth?

So he wasn't Italian then?

Roberto said...

1 sept 2008
Life again

Life again, after a circle of pain/
Life passes trough the soul,/
Leaving only traces./
Sounds of lost moments, light as angels feathers/
Wraps me/
Squeezes me/
Though no one is there to comfort me/
I see you/
Endearing and trustworthy friend/
You take me from the beginning /
To secret places,/
Where only you have been./
You cuddle my soul,/
You shred my heart/
You caress my skin,/
You open my eyes/
You open my secret/
Centre of me in a distant void./
Caring companion/
Again and again,/
Again for eternity.

Rob

something I composed . . .not long ago!
Sadly enough . . . this happened . . .I wish I could kick his balls for you Lyn!

Wandering Piccola said...

"Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything but tears. In the end, that's all there is: love and its duty, sorrow and its truth. In the end, thats all we have-to hold on tight until the dawn." Shantaram.

And for those who had hurt you, they can well bugger off because there will always be the many others out there who won't. Take care, my dear.

Yng Lyn said...

To my dearest friends,

Carol, Meera, Jolene, KY, Danyanova, Ameera,Reta, Huei, Roberto and Ying:

Thanks so much for being there with your encouraging words and support. I hope that this sorrow is only a phase and that I will be able to move on as a stronger person. It is your caring presences that comforts me that I am not alone.. and that the light at the end of the tunnel is just a few steps away. I want to thank you from the bottom of my (broken) heart :)

Likewise I am here for everyone of you. I care for you to the world's end. big hug to al!

Murasaki Shikibu said...

What an asshole...and why do they all sound exactly the same as though they were clones when it comes to this?

Yng Lyn said...

hi murasaki,
unfortunately most of them do. only God knows why.