HELP

Crooning on my STEREO: Over the Rainbow by IL DIVO

THAT'S IT. I am addicted to IL DIVO like a drug.

Beats marijuana anytime.

90 hours have passed and I still have them on Loop.

I NEED HELP

If you are sick of my I-love-Sebastien blabber, do check this awesome blog Brighter Death for a breath of fresh, rejuvenating air.

I am off to HONG KONG next week. After that I will post the long awaited encore SPANISH CHRONICLES before I retire from the blogosphere in 2006.

"Someday I wish upon a star and wake up where clouds are far behind me....'

Bewitched.

Crooning on my STEREO: Ti Amero by IL DIVO

60 hours have passed since I bought IL DIVO's debut album, and I am STILL listening to them on loop.

Can't get enough of those guys.

'Crying is refuge for plain women. Pretty women go shopping!'-Oscar Wilde's Lady Windermere's Fan.
It really sucks to window shop.

But it is okay to play Oliver Twist every now and then.

(Special announcement: EYERIS embarked on a charitable deed by including me in his special Malaysian bloggers' 2006 Calendar!!!. Now, this is a guy with a heart of GOLD!) I'm a calendar girl... wooohoooooooooo!!!

WHY IL DIVO is THERAPEUTIC. Part ONE.

Crooning on my STEREO: Passera by IL DIVO

Today I am going to defend my lust for IL DIVO.


1) When I am feeling aboslutely SORRY for myself. When I have a crap hair day. When I go for vocal training and I can't hit the high E note. When I fail a casting audition because I forgot a required costume. When some stupid juvenile kid down the street laughs at my chubby thighs....

Why IL DIVO helps...
THEY SHOW ME LOVE.. Well, not literally.
Listen to their first album and close your eyes. Visualise a group of 4 gorgeous Armani clad men serenading you with a blissful combination of tenor and baritone voices in European dialects.
Listen to track 5- Everytime I Look At You.

Sebastien (pic below) is GODSENT. I'd give away all my handbags just to have him SERENADE ME.
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2) My favourite pair of kitten heels were wrecked beyond recognition by none other than PURE HORSE SHIT yesterday. I was so fucking pissed off. I STILL AM. It is as though I just chucked 49ringgit down the drain. (translate: 15 Euros down the gutter). That's a fucking hell lot of money to an unemployed fart like me.

Today I live PAINFULLY with the fact that I DO NOT have a pair of NEW SHOES to flaunt during Christmas and New Year. How miserable.

Why IL DIVO helps...
Simple. Blasting their divine voices on maximum volume makes me CRY in the state of ecstasy. And by CRYING you release tension. And then you get TIRED. And then you SLEEP. And forget about your HORSE SHIT MISFORTUNE.

Just for the time being.
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3) Since graduating, I feel absolutely unemployed, skint and hopeless. Something to the lines of being a beggar. Under a roof.

Why IL DIVO helps...
THEY SHOW YOU LOVE. Again. Listen to 'A Mi Manera' which is the remake of Frank's I DID IT MY WAY. (Now don't take the piss, I know its not original material but at least they do sing it well....)
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4) My casting agents are pissing me off. They are not getting me enough auditions.

Why IL DIVO helps...
All four dudes of the band had to go through Satan's auditions under the watchful eyes of SIMON COWELL. Now, go and tell me how much SHIT they have to go through to get a place in the band....... thats besides the point. It only takes ONE AUDITION to make a difference.
So patience is virtue.
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5) This sucks. I thought I have grown out of my boyband fetish years. I think I am bored.

Why IL DIVO helps...
Falling in love with a certain gentleman who sings under the fancy category of vox populi proves that IL DIVO IS NOT A BOYBAND.Fancying a celebrity gives you something to do in your free time. Por ejemplo, staying up till four every night running a search on GOOGLE on whether he is married improves your analytical skills.

So I am not as useless as I think I am.
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6) I did miss out on *ahem* a dude who resembles Sebastien from IL DIVO. I am kicking myself everyday because of that. I am such a COW.

Why IL DIVO helps...
Its okay. At least I can brag that I snogged a celebrity look-a-like.


TELL ME, HOW CAN YOU RESIST THIS???

Fuck, I can't.

Assholometer Bounty

Crooning on my STEREO: Bedshaped by KEANE


The one and only MIGHTY VINCENT came up with a wicked bounty tag in his sadistic quest of unearthing the devil out of self-proclaimed saints.

Everybody knows what a lovely girl I am. There's no denial that I have commited more saintly deeds than you mere mortals. Come on, I am LYN. The epitome of all perfection and divine purity. Ask anyone, they will say that I am NICE. And SWEET. And ANGELIC.

Today I will share some great deeds of virtue with my fellow readers:

- When I was in lower primary, I formed a juvenile gang and picked on this kid who wrecked my favourite helium balloon during a class party.

- When I was in upper primary, this bitch dared me to slap her in the school compound (which I gleefully did, of course) and her mother trotted to school the next day to hunt me down. I tactically missed school that same day to avoid that mad-mother- of-a-whore.

- I had to listen to a lame twit whinge on how miserable her life was (which was blindingly NOT miserable by my standards) for 3 hours on MSN.
The very next day I shared every detail of her misery with my family, friends and cab driver.

- 7 years ago, I convinced this girl in school that I was JON BON JOVI's secret lover. She believed me and she was (and possibly, still) in awe of me.

- I deny men who have ever been involved with me in any way.

- I helped myself to a hell lot of expensive art supplies from my high school's art room. Why? Because the teacher's a bitch. I even nicked an excerpt of her diary for comic relief.

- I take the piss out of 85% of the Malaysians living in London. They are the perfect picture of patriotism/materialism on foreign soil.

- If I hate your guts, I REALLY DO.
I am able to make half the nation boycott a cosmetics company simply because I depise a certain swine who works there.

- On days when I am intoxicated, I consciously choose to spit onto cars with single digit number plates.

- A chinky eyed girl in London snatched an acting role which could have been MY career break..... I spent 3 working days heavily bitching about her to everyone I meet.

- I can bitch about Wayne Rooney and his gang of merry men like there's no tommorrow.

- I take the piss out of 13-year-olds. Or rather, anyone who is younger than me. Or thinner than me.

- I tell everyone that I am a supporting artiste in the upcoming DA VINCI CODE. It's up to you to believe me or not.


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Project description: (written by the one and only VINCENT)

"I am quite a big asshole, eh? This project is called 'The Assholometer Bounty' simply because it is interesting find out, now that you guys know of my evilness, how much you would pay to get rid of me? How much would you be willing to fork out to rid the world of someone like me? Pillage my commenting box with any figure and I will total up the assholometer bounty as we go along.

Let's face it. As much as people like to claim that they are nice people, everybody is an asshole deep down inside. In fact, not enough people are proud of the evil things they did. With the exception of a couple of guys, I don't think enough people blog about their 'assholic' tendencies. Wouldn't it be a joy to read of more people being evil?

1) All you guys have to do is blog about your most 'assholic' deed (or a few, if you wish) in order to get your readers to raise your bounty. The higher your bounty, the better.
2) Copy out these last few paragraphs including the project description.
3) In keeping with being an 'asshole', you are free to spread this meme along to as many people as you wish (the more the merrier since everybody hates memes)."
- vincent
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I tag:
Caracola
Kracker
Simple American
SocialPest
Steve
Reubster

And to anyone who desires to reveal the inner demons of their personalities.

Stupid Kiss Test

Crooning on my STEREO: Tal Vez by FRAN PEREA

Your Kissing Purity Score: 57% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test

Funny how men perceive me as a LEPER in Malaysia.

PMS

Crooning on my STEREO: My Favourite Game by THE CARDIGANS

For those who do not know,
I float in between two worlds. A month ago I met Mr. Pink Hibiscus by the Andalusian beach....

LYN IS LOST.


I am such a cow. It is that time of the month.

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QUEIRO VOLVER A EUROPA!!!!! POR QUE ESTOY AQUI?!?!?!?!?!?

It's okay. I've lost my celebrity status. I seriously need to sort my self esteem....

I WILL CHECK INTO A REHAB.

Damn everything. I am redundant.

Oh, I am bloated too.

Stupid Cow

Crooning on my STEREO: El Universo Sobre Mi by AMARAL

I was browsing through a shallow magazine yesterday when I spotted a rather familiar face. Much to my horror.



Let's see. I do recall picking up a random dude in Malaga who LOOKED EXACTLY like the dude above. And this dude claimed that he was Argentinian. And this dude SPOKE SPANISH IN A BIZARRE FRENCH ACCENT. Damnnit. This dude even had a sexy voice.

Point is, WHY DIDN'T I FOLLOW HIM HOME THAT NIGHT ?!?


As a result Lyn is in constant pain.

The CHINESE Chronicles

Summer Palace, Beijing, China.
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: Saturday Night by BON JOVI

Ni Hao Ma??? My Mandarin SUCKS. Therefore I was useless when I was in China. It is such a shame when I stepped foot on my ancestral land for the first time.. and knew NOTHING of the language. MANDARIN IS A BEAUTIFUL LANGUAGE. I only speak Cantonese; the slightly less graceful dialect of the Chinese language (Think English versus Gaelic) which isn't exactly useful in BEIJING.

HIGHLIGHT #1: THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA


Yeah you could tell I was pretty KNACKERED.Such a frigging long hike up and down 60degree slopes. We visited a part of the bridge that isn't massively popular, so we literally had the entire bridge to ourselves. This is the view from one of the highest points....
Quite a crap photograph but the view is definitely worth the climb. I forgot to tell you that IT WAS FRIGGING COLD!!!!!!.

The Great Wall is definitely my favourite Beijing haunt....YOU MUST VISIT THIS ANCIENT WONDER AT SOME POINT OF YOUR LIFE. Shoot yourself if you fail to agree with me.

HIGHLIGHT #2: TEMPLES. TEMPLES. TEMPLES.
Temples are EVERYWHERE. I am not going to start naming each and everyone of them because chances are you'll forget their names anyway. The lovely photo on the right is the LAMA TEMPLE. Yep, it is TIBETAN. Lots of Buddha statues, monks, joss sticks and TOURISTS.

Tourists are O-K-A-Y. It is worse when they bring their imbecile kids along on holiday.

Then I encountered a TIBETAN GOOD-LUCK WHEEL. As you can see, I was desperately spinning it for dear life. Not that I am horribly downtrodden at present... it is part of human nature to be GREEDY.

OH BLESS ME

BIGGEST RIP-OFF: THE FORBIDDEN CITY.
I don't get it. People RAVE so much about it. I know it is a fancy palace. Larger than Versailles. Larger than Shrewsbury. Like, WOW.
But it is OVERRRATED. Come on, when you've seen places such as THE TEMPLE OF HEAVEN and THE SUMMER PALACE , the Forbidden City falls straight off my list. Firstly, it is so BLOODY CROWDED. I propose that stupid kids should be banned from tourist spots. Not that 6 year olds possess ample brain cells to learn about Chinese history anyway. They should be left with the PANDAS in the BEIJING ZOO.

Secondly, THERE ARE ABOUT 5 THRONE ROOMS AND THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME. Stop kidding me. I didn't pay 45 yuan to watch throne room duplicates. Where did you hide your antiques? Or show me some decent relics that are restored. Everything, including the royal throne, looks like its been fished out of the well.

Thirdly, THERE ARE NO MAPS. Well there are no free ones anyway. In English. You tell the ticket counter that you are a TOURIST and they give you a map shrouded in Chinese characters. If you want an English map, you have to get it off some dodgy PIRATES for 3 yuan. If all fails, you will be forced to wander around a massive pueblo with a compass.
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Nature is definitely China's most beautiful.
NEXT STOP: TIBET IN 2007

Are you local?

I found paradise 2 weeks ago.
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: Walk Away by FRANZ FERDINAND

A salesman in a shoe shop asked me,

'ARE YOU LOCAL?'

I wanted to maul him. Like a lion stranded in a famine for 4 weeks.

I am speaking of a MALAYSIAN asking a MALAYSIAN whether she's MALAYSIAN.

Okay. WELCOME HOME, LYN. You have chosen to dwell in your supposed birthplace where your own people can't even tell that you have spent 18 years of your life breathing local air and investing heavily in their shoe (and food) industry.

You may even have to ditch your 'universal' english accent in order to be understood.

Speak S L O W Y, I mean.

and what about your 20hrs of sunlight-MEDITERRANEAN TAN- acquired from ESPANA? Well ditch it as well. Because it is considered UGLY. According to the chinese malaysians anyway. Apparently they do not want their sons to marry you because you apparently look like you've been slaving it out at the construction site in harmony with the immigrant builders.

Hold on Lyn, your RELATIVES are watching you like HAWKS. They can't wait to feed on your supposedly dead body because they BELIEVE that you have ended your hopes of a glamorous career BECAUSE you have taken the FATAL step to leave London. This will be their opportunity to flaunt their stupid kids aka. child prodigies who are currently slutting their ways abroad in multinational corporations and overrrated London universities.

WELCOME HOME LYN. WELCOME HOME.
I THINK THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

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NOTE: Sorry for the lack of updates (again!) I just got my ass back to SoutheastAsia and am currently renovating my bedroom! Too much to do. Too much to settle....
Tommorrow I will leave for Beijing China for a week to track down my ethnic roots..

I will be back in time to post the first series of THE SPANISH CHRONICLES.....brace yourselves and get those PCs fixed!