VIVA.

I AM IN SPAIN

okay. I have written a whole load of lovaly things but this damned public computer has masterfully deleted it from me. How's marvellous!

Anyway, i was just saying that I owe you all an explanation for disappearing the last week or so. Truth is that I am currently having some of the best times of my life.. at this very moment.

At this moment as I write, I am living a 4 year old dream which is still, in a faze, seem unreal to me. Ive learnt that I do not need a man to make me happy. Ive learnt that food is not the consolation to displaced grief.

I have learnt that life is just ahead of me. So I decided to take an action.

On the 22nd of September, I packed my bags and left.

I found myself in Calais Frethun, where Kracker drove me across the French border into a lovely seaside town of Koljside, Belgium. The next day we were in Bruges and then in a lovely local town of Vuerne. The next day, at barely 8 in the morning we took a detour into Cap Blanc Nez, which i believe is France's best kept secret. I recall what I said... 'I think I found Heaven!'.
I owe it all to Kracker and his genorosity for giving some of the best holidays I've ever had despite embarassing myself infront of him, his family and their friends!

I left Belgium barely 24hours ago and now I am plunked in MALAGA. I can't believe this. Nothing is sinking in. In a few days time I will be heading to Cordoba and Granada. And then I will also meet the gorgeous Caracolacolacola too!!

Okay, in case this goddamned comp fucks up on me again, I better go. Time to catch the sun, find myself and live life MY WAY.

Yes. I am VERY HAPPY. TOO HAPPY.

LOVE TO YOU ALL FROM SPAIN... as my credit is running out i am unable to visit all your blogs but you are all on my mind.
HUGS!

Once upon a time...

Crooning on my STEREO: Stranded by JENNIFER PAIGE

Once upon a time, I used to take the piss out of first year undergrads scrounging the streets after 3am. They are usually pissed. These pack of 'girlies' are scantily dressed and they cling on to their girlfriends for dear life to maintain their grip on the road. After that they shamelessly puke (aka. pollute) several times by the roadside. Strange black (and warm) liquid usually flow from their mouths like some goddamn waterfall. Their girlfriends will rummage through their handbags for some tissue. Then they get onto a cab. And then puke through the window.

LAST NIGHT, I DID THE EXACT SAME THING.

Fucking hell. I never knew this day will ever come. Someone please slap me.

BREAKING NEWS

ONE WEEK AGO
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: You're gonna make me lonesome by MADELEINE PEYROUX

BEHOLD! Lyn may have vanished from the blog-o-sphere for about a week or so... but FEAR NOT..... she has blissfully embarked on a new phase of her life.....

SHE IS NO LONGER A FRIGGIN STUDENT!!!!!!!!!

So that makes me officially 'unemployed.' But fuck it, I don't EVER have to endure midnight slogs, bloody deadlines, reading lame journals, making a pile of sith in my room...... FUCK EM ALL!!!!!!!!!

AS YOU CAN SEE... I AM BLOODY LOVING THIS!!!!!!!

The next few weeks is going to be mayhem, so I am just going to show you all some LOVE:

- I have broken a personal record by handing in 17000 words THREE days ahead of SCHEDULE. Fuccckkkkk!!!

- For the past 1.5 weeks, my total sleeping hours was 30 hours. And that is certainly NOT going to increase within the next few days.

- Lovely EYERIS is in town and I dragged him to HIGHBURY this morning. He REFUSED to have his photograph taken with EMIRATES STADIUM although he was evidently quite IMPRESSED by it... MUAHAHA! (he's a BENITEZ supporter btw)

- The total amount of Alcohol intake within this week: 30 litres to date. (Add an extra ten litres when I visit KRACKERin Belgium next weekend.

- I will be selling my amazing ALTEC LANSING speakers+subwoofer. Breaks my heart to do so but it is virtually impossible to lug it home. Who wants to inherit it for 50 quid??

- A week from now, I will be on board for my mad one-month holiday to ESPANA!!!!!! And looking forward to catch some REAL sun with Caracolacolacola!!!!!!

- Final work as a FILM EXTRA on MONDAY. This time I will be stuck in BRIXTON shooting the whole day, and that is such a prestigious way to say goodbye to my 6 month film career in London..

- Tuesday will my FINAL job as a miserable waitress!! I don't EVER have to break my arms lugging around champagne bottles to feed drunken old men in posh art galleries. NO MORE!!! NO MORE!!!

- I will be moving out of my gorgeous London flat next Friday: I guess I am going to miss it despite the ridiculous rent and the lightbulb consumption that costs 7 quid each.

- Off to CANTERBURY this weekend for a dose of English Nostalgia. Thank you, mi hermana.

- To all my Girlfriends, boyfriends and gayfriends out there, NEXT WEEK WILL BE YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SEE ME IN LONDON!!
(I know my appointment list is fully booked at the mo, but there's always a waiting list.. MUAHAHA..or come and see me in spain if you're DYING to...)

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To all my readers, thanks so much for constantly dropping by my site despite my lack of updates (translate=LAZINESS)... The next few weeks will see fewer posts but I will try and get online as much as I can.
Meanwhile you can all go and envy my unemployed status....LOVE YOU ALL!

FATkin's DIET

Absolute Monster in my Kitchen.
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: You're Beautiful by JAMES BLUNT

Today I bring you a new REVOLUTIONARY self-prescribed diet:

LYN'S FATKINS DIET

For the aspiring celebrity who dreams endlessly of expanding her waistline, increasing her dress size and oozing her sex appeal, the FATKINS DIET is just what you need.

To achieve that gorgeous body you've always dreamed of, just follow this revolutionary diet plan for 3 days:

MORNING:
1) 150grams of Walkers Thai Sweet Chilli Potato Crisps
2) Hot chocolate with full cream milk.
3) 3 scrambled eggs
4) 1 tablespoon of mayonaise straight from the jar.

AFTERNOON:
1) 1 foot long toasted Subway Meatball Marinara Sandwich- ask for extra MEAT.
2) 2 cans of DIET COKE
3) 2 packets of 50g Walkers Sour Cream Chips

MID AFTERNOON:
1) Your choice of 1 McDonald's Sandwich- the more OIL the merrier.
2) 1 Large McDs Fries drenched in BBQ sauce

EVENING:
1) 4 Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Donuts
2) 1 Can of Lemonade Soda
3) 2 portions of Laughing Cow Cheese

LATE EVENING:
1) 1 Large portion of cheap Lamb Doner Kebab drowned in Mayonaise
2) 1 Tomato Juice
3) 1 gigantic slice of pita bread

BEFORE BEDTIME:
1) 1 Imodium Indigestion Tablet.


RESULTS GUARANTEED IN THREE DAYS.

Disclaimer: ynglyn.blogspot.com will not be held responsible over any loss of lives, regurgitation, constipation or psychological trauma caused while attempting this diet.

Seven Sins

Facial Masque
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: White Flag by DIDO
Tagged by CrazyCat... cheers cos this is a brilliant way to PROCRASTINATE!!

Seven things that scare me
1. Me.
2. My bank account.
3. Reverse Parking.
4. Casting auditions
5. Real Banshees.
6. Sex
7. Niagara Falls.

Seven things I like the most
1. My family.
2. All the dogs in the world.
3. Europe.
4. Men.
5. Foie Gras.
6. Ipod
7. Films

Seven important things in my room
1. My 15yr old hippo.
2. A photo of my late Sam
3. Chequebook
4. Reyes
5. Wardrobe
6. Sleeping pills
7. Subwoofer


Seven random facts about me
1. I am a girl
2. I have 6 piercings and a tattoo.
3. I weigh more than 60kg
4. I was dumped by a jerk who said I wasn't thin enough.
5. I am jealous of Keira Knightley
6. I can't cook
7. I am left handed.

Seven things I plan to do before I die
1. Decide on the guestlist for my funeral.
2. Walk on the Cannes red carpet as the star.
3. Travel South America/ Africa
4. Make sure my kids have an EU passport.
5. Build animal shelters all over Southeast Asia.
6. Eat mayonaise drenched kebab like there's no tommorrow.
7. Confess to Iker Casillas how much I lusted over him.


Seven things I can do
1. Sleep
2. Eat
3. Drink
4. Piss
5. Love
6. Laugh
7. Pretend that I am stupid.


Seven things I can't do
1. Think
2. Diet
3. Lie
4. Bungee Jumping
5. Cartwheels
6. Slaughter a live chicken
7. Be a porn star.

Seven things I say the most
1. Thanks, man
2. Sot (chinese for 'insane')
3. Fucker
4. Sorry
5. Frigging Hot
6. Mieda
7. What the hell


Seven celeb crushes
1. Frontman of Franz Ferdinand
2. Gael Garcia Bernal
3. Jose Reyes
4. Iker Casillas
5. Thierry Henry
6. Pedro Almodovar
7. Jose Mourinho

Seven people who will have to do this:
1.YOU
2.YOU
3.YOU
4.YOU
5.YOU
6.YOU
7.YOU

KARAOKE

SHYING AWAY.......
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: Love Me Right by ANGEL CITY

I was inspired by Crazy Cat's Blog Entry to dedicate an entire post to my 3rd LOVE-KARAOKE

People who know me personally will OBVIOUSLY NOTICE that I ADORE KAROKE SESSIONS. They will also notice that I TOTALLY SUCK AT IT.

But WHO FUCKING CARES?

Singing is THERAPEUTIC.Not only it is an outlet for your exasperated souls, karaoke sessions has an ability to turn you into a TEMPORARY STAR.

(But it is also fascinating how everyone avoids you the next day if YOU SCREW UP. Oh well, no wonder some stars shoot themselves dead.)

I have compiled a comprehensive song list which makes me thrive as a KARAOKE STAR. Try these when you have the chance:

1) Sometimes When We Touch by ROD STEWART.
This is absolutely failproof as a karaoke debut. The notes are low, it is a man's song and the lyrics are soppy enough for strangers to acquaint with your sentimental side as a serious singer.

2) Flying without Wings by WESTLIFE
This song is fucking easy to start with. It begins with an accapella section for you show off your sultry vocals. The notes are constantly in the low but BEWARE, there is also a HIGH part towards the end. When that high octave approaches (goes along the lines of ,'So impossible.. as they may seem..') quickly pass the microphone to the person next to you or pretend that you have to answer your mobile....

3) How Do I Live by LEANN RIMES
This is the song I choose when some guy I fancy fucks my mind up before the karaoke session. Yeah, I know it takes a hell lot of skill to hit those high notes like Leann Rimes, but who said karaoke singing isn't about emotions???

4) The End of World by SKEETER DAVIS
Another personal favourite. Relatively easy to sing, logical lyrics and a sure-hit if you have old family relatives watching.

5) My Heart Will Go On by CELINE DION
Now, ONLY ATTEMPT THIS IF YOU ARE DRUNK.
Seriously.

6) GUANTANAMERA
Another failproof song. Apparently I sing better in Spanish than to speak it. People are often drawn to you if you attempt a karaoke song in a foreign language. Just make sure there are no native speakers nearby....

7) Unbreak My Heart by TONI BRAXTON
Make sure you are DRUNK, EMOTIONAL and INTOXICATED when you attempt this. This song is fucking EXCELLENT if you are DUMPED the day before the karaoke session. And make sure only your good friends are around you.

8) ANY BOYZONE SONG
Everyone can sing a Boyzone song without difficulty. Karaoke versions of their songs are often lowered to neutral key, which means that there are no high notes to hit. (including Stephen Gately's parts)

9) AVOID ANY MARIAH CAREY SONGS
I know some of you fancy screaming out HERO on microphone.. but have mercy on the listeners. To take on Mariah's songs is to have extraordinary lungpower, perfect pitch vocals and amazing passion.... a combination which is one in a million. Only try her songs if you want to shame yourself to oblivion.

10) RICKY MARTIN
Best way to end any over-pissed party with some Living La Vida Loca anthems because by then everyone would be too drunk to notice if you're completely out of tune......
---------------------------

Disclaimer: This songlist DOES NOT reflect on my music taste. I listed them down because they are usually found in most karaoke machines....

To Be or Not To Be

Poison Apple.
Originally uploaded by slamducky.

Crooning on my STEREO: Somewhere in my Past by IL DIVO

FRIEND: Hello Lyn. How are you?

LYN: Better than ever! How about you? How was your trip to Spain?

FRIEND: Brilliant, we had so much sun!!

LYN: But you don't have a tan.....

FRIEND: You should see my son, he is AS BROWN AS YOU.

Lyn: Ohh... I ... See....

FRIEND: In fact he is TOO BROWN. We told him to stay off the water but he stuck in there.

LYN: Uh Huh.......

FRIEND: So now he is BROWN. He is ROASTED.

LYN: Sunburnt?

FRIEND: Yeah, that too. But it is his NEW SKIN COLOUR that is shocking.

LYN: Bet he looks AS GOOD AS ME....... he should join me at Regent's Park later to top it up.....


WHY ARE THERE SO MANY PEOPLE AGAINST MY TAN?!!??!?