VIVA VEGAS!!!

Crooning on my STEREO: Sex Bomb by TOM JONES

A quick one to piss about how strange it is to blog on a massive plasma telly in an enormous suite alone with a few rose bubblies overlooking the whole of Vegas courtesy of a massive panorama window facing Mr Trump's unopened hotel. I just saw the Beckhams (including the kids) with Elton snd witnessed Tom Jones' newly acquired tan. Everything is so odd and you cannot imagine how much stuff I am buying. I am so totally shallow and I think I just walked past Pamela Anderson? She had those big burly guaards around her. Then there's the PCD casino and lounge. OMG.

Cameras are prohibited. But it's what I see that truly matters!!

This is why I have always loved coming back to Vegas. This place is so sick.

OHhhh.. Thank Heaven's for VICTORIAS SECRET!!! Muax muax muaxx

Trans-atlantic Fishes

Crooning on my STEREO: Angelica by LE VIBRAZIONE

Due to popular demand, I've decided to post up a picture of a hundred fishes mauling my feet (and a glimpse of my fat thighs) at the much hyped KENKO FISH SPA.

HOW DID IT FEEL? PINS N' NEEDLES WITH A SLIMY TWIST
It's totally SICK. The biggest challenge is at the very beginning when you sink your feet into the murky water. Once your feet touches the water surface: schools and schools and schools of grey fishes riot towards you (theory: the more filthy you are, the more you attract). The point of this exercise is that these multitudes of guppies will manicly FEED on your feet's dead skin. (although they seem to have an insatiable fetish for your heels). Oh... I can't describe the rest. It's just, just, just EEWWWWWWW

It's the most odd-ass 30 minutes of spa treatment I've ever had.

In every effort to get through the half hour ordeal without laughing like a deranged hyena, I shouted the following:
LICK MY FILTHY FEETTTT!!! EXFOLIATEEEEEEE MEEEEE!!!!!! SUCK MY HEEEEL!!!! I AM GONNA HAVE GORGEOUS FEET AFTER YOU SUCKERSSSSS !!!!! EXFOLIATEEEEE!!!!

Try it. It brought out the forgotten chav in me.
It is also pretty obvious that fishes that feed on filth are, obviously, filthy creatures.

Tip: It's best not to look down on who's nibbling at your feet. Especially when you see a huge-mama fish (and her 50 juniors) approaching your big toe.

Anyway, I am flying out tommorrow morning. It's 3rd time back to LA, San Francisco and my hedonistic favourite:
LAS VEGAS ONCE AGAIN, BABY!!!!!


I should just live there.

Women of Substance

Crooning on my STEREO: Medio Dia by CAFE TACUBA

Spa on a Monday was NICE. I underestimated the lack of blue skies here and totally burnt myself under the sun. Thats ok. I am so great. I recently bought bottles of rapid tanning sun block from Rome and never had the chance to use them.


This idyllic life gave me more time to read. So I bought a couple of magazines; a mixture of some local and my usual brit mags. So I was reading FEMALE yesterday. And came across several locally penned articles that was quite atrociously written.

I think I know these writers. And I think they are quite young. As a special mention, there was a 2 or 3 pager (yes the write-up was THAT long) which dwelled on the subject of how working long hours will eventually kill you. Since it applies so adequately to my pre-resignation lifestyle, I read it with full interest.

But really, after straining my eyes in the sun, I realised that I was reading a mediocre "O" Level essay adhering to the deadpan academic format:- state a point. example. paraphrase a point. example. plagiarise a point. example. make a few smart alec remarks. example. summarise entire article in case the reader has forgotten your point. full stop.

so where the heck is the your conclusion?

Yay, this article gets published! yay! yay! Let me tell my friends on Facebook!

A couple of days ago, (or was it yesterday?) there was a film article in The Star Newspaper in conjunction with the ongoing Iranian Film Festival. (Malaysia loves Iran. We have an Iranian film festival every two months because screening 100 Iranian films {as everybody seems to have cried while watching "Children of Heaven"} that personifies rural life and poverty is oh, sooo, sublime )

Back to the newsie. A girl attempted an article explaining how films have evolved to glorify the deprived female character as significant plot protagonists. (in my simpler words= she wanted to define GIRL POWER)

So she drones on this essay, with a familliar paper format she probably learnt back in college:

INTRODUCTION
Start with lame personal viewpoint like, 'As a female cinemagoer, I think...
Support with an introductory example/case study to support your lame viewpoint.
Paraphase something such as a brief history of how women are ill treated like mongrels in cinema.

BODY
Plagiarise an obvious point.
Example of Film #1 (remember to write a one-liner at the end of each paragraph to remind dumb or bored readers the point of this essay)
Plagiarise a second obvious point.
Example of Film #2 (ditto. above)
Plagiarise a few obvious and dumb points.
Example of Film #3 - Example #50 (all ditto. above)
Make a short, cliched and serious sentence - "Cinema has evolved soooo much since prehistoric times."

CONCLUSION
Make a lame personal conclusion: "I want girl power to be interpreted more effectively in cinema, less repression, beautiful life, blah blah." (Use big words to convey seriousness and thoughfulness so that the masses will admire your academic writing on a Monday evening. )

My favourite bit was her sympathetic reference to Fatih Akin's "Head On" (if you remember, this film is where I derived the quote "you dont have to kill yourself to end your life".. genius. ) As TV rights are only made available for Europe late last year, it amazes me where else she has watched this film apart from purchasing an illegal copy from the pirates?

Call the polizia.

Malaysian Mass Media is boring the nuts out of me.

Heiress

Crooning on my STEREO: Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) by MIKA

Time and time again, remind me this
NO TEQUILA. NO MORE TEQUILA SHOTS. NO MORE!!!!!!
I pretty darn well know that it is DISGUSTING. But yet I still down some. And kill myself. I never learn.

Nice to be home and not worry about the laundry. But I miss my sayang and I can't wait till summer. You know, life is so good. I am so proud that I didn't sob on the plane. A way to resolving this is to consume excessive amounts of terrible champagne on board. So much that the cabin staff thought that I loved it and now I am stuck with an additional bottle to feed my fellow alcohol leaches.

It's been 6 days since we parted and I swear that I haven't shed a single tear. I am so strong. I am so brave. I am so strong. etc etc etc. As they say, "Non c'e istinto pari a quello del cuore". For now, life goes on and we will be closer very soon :)

Back to reality. Now I live life like my dear friend Edie (below) minus the drugs. So carefree, giggling more than ever and doing the bits and bobs of youth. Till May..... No work = FUN.

Monday stress? work traffic?? blehhh..... I am going out of town for a Spa day tommorrow... whooop whooooop!!

I have something to else to totally brag about:
THE WORLD'S BEST LASAGNA IS FRESH OUT OF THE OVEN!!!!!!

I MADE IT. EVERYBODY LOVEEEEEEEEED IT. HAPPY EASTER!!!!!!!

I stole the groundbreaking recipe from sayang who only makes the best. I am just a humble apprentice. Shhhh...

Ubriaco

Crooning on my STEREO: Nuova Ossessione by SUBSONICA

Sorry for being so slack at blogging lately. I am totally on holiday and will continue to do so until kingdom come.

I came to a terrible realisation that OMG my alcohol tolerance has gone down to an embarassing level. I am trying to recall but I was certain that last night I consumed the following:

4 Vodka cocktails mixed with god knows what.
3 terrible tequila shots back to back.
1 rum mix with whatever coke I think. I dont even remember ordering it. Or I probably grabbed it from a stranger.



And had a total mental blackout at 4am. But I was somewhat sober enough to beat up potential perverts on the street.

BUT, DAMN, THATS SO LITTLE!!!!! I WAS BETTER, I SWEAR!!

2 years back when I was a student here I was able to hold up to 4 glasses pure vodkas, another 2 with red bull and 5 beers before landing in the toilet speaking posessed Italian. Those were my glory days.

Off to the supermarket now. Incriminating photos to be posted on Facebook next week. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

Past

Crooning on my STEREO: Oreminutisecondi by ALMAMEGRETTA

I can tell you one thing: There is something VERY SCARY about unearthing a person's past.



Again, I cannot tell you what it is. I will be an annoying twat for now.

Italy is okay. Theres not much sun, a bit chilly and I am getting very fat. The evil dish below has been wrecking my dreams.....



A nice pork katsu curry :)

Life Is Now Part 2

Crooning on my STEREO:


Oh. my. god. I am such an embarassment it might be better if u chuck me into a gutter.

I seriously need to drink to make some sense of this manic life.

Things just keeeeeeeeeps getting better doesnt it? Shoot me.

Life- Is- Now

Crooning on my STEREO: Castles In The Sky by IAN VAN DAHL

Spoilt brat lifestyle is on hold. Tommorrow I will be back at what I do best: lugging a massive suitcase all over train stations. Man, I miss that.

Another KL mystery...WHY IS IT SOOOO DIFFICULT TO FIND BLACK HOLDUP STOCKINGS HERE???



The skinny chicks would have snapped sizes that arent mine. So where the hell did the rest go? You know, I am totally lamenting over the lack of Victoria's Secret. I kicking myself for overlooking the mammoth store at Caesar's Palace, Vegas. I know, I know, I am so full of regrets.

Oh, baby, mess is all over the place. Don't Think. Just get back to Perugia and I will figure out fabulosity from there.

FREEDOMMMM

Crooning on my STEREO: Les Matins de Paris by TEKI LATEX

"Freedom" is/ (or was?) a brand for sanitary napkins. It was a lame connotation I pissed about during my Sayfolian high school days, at the time when Robbie Williams had just gone solo and made a hit out of George Michael's expired record. I vaguely recall the music video as this; Robbie was skipping about in a stream clad in denims while manicly declaring "FREEDOOOMMMM" similar to that of a deranged preacher.

Strangely, I feel that way. It is somewhat liberating that you are not committed to contracts, which profoundly states why I haven't tied myself down by buying a fancy car. I am so young and I can't stay put. But when I am ready to settle on one location, soon, I'd love to get one of these:-



This is, oh, so cute. It was love at first sight when I saw this in Paris 10 years ago. It is so annoyingly girly, perfect for bad reverse parkers and a great European city car. I am wishful thinking that this might work in KL a little, but it is certainly not hazard proof from trucks that constantly flip over on our roads.

Secondly, I tendered my resignation a month ago and I can now enjoy a well deserved two month break. I will miss my favourite colleagues. They are the loveable bunch of attractive girls, whom I refer to as my "career sisters" and I appreciate their tolerance over my rubbish the past year or so.



Trust me, they are the ones who work your American programmes on TV. The great ones. Thank them. We worked hard, you know?

So nice to be on break. I can finally go ice skating with the kids tommorrow and show them whats left of my rusty limbs. I can drink coffee and read tabloids at Starbucks till kingdom come. I can conquer the empty pool on weekdays.

Thank You, F.A.B.U.L.O.S.I.T.Y

Bring on the TIKUS

Crooning on my STEREO: Overpowered by ROISIN MURPHY

Formalities First.

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!!

followed by those manic greetings on wealth, prosperity, climbing up the career ladder by licking your bosses' balls, etc. Why couldn't anyone have wished me ample luck on striking the lottery aka. El Gordo???

Chinese New Year is always about money and bracing idiots. Speaking of bling, I think KIMORA LEE is nuts but oh so hot. I am totally into her preachings on fabulosity. I have decided to be tacky and fabulous from now on.



I KNOW I have been keeping quiet and I KNOW that's becoming quite annoying. You may even notice that I have posted some vague directions and odd implications in all my previous entries the last couple of months. So much for beating around the bush. Rest assured that this is only a temporary phase and I will return to that lightweight blogger I used to be before I annoy myself any further.

There is a reason for this: I cannot tell you what fabulous stuffs I will do until there is a full degree of certainty. I am such a big-ass perfectionist hence I am not into half boiled statments of glory (which reminds me of a certain idiot). It's only for this little aspect that I am sorry I cannot be upfront with you for now. My Facebook incriminates alot so you might as well check it there.

Then there are a few people who shouldn't know either. Despite how much these 1 or 2 people claim to despise me, its pretty odd how they still read my blog on a very regular basis.

Jumping back to my ideals of fabulosity: I resigned from my decent job (finally!!) and I am going back to my sayang in 2 weeks.

OMG I can't wait. My dear rats, this is indeed LIFE IN THE FAB LANE!!