Sunday, May 14, 2006

1,2,3,4,5,6


Crooning on my STEREO:
Tears and Rain by JAMES BLUNT

TIME: 1:02:03 a.m
DATE: 4.05.06


Dear Diary,

Okay. I am not writing this exactly at 1:02:03 a.m. They were raving about this auspicious date and time where it only coincides once in a few hundred years. While some lucky friends of mine got their marriage proposals, let me enlighten you with what I did that night.

I had the entire house to myself. Sis is happilly in Europe while parents were holidaying Down Under. American Idol was on telly, so I was inspired to create a solo rendition of 'ALL BY MYSELF' in the karaoke room downstairs. Truth said, I souded like a wailing pig in the slaughterhouse.

As I couldn't reach the high notes, I choked out all my unpleasant memories and summoned the courage to gulp down half a 1 litre bottle of Smirnoff. Honestly, it was such an amazing feat because it tasted like car polish.

Well it got me pretty high for a start.

So I decided to switch off my mobile phone. Ignored the house phone. Unplugged the internet.

I locked myself in that room. No, I aint gonna slice my wrists with a butter knife.
I dimmed the lights and hallucinated Randy, Paula and Simon's presence a few feet away from my microphone stand. I chose 'SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH' as an opening number. Well, I rocked it. I bet I could kick Fantasia's arse when it comes to screaming out dynamic notes.

So I gulped down some leftover cooking wine.

HELL YEAH.

My next attempt? 'THE END OF THE WORLD'. Phwoarrr... exploded with so much of emotion. Man, I swear I can do a kick ass cover of this song.

I downed a glass of random brandy I found at the bottom of the bar sink. Whatever. So I decided to croon a highly emotional number:- 'NEVER BEEN TO ME.' So emotional that it got the neighbourhood dogs barking. Even my own dogs were embarrassed to woof for a start.

Next on, I scrurried for a pretty ancient bottle of rum in the hindsight. god knows where that came from. At that point, my vision was pretty screwed up, so anything in a bottle HAD to be alcohol. Tasted shit but what the hell. So I grabbed the mike, stood on the couch and did the ultimate encore: - 'FLYING WITHOUT WINGS'.

Now, thats gay.

Slouched on the couch and on the verge of puking, I decided to put my self-induced poisoning to a HALT. It was 3 am and I've got to screw myself in the office the next morning.

WHATEVER.

Guess what? I am single.

14 comments:

alfaqeer said...

I dunno how you can combine something so sad but still make it so funny. But really, that was sad.

Jane said...

Guess what I'm single and I love to be single now!!!

Reta said...

funny la u babee

hey ur superlicious hawt men are blind or what... someone needs some pimpin' herself wink

car@ said...

Lyn LAH!!! so fucking funny like always liao!!!! What da ya mean the ancient rum tasted like shit??! UH?! UH?! ;-P there is nothing much sweeter than ancient rum lol! ;-P

And guess what! i know a girl that she is single coz when asked out she freaks! WTF babe! show them what you've GOT!!! ;-)
I am telling you too, it is not THAT bad to be single, i am too and i do WHATEVER i please without giving explanations to noONE. word!
MUACKS BABE! LOVE U loads!!!

Anonymous said...

holy mackerolly!! that's a whole lotta booze....and I wasnt there to share it???? Bah!!! Cruel woman u are....lol :P

Anonymous said...

cara : couldnt have said it better!! *thumbs up*

Anonymous said...

Next time you do something like that, invite me over. :)

mistipurple said...

being single isn't all that bad, like cara said. i think it is worse to be in a bad relationship. or a bad marriage. but you will get married, you are still young and pretty. enjoy life first ya? (before all the ropes tie you in.)

Yng Lyn said...

hahah how cool! I didn't complain about being single here but this is event a parody of how I have turned into an alcoholic ;)

boy, i love my drinks!

hugs to you all :) muacks!!!

sic6sense said...

alkie!! can i watch the next time you're up to it again?

goldilocks said...

You can really drink, Lyn. pei4 fu2.

What's your secret to lasting so many rounds?

Mirebella said...

YLyn - link away .. I am honored to be linked to your homepage.. :-)
Speaking of which - I need to take a swig of my vodka ribena ..heheh

Melbourne's okla - but I much rather live in Spain..sigh... if only!! Wanna swap places :p

p/s: Whats the weekend plans looking like? I am at home - watching Big Brother.. on a Friday nite!!! :p

Anonymous said...

Hey what a great site keep up the work its excellent.
»

Anonymous said...

Great site loved it alot, will come back and visit again.
»