Sunday, May 14, 2006

1,2,3,4,5,6


Crooning on my STEREO:
Tears and Rain by JAMES BLUNT

TIME: 1:02:03 a.m
DATE: 4.05.06


Dear Diary,

Okay. I am not writing this exactly at 1:02:03 a.m. They were raving about this auspicious date and time where it only coincides once in a few hundred years. While some lucky friends of mine got their marriage proposals, let me enlighten you with what I did that night.

I had the entire house to myself. Sis is happilly in Europe while parents were holidaying Down Under. American Idol was on telly, so I was inspired to create a solo rendition of 'ALL BY MYSELF' in the karaoke room downstairs. Truth said, I souded like a wailing pig in the slaughterhouse.

As I couldn't reach the high notes, I choked out all my unpleasant memories and summoned the courage to gulp down half a 1 litre bottle of Smirnoff. Honestly, it was such an amazing feat because it tasted like car polish.

Well it got me pretty high for a start.

So I decided to switch off my mobile phone. Ignored the house phone. Unplugged the internet.

I locked myself in that room. No, I aint gonna slice my wrists with a butter knife.
I dimmed the lights and hallucinated Randy, Paula and Simon's presence a few feet away from my microphone stand. I chose 'SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH' as an opening number. Well, I rocked it. I bet I could kick Fantasia's arse when it comes to screaming out dynamic notes.

So I gulped down some leftover cooking wine.

HELL YEAH.

My next attempt? 'THE END OF THE WORLD'. Phwoarrr... exploded with so much of emotion. Man, I swear I can do a kick ass cover of this song.

I downed a glass of random brandy I found at the bottom of the bar sink. Whatever. So I decided to croon a highly emotional number:- 'NEVER BEEN TO ME.' So emotional that it got the neighbourhood dogs barking. Even my own dogs were embarrassed to woof for a start.

Next on, I scrurried for a pretty ancient bottle of rum in the hindsight. god knows where that came from. At that point, my vision was pretty screwed up, so anything in a bottle HAD to be alcohol. Tasted shit but what the hell. So I grabbed the mike, stood on the couch and did the ultimate encore: - 'FLYING WITHOUT WINGS'.

Now, thats gay.

Slouched on the couch and on the verge of puking, I decided to put my self-induced poisoning to a HALT. It was 3 am and I've got to screw myself in the office the next morning.

WHATEVER.

Guess what? I am single.

17 comments:

socialpest said...

I dunno how you can combine something so sad but still make it so funny. But really, that was sad.

Jane said...

Guess what I'm single and I love to be single now!!!

cyber-red said...

funny la u babee

hey ur superlicious hawt men are blind or what... someone needs some pimpin' herself wink

Simple American said...

Ohhh! Hope you made it to your room without decorating the floor or breaking your neck.

Should have IMed me and we could have worked out a script. Be good to yourself. But then I did the same.

There are costs which I won't detail. But one day this kind of stuff does put a boot in your ass.

Hugs AhMui.

car@ said...

Lyn LAH!!! so fucking funny like always liao!!!! What da ya mean the ancient rum tasted like shit??! UH?! UH?! ;-P there is nothing much sweeter than ancient rum lol! ;-P

And guess what! i know a girl that she is single coz when asked out she freaks! WTF babe! show them what you've GOT!!! ;-)
I am telling you too, it is not THAT bad to be single, i am too and i do WHATEVER i please without giving explanations to noONE. word!
MUACKS BABE! LOVE U loads!!!

yvy said...

holy mackerolly!! that's a whole lotta booze....and I wasnt there to share it???? Bah!!! Cruel woman u are....lol :P

yvy said...

cara : couldnt have said it better!! *thumbs up*

Kunstemæcker said...

Next time you do something like that, invite me over. :)

mistipurple said...

being single isn't all that bad, like cara said. i think it is worse to be in a bad relationship. or a bad marriage. but you will get married, you are still young and pretty. enjoy life first ya? (before all the ropes tie you in.)

Yng Lyn said...

hahah how cool! I didn't complain about being single here but this is event a parody of how I have turned into an alcoholic ;)

boy, i love my drinks!

hugs to you all :) muacks!!!

sic6sense said...

alkie!! can i watch the next time you're up to it again?

Simple American said...

Hey I'll drink to that.

Goldilocks said...

You can really drink, Lyn. pei4 fu2.

What's your secret to lasting so many rounds?

Mirebella said...

YLyn - link away .. I am honored to be linked to your homepage.. :-)
Speaking of which - I need to take a swig of my vodka ribena ..heheh

Melbourne's okla - but I much rather live in Spain..sigh... if only!! Wanna swap places :p

p/s: Whats the weekend plans looking like? I am at home - watching Big Brother.. on a Friday nite!!! :p

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