Friday, May 26, 2006
10 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL IS GOOD FOR YOU
Crooning on my STEREO: Tequila Sunrise by CYPRESS HILL
I am speaking of drinks that can fuck up your brains. You know, drinks that get you high and consequtively fuck around with your moods. Nah, drugs aint no good. Give me 2 Long Islands and I can be friendly with the car jockey.
Alcohol gets you HIGH. HIGH = HAPPY. I like. We all like to be happy. Who doesn't?
Alcohol enables you to CONQUER THE WORLD. Or so you think. It is okay to fantasise your abilities and delude yourself into achieving something close to it. In other words, you finally summon the courage to speak to that hot bloke by the bar.
Tequilas and vodkas have one thing in common: they taste like car petrol. Nothing wrong with that though. Just that downing quantities is considered a social feat... after downing 5 shots in a row you will earn the respect of your shallow friends and random strangers.
Alcohol is the best remedy for heartaches. Speaking from experience here, why do you think I am writing this in the first place?? Damn you, mankind.
Alcohol earns you friends. Serious. Go to clubs after 2 am and you realise that random strangers are cradling your waist and men are more willing to open doors for you rather than to slam them right in your face when they are sober.
Alcohol is a form of medicine. Okay, thats bullshit. But I swear I recovered from a flu after throwing up excessive alcohol. Ooops.
Storing several bottles of imported beer in the fringe gives you the reassurance that if you ever hit any form of anxiety, help can be found in the kitchen.
If you can't sleep, drink 500ml of Absolut and I guarantee you instant pass-out.
Alcohol brings out your hidden desires. That is, if you refuse to dance to Kylie's 'Locomotive Song'.... 3 bottles of alcopop will certainly delude you into grooving foolishly. Even if they play KRU's 'AWAS' or Siti Nurhaliza, you'd still groove. In front of your crush. Without shame.
Most people testify that I am a BETTER person whenever I am intoxicated.