ANTM & The AttacK Of The ExeS.

Crooning on my STEREO: Flaunt It by TV Rock Feat. Seany B.

Facebook is a pretty dangerous platform; simply because within the click of button you are able to enable your past to seemingly embrace, or, enrapture you. Well, its pretty cool for some people. I thought it was quite exciting to allow some terrible men of my past to drool over how smoking hot I have become and slap themselves with regret.

But of course, there is also such a thing called backfire.

Damn that word. Some of the recent additions to my friends list are men I had been involved with after the turn of the millenium. Before this I was the eeky angel who never had a guy. (I can't disclose the number because itd just make you cry.) So you can imagine.

Well obviously it didn't work out with any of them in the past. I was always the optimistic one, happy-go-lucky, naive and ready to fall in LOVE. I had no idea the definition of a fuck buddy. A beautiful friend? What the hell was a casual date? I thought if you kissed someone when you were sober, he had to be in love with you.

Then I endured the ugly truth. There were men who came, conquered and left. And I was left crying and bleeding in the bathroom, clinging on to my mobile hoping that somebody would call to say he loved me.

Rather predictably, those knight-in-armour calls never came. There was the occasional SMS that said, "hey would you like to grab 'lunch'"? You'd be proud to know that I never replied to those.

Back to the present. What I can derive from a few photos is that now they all have steady girlfriends. (incredibly hot girls, dammit) I am already deriving morning sickness from happy couple photos in the sun, wall posts addressing each other as 'baby', 'honey,' 'cupcakes' and most the most sickening of all, 'I love you.'

I am bitter because I never had those. And I can't help but to be affected by them. In the bout of dissecting what went wrong, I would have blamed it primarily on my looks. If I was more beautiful, many things would have worked out. If I looked fit, they wouldnt have left because they would have been proud to be seen with me. And stayed.

It is a shallow conclusion, but that is also the easiest conception in compliance with a shallow world. I hate to feel sorry for myself but yet I am pretty much incapable of blaming others for their happiness.

Best thing is to move on. Or delete the dreadful bunch from Facebook. Today I am in love with an amazing man whom I would love to spend the rest of my life with. Unlike the terrible junk I wasted my tears on, my sayang is so perfect.

However, I cannot help but to feel that he is alright with losing me the very next day. Just like the rest, he will move on with a more beautiful girl. He will be ok. But as for me I will cry myself to death, if I am even slightly lucky.

I know, its all about feeling sorry. But then again you must experience the scary depths of rejection to empathise with this.

Ok, I will stop the depressing crap for now. For those who follow ANTM's latest cycle on YouTube, ohhh myyy goodnesss this is so so so hilarious:



Basically these American contestants were based in Rome, and had to shoot a Covergirl TV Commercial in ITALIAN. Why I find it so horribly amusing is pretty much self explanatory..

WHAT THE HECK WERE THEY SAYING ??!?!?!

I almost fell off the chair

PATATA!!!!!

Crooning on my STEREO: Lollipop by MIKA

Due to security concerns, the original post has been modified into a more self-indulgent version as per below.

In case you even BOTHER, I just got back from the U.S.A and brought a luggage full of nice things home with me. I am so in love. In case you even BOTHER, this is one of my obssessive purchases from the greatest blessing that is Victoria's Secret:



I am talking about the cheeky dress, not the chick. DOH. Again, in case you even BOTHER, I didn't buy the fluffy fan to complete the look. It is very likely that only my sayang will see me drunk & doning this frock with a beer in one hand.... if the size still fits by then.

It was tremendously good to be in Sin City: living in the best suites, best mansions with Bon Jovi as a gentle neighbour and sublime shopping... but my gambling luck is a little lopsided. Even my camera luck was lame, you would've read that I've met so and so celebs but I NEVER had my camera with me. Whoever who jinxed me in this aspect should poop themselves to oblivion.

My ultimate favourite is The Mansion @ MGM Grand, where the most gorgeous, posh & elite sunbathers congregated by the VIP pool every morning. Although I was the heaviest and worst looking of the lot, I still managed to strike up meaningful conversations with them and learnt that I was lucky enough to be there with my family, and not with an old and dying gigolo to gain this luxury.



Then there was San Francisco, where the shopping beats the world and I am missing a lovely aunt. Last but not least there was Hollywood; the mecca for all struggling and starving actors. A few people from my Method class thrived there, and some went home. Lazy arses like me perpectually holiday there.



Again, the green card seems like a pretty good idea in my quest for the Holy Grail.

VIVA VEGAS!!!

Crooning on my STEREO: Sex Bomb by TOM JONES

A quick one to piss about how strange it is to blog on a massive plasma telly in an enormous suite alone with a few rose bubblies overlooking the whole of Vegas courtesy of a massive panorama window facing Mr Trump's unopened hotel. I just saw the Beckhams (including the kids) with Elton snd witnessed Tom Jones' newly acquired tan. Everything is so odd and you cannot imagine how much stuff I am buying. I am so totally shallow and I think I just walked past Pamela Anderson? She had those big burly guaards around her. Then there's the PCD casino and lounge. OMG.

Cameras are prohibited. But it's what I see that truly matters!!

This is why I have always loved coming back to Vegas. This place is so sick.

OHhhh.. Thank Heaven's for VICTORIAS SECRET!!! Muax muax muaxx

Trans-atlantic Fishes

Crooning on my STEREO: Angelica by LE VIBRAZIONE

Due to popular demand, I've decided to post up a picture of a hundred fishes mauling my feet (and a glimpse of my fat thighs) at the much hyped KENKO FISH SPA.

HOW DID IT FEEL? PINS N' NEEDLES WITH A SLIMY TWIST
It's totally SICK. The biggest challenge is at the very beginning when you sink your feet into the murky water. Once your feet touches the water surface: schools and schools and schools of grey fishes riot towards you (theory: the more filthy you are, the more you attract). The point of this exercise is that these multitudes of guppies will manicly FEED on your feet's dead skin. (although they seem to have an insatiable fetish for your heels). Oh... I can't describe the rest. It's just, just, just EEWWWWWWW

It's the most odd-ass 30 minutes of spa treatment I've ever had.

In every effort to get through the half hour ordeal without laughing like a deranged hyena, I shouted the following:
LICK MY FILTHY FEETTTT!!! EXFOLIATEEEEEEE MEEEEE!!!!!! SUCK MY HEEEEL!!!! I AM GONNA HAVE GORGEOUS FEET AFTER YOU SUCKERSSSSS !!!!! EXFOLIATEEEEE!!!!

Try it. It brought out the forgotten chav in me.
It is also pretty obvious that fishes that feed on filth are, obviously, filthy creatures.

Tip: It's best not to look down on who's nibbling at your feet. Especially when you see a huge-mama fish (and her 50 juniors) approaching your big toe.

Anyway, I am flying out tommorrow morning. It's 3rd time back to LA, San Francisco and my hedonistic favourite:
LAS VEGAS ONCE AGAIN, BABY!!!!!


I should just live there.

Women of Substance

Crooning on my STEREO: Medio Dia by CAFE TACUBA

Spa on a Monday was NICE. I underestimated the lack of blue skies here and totally burnt myself under the sun. Thats ok. I am so great. I recently bought bottles of rapid tanning sun block from Rome and never had the chance to use them.


This idyllic life gave me more time to read. So I bought a couple of magazines; a mixture of some local and my usual brit mags. So I was reading FEMALE yesterday. And came across several locally penned articles that was quite atrociously written.

I think I know these writers. And I think they are quite young. As a special mention, there was a 2 or 3 pager (yes the write-up was THAT long) which dwelled on the subject of how working long hours will eventually kill you. Since it applies so adequately to my pre-resignation lifestyle, I read it with full interest.

But really, after straining my eyes in the sun, I realised that I was reading a mediocre "O" Level essay adhering to the deadpan academic format:- state a point. example. paraphrase a point. example. plagiarise a point. example. make a few smart alec remarks. example. summarise entire article in case the reader has forgotten your point. full stop.

so where the heck is the your conclusion?

Yay, this article gets published! yay! yay! Let me tell my friends on Facebook!

A couple of days ago, (or was it yesterday?) there was a film article in The Star Newspaper in conjunction with the ongoing Iranian Film Festival. (Malaysia loves Iran. We have an Iranian film festival every two months because screening 100 Iranian films {as everybody seems to have cried while watching "Children of Heaven"} that personifies rural life and poverty is oh, sooo, sublime )

Back to the newsie. A girl attempted an article explaining how films have evolved to glorify the deprived female character as significant plot protagonists. (in my simpler words= she wanted to define GIRL POWER)

So she drones on this essay, with a familliar paper format she probably learnt back in college:

INTRODUCTION
Start with lame personal viewpoint like, 'As a female cinemagoer, I think...
Support with an introductory example/case study to support your lame viewpoint.
Paraphase something such as a brief history of how women are ill treated like mongrels in cinema.

BODY
Plagiarise an obvious point.
Example of Film #1 (remember to write a one-liner at the end of each paragraph to remind dumb or bored readers the point of this essay)
Plagiarise a second obvious point.
Example of Film #2 (ditto. above)
Plagiarise a few obvious and dumb points.
Example of Film #3 - Example #50 (all ditto. above)
Make a short, cliched and serious sentence - "Cinema has evolved soooo much since prehistoric times."

CONCLUSION
Make a lame personal conclusion: "I want girl power to be interpreted more effectively in cinema, less repression, beautiful life, blah blah." (Use big words to convey seriousness and thoughfulness so that the masses will admire your academic writing on a Monday evening. )

My favourite bit was her sympathetic reference to Fatih Akin's "Head On" (if you remember, this film is where I derived the quote "you dont have to kill yourself to end your life".. genius. ) As TV rights are only made available for Europe late last year, it amazes me where else she has watched this film apart from purchasing an illegal copy from the pirates?

Call the polizia.

Malaysian Mass Media is boring the nuts out of me.

Heiress

Crooning on my STEREO: Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) by MIKA

Time and time again, remind me this
NO TEQUILA. NO MORE TEQUILA SHOTS. NO MORE!!!!!!
I pretty darn well know that it is DISGUSTING. But yet I still down some. And kill myself. I never learn.

Nice to be home and not worry about the laundry. But I miss my sayang and I can't wait till summer. You know, life is so good. I am so proud that I didn't sob on the plane. A way to resolving this is to consume excessive amounts of terrible champagne on board. So much that the cabin staff thought that I loved it and now I am stuck with an additional bottle to feed my fellow alcohol leaches.

It's been 6 days since we parted and I swear that I haven't shed a single tear. I am so strong. I am so brave. I am so strong. etc etc etc. As they say, "Non c'e istinto pari a quello del cuore". For now, life goes on and we will be closer very soon :)

Back to reality. Now I live life like my dear friend Edie (below) minus the drugs. So carefree, giggling more than ever and doing the bits and bobs of youth. Till May..... No work = FUN.

Monday stress? work traffic?? blehhh..... I am going out of town for a Spa day tommorrow... whooop whooooop!!

I have something to else to totally brag about:
THE WORLD'S BEST LASAGNA IS FRESH OUT OF THE OVEN!!!!!!

I MADE IT. EVERYBODY LOVEEEEEEEEED IT. HAPPY EASTER!!!!!!!

I stole the groundbreaking recipe from sayang who only makes the best. I am just a humble apprentice. Shhhh...

Ubriaco

Crooning on my STEREO: Nuova Ossessione by SUBSONICA

Sorry for being so slack at blogging lately. I am totally on holiday and will continue to do so until kingdom come.

I came to a terrible realisation that OMG my alcohol tolerance has gone down to an embarassing level. I am trying to recall but I was certain that last night I consumed the following:

4 Vodka cocktails mixed with god knows what.
3 terrible tequila shots back to back.
1 rum mix with whatever coke I think. I dont even remember ordering it. Or I probably grabbed it from a stranger.



And had a total mental blackout at 4am. But I was somewhat sober enough to beat up potential perverts on the street.

BUT, DAMN, THATS SO LITTLE!!!!! I WAS BETTER, I SWEAR!!

2 years back when I was a student here I was able to hold up to 4 glasses pure vodkas, another 2 with red bull and 5 beers before landing in the toilet speaking posessed Italian. Those were my glory days.

Off to the supermarket now. Incriminating photos to be posted on Facebook next week. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

Past

Crooning on my STEREO: Oreminutisecondi by ALMAMEGRETTA

I can tell you one thing: There is something VERY SCARY about unearthing a person's past.



Again, I cannot tell you what it is. I will be an annoying twat for now.

Italy is okay. Theres not much sun, a bit chilly and I am getting very fat. The evil dish below has been wrecking my dreams.....



A nice pork katsu curry :)

Life Is Now Part 2

Crooning on my STEREO:


Oh. my. god. I am such an embarassment it might be better if u chuck me into a gutter.

I seriously need to drink to make some sense of this manic life.

Things just keeeeeeeeeps getting better doesnt it? Shoot me.

Life- Is- Now

Crooning on my STEREO: Castles In The Sky by IAN VAN DAHL

Spoilt brat lifestyle is on hold. Tommorrow I will be back at what I do best: lugging a massive suitcase all over train stations. Man, I miss that.

Another KL mystery...WHY IS IT SOOOO DIFFICULT TO FIND BLACK HOLDUP STOCKINGS HERE???



The skinny chicks would have snapped sizes that arent mine. So where the hell did the rest go? You know, I am totally lamenting over the lack of Victoria's Secret. I kicking myself for overlooking the mammoth store at Caesar's Palace, Vegas. I know, I know, I am so full of regrets.

Oh, baby, mess is all over the place. Don't Think. Just get back to Perugia and I will figure out fabulosity from there.