Sunday, February 26, 2006
Crooning on my STEREO: Rainsong by the MOSQUITOS
When you're in the industry, every Tom Dick and Harry talks cock about Oscar nominees. Exactly a year ago a girl from my drama class scored a leading role in a short film which eventually led her to her (or rather her director's) first Oscar win. I thought that was so cool that she did it. And I didnt. WTF.
Anyway, check this. DID I HEAR IT RIGHT?
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY IS NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR
Oscar for WHAT?
OSCAR FOR BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Time to question the world. Nominating Keira for an Oscars is equivalent to nominating Josh Groban a Grammy fot Best HipHop artiste of the year. But then again Scarlett Johansson had won a BAFTA in the Best Actress Category in her excruciatingly deadpan i- am- so- impoverished- and- I- need- a- fuck role of a servant girl in The Girl With A Pearl Earring last year. (or the year before. whatever.) That same unoriginal deadfish performance was then emulated in Lost in Translation.
Suddenly an ocean full of male spectators lusted over her constipated portrayal of a tortured flawless beauty.
Nevermind that. I thought Scarlett's case was a tragic definition of amateur screen acting. One fine summer's day, several footie blokes spotted a particular dumb blonde fiddling with a football in Bend It Like Beckham. GOAL. Say hello to KEIRA KNIGHTLEY.
LOOK. THIS "QUEEN OF POUT" CANNOT ACT.
She just bloody CANT, okay? I aint going to explain further.
You know the natural order is fucked up when some dingbat decides to nominate
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY alongside JUDI DENCH.
What the crap were the Academy dudes thinking? This is purely an execution of a vile sin.
JUDI DENCH IS THE EPITOME OF SCREEN PERFORMANCE IN ALL ITS GREATNESS.
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY DOES NOT ACT. SHE POUTS.
Get it? If the Academy dumbasses had included ZHANG ZIYI into the Best Actresses' Category, I WILL FLIP.
We are actively embracing a whole new generation of useless actresses who do nothing but BROOD, SULK and POUT
Apparently they call that sexy.
Stupid or what?