Sunday, February 19, 2006

KARMA'S A BITCH


Crooning on my STEREO:
Por Que Te Vas by JAVIER ALVAREZ

You see, I AM A GOOD PERSON. I don't plot murders. I don't nick your lunch. I don't spike my enemy's drinks. I don't commit adultery. I don't sniff cocaine. And I don't run animals down on the road.

THE BIG PICTURE IS: I AM KIND.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.


I KNOW THAT TOO. The point is, karma NEVER reciprocates the slightest bit of my good will to granting me some GOOD LUCK with MEN. (and my acting career, too.)

THAT SUCKS. AND I AM COMPLAINING BIG TIME.

MAN CASE #1

Hot bloke asked me to meet him for lunch. I gleefully agree. So the date's set at 2pm. I set out at 1:30pm. Waited for the bus. There was a SNOWSTORM. My new dress was endorned with mud splashes. My hair was reduced to strangly bits of over-boiled pasta. And I got there at half two. Hot bloke wasn't impressed.

RUINED

MAN CASE #2

Nice Boy set a date to meet me on HOLY GROUNDS (aka. Church) on a sunny and chirpy Sunday morning. Happily strolling out of my student home to the bus stop, I saw a sign. BUS SERVICES ON STRIKE. Nice Boy did not have a mobile. And I didn't make it to the holy mass.

RUINED

MAN CASE #3

Met Cute Boy at the local chipper. Had a nice chat on Arsenal's Glory Days while waiting for our kebabs. As I took my mayonaise- drenched- chicken donor- delight from the chipper counter.... by all means of supernatural intervention, it SLIPPED out of my hands onto his workbag.

RUINED

MAN CASE #4

I was walking with Sexy Boy across Tottenham Court Road. Happy Happy Joy Joy. Until my kitten heels decided to part with my soles as we took the pedestrian crossing. I limped back to my flat without a shoe. Pret A Manger patrons watched me in absolute delight. Sexy Boy never asked me out again.

RUINED

MAN CASE #5

Recently I had the greatest blessing of sharing the lift with the ULTIMATE MAN OF MY DREAMS. We chatted. We parted. My hormones raged in teenage ecstasy. Shortly I met my reflection on the mirror. A massive blood-red lipstick stain was, all that while, engraved on my front tooth.

BLOODY RUINED


Fate can be such a total bitch.

22 comments:

Simple American said...

Glad I'm not a hot bloke. I have enough bad stuff happening to me already.

mistipurple said...

i shouldn't be laughing.
*snigger*
but babe, at least there ARE hot dudes around you!!! i, on the other hand, am due for the wrinkle bin soon.

vinzi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
vinzi said...

tough luck. *smiles*
i'll pray that you meet your meant-to-be-hot-bloke soon.
*cheers!*

lilyliverbird said...

Lyn..
I shouldn't laugh but this is sooo funny. My fave is the kebab story.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, the hot bloke that I fancied finally deemed to talk to me, only to invite me to his bleeding wedding.

Life is tough for us hot, single gals.

cyber-red said...

awwww i'm sure they all saw pass that and still think ur cute yah!

if not bring them over and i'll give 'em some whipping lessons hehe

Kunstemæcker said...

at least you can make me laugh with your stories.

I'm not helping, am I?

Brighter Death said...

Where are the men in Malaysia? I am becoming a-sexual in this horrid accursed land.

Seez said...

For what it's worth, if they really were meant for you, they wouldn't have given a shit.

You'll know the guy's for you if he loves you even if you DO have lipstick stuck on your teeth.

stephanie said...

I MUST MUST agree wif a few ppl commenting here...you made me laugh wif ur stories (but i know it aint helping), and where ARE the hot men in KL?!! Im afraid too, of becoming a-sexual in this horrid accursed land. :p Oh wells, you know like the saying goes, players eventually get played. And karma will somehow find a nasty way of getting back at you. Wait, that's not a saying...i made that up :p You MIGHT haf been a player in your past life? Does that help too? o_O

car@ said...

oh Lyn...siento decirlo pero es que me he reido mucho también,jeje! No es oro todo lo que reluce, en españa - bueno- Andalucia ya sabes COMO son también CASI todos los hombres....oh dear! sending hugs and consoling each other.
Muacks! TE QUIERO!!! ;-*

Beer Brat said...

Silliness is sexy.... sometimes.. really.

Jane said...

more sad story from me... no hot bloke around....sigh....

crazycat said...

omg.. it does look like some plot against you!!!

but a bit on the funny side.. :P

Anonymous said...

Ah Lyn,

Not true. You did spike my drink when we had a soft-drink challenge... grrrr... my stomach is still fizzy from that experience!

John

sic6sense said...

lamenting ladies leaves me lustless.

Anonymous said...

hola lyn
tus historias siempre me hacen reir.
no lo puedo creer que te paso de verdad. deberias publicar un libro,
How to date men in Kuala Lampur?
Bueno, hay que seguir tratando.

felicitaciones que Arsenal le gano al real madrid :(

saludos y abrazos.
Pedro G

Anonymous said...

hola lyn
tus historias siempre me hacen reir.
no lo puedo creer que te paso de verdad. deberias publicar un libro,
How to date men in Kuala Lampur?
Bueno, hay que seguir tratando.

felicitaciones que Arsenal le gano al real madrid :(

saludos y abrazos.
Pedro G

car@ said...

Lyn! sorry about the Chelsea but BARÇA played a kicked ass game!!! jajaja!
hugs dear!!

Carrie said...

holy shit sweetie....i must say i thought I had bad luck...you seem to be having much worse than even I these days....it's got to turn around though....so good luck!!! (want me to send u a rabbits foot??) ;P

Anonymous said...

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