Friday, July 08, 2005
My Big Fat Highbury Adventure
Nothing beats going to a Highbury Tour DRUNK.
From experience, it was 3 in the afternoon, had some drinks with friends on an empty stomach and hopped onto the Tube ALONE to ARSENAL for a booked tour of the stadium.
ALONE. I repeat. ALONE. Because all my life I've been surrounded by herds of RED DEVIL GLORY HUNTERS.
PAIN IN THE ASS.
Anyway I wont stray from my story. I got onto the tube half pissed, got out of the tube half pissed (forgot a valid Zone 2 ticket) and climbed over the ticket gates. I was behaving like a total chav.
But for JOSE ANTONIO REYES, I was willing to lower my credibility.
With a flowery skirt and a pair of shades, I walked past local builders (they've always been my favourite- they are the only ones who'd shower me with undivided attention) who willingly showed me directions to the stadium eventhough I was blind enough(or too DRUNK) not to know that the mammoth grounds was RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE.
First of all, I was LATE. While others wore the home jersey, I was wearing designer wannabe stuff (come on, i just came from the bar!!!!!) I quickly made friends with a bunch of old chavs and pretty much hung out with them throughout the entire tour. Word then went around that I was the Moderator of the Unofficial Jose Reyes Fan Club and I became an instant celebrity.
(for those who don't know and SHOULD know: I am the infamous LYN REYES- not having watched a single home match)
The tour was comeprehensive, we were shown pretty much the stadium grounds. My personal favourite was the CHANGING ROOMS. Blolody small place, i can imagine 20 fully grown men crammed in there like sardines.
Oh, and naked as well.
I was literally making out with Jose Reyes' bench and hogging his worn jersey from other enthusiasts. (there werent many of them btw so I had it all to MYSELF....) . I was tempted to take photos of the toilet cubicle but was deterred from suspicious stares from the older chaps.... drunk weirdo.
We were shown footages of Arsenal' greatest goals BUT I was so pissed i was half-asleep in the first half (which documented 1930s successes..all I recalled was bad over-permed hair, size 6 shorts, skinny hairy legs and lycra jerseys.)
2hrs later, I was outta the stadium. Good bye Highbury, till we meet again someday.
NOTE TO CONCERNED FELLAS!!!! I am NOT in LONDON at the moment.. so I am pretty much ALIVE and UNHARMED......
Anyway, I will vanish for the next ten days or so... I'm jetting of to LAS VEGAS tommorrow to kick some ass at the VENETIAN... CIAO ALLLLLLLLLL