Crooning on my STEREO: La Tortura by SHAKIRA
Still writing from the Alcatraz....
10 years ago today: I was quite sure I was running and screaming round like a goddamn lunatic kid in DISNEYWORLD, Florida. Come on, I was only 12!!!!
5 years ago today:Was wailing my eyes out over a bloke I fancied who didn't give two hoots about me. Takes place annually.
1 year ago today: Was probably buried in ZOUK Kuala Lumpur on a free RnB night.
Yesterday: I took two hours to design my thesis cover page, I swear it looks good enough to be published.
Tomorrow: Will bake myself in the sun, do a few laps in the pool, get high on Sangria, take my dogs to the vet and I SHOULD REALLY GET SOME SERIOUS WORK DONE.
5 snacks I enjoy: Black Olives, Cherry Tomatoes, Sour cream crisps, Honey Roasted Cashews and Mayonaise straight from the jar.
5 bands that I know the lyrics to most of their songs:Guns N Roses, Spice Girls (ssshhhhhhhhhh), Boyzone (ssssshhhhhhhhh), Backstreet Boys (Nooooooooooooooo) and B2K. (I SAYYYY..... boyband lyrics are memorable because they RHYME and they're CHEESY as SHIT.)
5 things I would do with $100,000,000: I will do a PARIS HILTON and ROMAN 'CHELSKI'... and renovate the local animal shelter.
5 locations I'd like to run away to: SPAIN, CRETE, CYPRUS, MACHU PICCHU and CUBA.
5 bad habits I have:
- I often eat when you talk..... doesn't mean I am not listening.
- I compulsively buy TOO MANY handbags.
- My e-mail inefficiency. Expect a reply in at least a weeks time.
- I don't pick up calls.
- I complain my ass off about how I am soooo FAT and UGLY when the simple solution is to just go on a DIET.
5 things I like doing:
Sleep
Eat
Complain
Tan
Splurge
5 things I would never wear:
Hot Pants.... it is just, so, WRONG.
Condom
Lycra tights
Fluroscent boob tube
Single piece swimsuit
5 TV shows I like: MATCH OF THE DAY and FOOTBALLER'S WIVES 1,2,3 and 4
5 movies I like: Lovers of the Arctic Circle, Nights of Cabiria, Hotel Rwanda and two short films which I've acted in bad form.
5 famous people I'd like to meet:
OSAMA BIN LADEN- To tell him off for causing so much of inconvenience to my travel plans.
DAVID BISBAL- so that he can call me 'GUAPA'... he says that to ALL his fans anyway.
PEDRO ALMODOVAR- I want him to CAST me in his next film and thus end my career woes.
JOSE REYES- so that I can FAINT.
IKER CASILLAS- so that I can DIE.
5 biggest joys of the moment: my family, my dogs, my credit cards, my Ipod and panfried foie gras.
5 favorite toys: My 20yr old teddy hippo, my wireless laptop, my battered BMW, my figure skates and my summer fling. (okay.. not literally)
5 Victims to tag: Eyeris, Dann, Kris, Viviane and Pip
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Thursday, July 21, 2005
SCORCHED IN SIN CITY
Crooning on my STEREO: Careless Whisper by 2 PLAY
Bet no one missed me but here's a grand announcement:
I AM BACK
Fuck. I am ORANGE. LAS VEGAS WAS FRIGGING HOT.
HOT.
In a literal sense, the temperature was scorching above 100 degrees god knows fahrenheit. I didn't give a shit about UV index the first time I went there when I was, like, 13. Almost a decade later, after my gorgeous evolution into a TANOREXIC..... guess what?
I AM BURNT.
Burnt beyond RECOGNITION. Even my hair turned GINGER. It was all my own doing. PAH.
Now, in terms of metaphor, women are HOT in Vegas.
5 in every 10 women I saw had their boobs done.
FUCK. I felt like a walking frying pan. It was the first time I was tempted to stuff McD's beef patties into my bikini.
SAD, I KNOW.
No. I didn't get a boob job.
And No, I didn't do a BRITNEY.
Not that I was pissed enough at any point to PROPOSE to any unfortunate clubber. Bear in mind that this was an intended FAMILY HOLIDAY. Instead I had to make do partying with CELINE DION and DAVID COPPERFIELD. So FUNKY indeed.....
After 6 days of stretch limos, unlimited champagne, high rolling and private jets I headed to SAN FRANCISCO for the third time in 20 years.
Locked myself in the Alcatraz and thus blogging from there....
Bet no one missed me but here's a grand announcement:
I AM BACK
Fuck. I am ORANGE. LAS VEGAS WAS FRIGGING HOT.
HOT.
In a literal sense, the temperature was scorching above 100 degrees god knows fahrenheit. I didn't give a shit about UV index the first time I went there when I was, like, 13. Almost a decade later, after my gorgeous evolution into a TANOREXIC..... guess what?
I AM BURNT.
Burnt beyond RECOGNITION. Even my hair turned GINGER. It was all my own doing. PAH.
Now, in terms of metaphor, women are HOT in Vegas.
5 in every 10 women I saw had their boobs done.
FUCK. I felt like a walking frying pan. It was the first time I was tempted to stuff McD's beef patties into my bikini.
SAD, I KNOW.
No. I didn't get a boob job.
And No, I didn't do a BRITNEY.
Not that I was pissed enough at any point to PROPOSE to any unfortunate clubber. Bear in mind that this was an intended FAMILY HOLIDAY. Instead I had to make do partying with CELINE DION and DAVID COPPERFIELD. So FUNKY indeed.....
After 6 days of stretch limos, unlimited champagne, high rolling and private jets I headed to SAN FRANCISCO for the third time in 20 years.
Locked myself in the Alcatraz and thus blogging from there....
Friday, July 08, 2005
My Big Fat Highbury Adventure
Crooning on my STEREO: Une Femme Like U by K'MARO
Nothing beats going to a Highbury Tour DRUNK.
From experience, it was 3 in the afternoon, had some drinks with friends on an empty stomach and hopped onto the Tube ALONE to ARSENAL for a booked tour of the stadium.
ALONE. I repeat. ALONE. Because all my life I've been surrounded by herds of RED DEVIL GLORY HUNTERS.
PAIN IN THE ASS.
Anyway I wont stray from my story. I got onto the tube half pissed, got out of the tube half pissed (forgot a valid Zone 2 ticket) and climbed over the ticket gates. I was behaving like a total chav.
But for JOSE ANTONIO REYES, I was willing to lower my credibility.
With a flowery skirt and a pair of shades, I walked past local builders (they've always been my favourite- they are the only ones who'd shower me with undivided attention) who willingly showed me directions to the stadium eventhough I was blind enough(or too DRUNK) not to know that the mammoth grounds was RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE.
First of all, I was LATE. While others wore the home jersey, I was wearing designer wannabe stuff (come on, i just came from the bar!!!!!) I quickly made friends with a bunch of old chavs and pretty much hung out with them throughout the entire tour. Word then went around that I was the Moderator of the Unofficial Jose Reyes Fan Club and I became an instant celebrity.
(for those who don't know and SHOULD know: I am the infamous LYN REYES- not having watched a single home match)
The tour was comeprehensive, we were shown pretty much the stadium grounds. My personal favourite was the CHANGING ROOMS. Blolody small place, i can imagine 20 fully grown men crammed in there like sardines.
Oh, and naked as well.
I was literally making out with Jose Reyes' bench and hogging his worn jersey from other enthusiasts. (there werent many of them btw so I had it all to MYSELF....) . I was tempted to take photos of the toilet cubicle but was deterred from suspicious stares from the older chaps.... drunk weirdo.
We were shown footages of Arsenal' greatest goals BUT I was so pissed i was half-asleep in the first half (which documented 1930s successes..all I recalled was bad over-permed hair, size 6 shorts, skinny hairy legs and lycra jerseys.)
2hrs later, I was outta the stadium. Good bye Highbury, till we meet again someday.
----------------------------
NOTE TO CONCERNED FELLAS!!!! I am NOT in LONDON at the moment.. so I am pretty much ALIVE and UNHARMED......
Anyway, I will vanish for the next ten days or so... I'm jetting of to LAS VEGAS tommorrow to kick some ass at the VENETIAN... CIAO ALLLLLLLLLL
Nothing beats going to a Highbury Tour DRUNK.
From experience, it was 3 in the afternoon, had some drinks with friends on an empty stomach and hopped onto the Tube ALONE to ARSENAL for a booked tour of the stadium.
ALONE. I repeat. ALONE. Because all my life I've been surrounded by herds of RED DEVIL GLORY HUNTERS.
PAIN IN THE ASS.
Anyway I wont stray from my story. I got onto the tube half pissed, got out of the tube half pissed (forgot a valid Zone 2 ticket) and climbed over the ticket gates. I was behaving like a total chav.
But for JOSE ANTONIO REYES, I was willing to lower my credibility.
With a flowery skirt and a pair of shades, I walked past local builders (they've always been my favourite- they are the only ones who'd shower me with undivided attention) who willingly showed me directions to the stadium eventhough I was blind enough(or too DRUNK) not to know that the mammoth grounds was RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE.
First of all, I was LATE. While others wore the home jersey, I was wearing designer wannabe stuff (come on, i just came from the bar!!!!!) I quickly made friends with a bunch of old chavs and pretty much hung out with them throughout the entire tour. Word then went around that I was the Moderator of the Unofficial Jose Reyes Fan Club and I became an instant celebrity.
(for those who don't know and SHOULD know: I am the infamous LYN REYES- not having watched a single home match)
The tour was comeprehensive, we were shown pretty much the stadium grounds. My personal favourite was the CHANGING ROOMS. Blolody small place, i can imagine 20 fully grown men crammed in there like sardines.
Oh, and naked as well.
I was literally making out with Jose Reyes' bench and hogging his worn jersey from other enthusiasts. (there werent many of them btw so I had it all to MYSELF....) . I was tempted to take photos of the toilet cubicle but was deterred from suspicious stares from the older chaps.... drunk weirdo.
We were shown footages of Arsenal' greatest goals BUT I was so pissed i was half-asleep in the first half (which documented 1930s successes..all I recalled was bad over-permed hair, size 6 shorts, skinny hairy legs and lycra jerseys.)
2hrs later, I was outta the stadium. Good bye Highbury, till we meet again someday.
----------------------------
NOTE TO CONCERNED FELLAS!!!! I am NOT in LONDON at the moment.. so I am pretty much ALIVE and UNHARMED......
Anyway, I will vanish for the next ten days or so... I'm jetting of to LAS VEGAS tommorrow to kick some ass at the VENETIAN... CIAO ALLLLLLLLLL
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
On the 6th Day of July....
Crooning on my STEREO: Nada Valgo Sin Tu Amor by JUANES
Yeah, I decided to be shit BORING and SENTIMENTAL today. Here are some highlights to reflect 21st year of my existence on this planet....
- I got my hands on an IPOD which became my fulltime COMPANION. We are INSEPARABLE. We're in LOVE.
- Discovered that I am a FIRST CLASS STUDENT. God, I should RULE the world.
- I have single handedly learnt to cope with an unexpected death. Although it left an eternal scar inside me, it has awaken me to do EXTRAORDINARY THINGS. Don't say that I didn't WARN you.
- Obssessively Worked on FOUR films and TWO PHOTOGRAPHY projects within FOUR Months believing that I might win an OSCAR within that brief period.
- EXPOSED my imperfections to the entire nation for a good cause. (And lost a couple of embarassed 'friends' as a result. You FUCKING CUNTS !@#$%!)
- Realised that REYES is a FOOL. His INTELLIGENCE doesn't match up to MINE... such a waste.
- Took a chance and met a man who taught me PASSION.
- Sat on ARSENE WENGER'S chair and attempted to make out with it.
- Discovered proper LIP GLOSS which does not transform me into a jester.
- Lusted over an ancient SCULPTURE.
- Decided to dedicate myself to RESCUE ABUSED and HOMELESS DOGS at some point of my life.
- Resorted to the fact that I will end up as a SPINSTER after I return to Malaysia for good. (whether I like it or not)
- Accepted the PAINFUL truth: I CANNOT SING!!
---------------------------------
An explanation for my sudden absence: I'm currently home for summer!!!
And I am mean a REAL summer!!!
Yeah, I decided to be shit BORING and SENTIMENTAL today. Here are some highlights to reflect 21st year of my existence on this planet....
- I got my hands on an IPOD which became my fulltime COMPANION. We are INSEPARABLE. We're in LOVE.
- Discovered that I am a FIRST CLASS STUDENT. God, I should RULE the world.
- I have single handedly learnt to cope with an unexpected death. Although it left an eternal scar inside me, it has awaken me to do EXTRAORDINARY THINGS. Don't say that I didn't WARN you.
- Obssessively Worked on FOUR films and TWO PHOTOGRAPHY projects within FOUR Months believing that I might win an OSCAR within that brief period.
- EXPOSED my imperfections to the entire nation for a good cause. (And lost a couple of embarassed 'friends' as a result. You FUCKING CUNTS !@#$%!)
- Realised that REYES is a FOOL. His INTELLIGENCE doesn't match up to MINE... such a waste.
- Took a chance and met a man who taught me PASSION.
- Sat on ARSENE WENGER'S chair and attempted to make out with it.
- Discovered proper LIP GLOSS which does not transform me into a jester.
- Lusted over an ancient SCULPTURE.
- Decided to dedicate myself to RESCUE ABUSED and HOMELESS DOGS at some point of my life.
- Resorted to the fact that I will end up as a SPINSTER after I return to Malaysia for good. (whether I like it or not)
- Accepted the PAINFUL truth: I CANNOT SING!!
---------------------------------
An explanation for my sudden absence: I'm currently home for summer!!!
And I am mean a REAL summer!!!
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