Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Family Relatives

Crooning on my STEREO: Somewhere Only We Know by KEANE

I will be flying home in approximately 10 days time hampered by mixed feelings; the excitement of spending Xmas with the world's only worthy people (my immediate family) as well as the absolute dread of leaving my LOVE, London.

Oh, hold on, not to mention the highly anticipating festive encounters with RELATIVES. Oh yeah, sincerely CARING and LOVING AUNTS and UNCLES. They flood my family with LOVE.


That is BULLSHIT. Absolute CRAP. Let me explain the various species of relatives there are in my massive family of 'pain in the asses' .....

1) Oscar-Relatives: These relatives pretend to CARE. For example, if you GRADUATE with a good honours, they PRETEND to be HAPPY for you. Behind your back, they say you BRIBED the examiner.
(or rather, they say you NEVER graduated......)

2) Leach-Relatives: These relatives only contact you when there is a free Xmas dinner hosted by your family in the horizon. If not, they DONT GIVE A SHIT.

3) Tabloid-Relatives: These blood relations will DIG out your personal affairs and play the role as your CONFIDANTE. In actual truth, they don't give a damn and all they just want to know is what dirty shit you are up to.

4) Olympics-Relatives: This is RIVALRY, an inbred quality in most families. They just want to COMPARE their children's achievements to yours. Whenever they are on the losing end, these shallow parents LIE, on their kids behalf, so that they will always seem TRIUMPHANT. (Example: Who's got higher grades, who's thinner, who's got a better job.. etc)

5) Saint Mediator-Relatives: They are NOT saints. They are VENOMOUS. They will only show concern when you are on your DOWNFALL. The concern is a mere ACT. In their hearts, they celebrate knowing that you're DOOMED.


So what's this shit about BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER?

BEWARE
The only people to trust is your IMMEDIATE/NUCLEAR FAMILY

NOT your AUNTS & UNCLES


p.s: You can also categorise your aunt/uncle/cousin pests with several terminologies in my blog published months ago HERE

7 comments:

Lila said...

Hey... that's my family right there. And that's the nuclear ones. Most of the ones I know of are of the Tabloid type, which sucks.

Yng Lyn said...

Hey Lila,
yeah, tabloid ones sux.... I'm quite lucky that my nucleus family are the only sane ones. Most of my aunt/uncles aka my parents' brothers and sisters, are downright screwed up.

Seng Boon said...

hey 'cousin'

you forgot to add Stolen family e.g well-intentioned aunts and uncle whom you shamelessly seduced and stole from innocent nephews, said aunty and uncle now lavishing you with all the love, care and attention that is rightfully mine! :P

Z

Yng Lyn said...

Yo 'Cuz'..
looks like this is the NEPHEW's fault, innit?? Anyway, 'stolen families' are still legitimate if both parties AGREE to it...... ladadidadadidada

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