Sunday, December 05, 2004

St. John the Baptist

Crooning on my STEREO: Moi...Lolita by ALIZEE

A hell lot of you have questioned me what I've learnt in three years of Art History. To reflect my intellect, I have attached an academic 1st Class analysis of the above painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.

"I think the subject matter is sexy. His sultry eyes are friggin' tantalising, more inviting than Jose Antonio Reyes. And look at those chubby arms, it has the ability to suffocate and excrutiate. Check out that grin, oooh la la!! He uses Neutrogena lip balm, right?? Therefore, Leonardo is DA MAN ahead of his time. Come on, who would've thought of using lip balm 500 years ago?

The HAIR! So beautifully and perfectly permed. Toni & Guy could never have done it this way. The curls are the epitome of those spiral pasta, was it fussili ?? One can conclude that national identity are engraved in those perfect curls......PASTA ITALIA !!!!!!!

Leonardo has done an excellent job on giving his subject the PERFECT MEDITERRANEAN TAN. I am envious (beyond belief) of that glowing skin that only St. Tropez can offer. So SUBLIME. Imagine this: You go on a beach holiday and you see a lifeguard who looks like this....... move aside, BAYWATCH!!!

Why didn't Leonardo give Mona Lisa that shimmering summer Tan?? Coz Italian men 500 years ago were attracted to lifeless women who dont sunbathe. Look at Mona Lisa. She looks too green. Yet men in the past find her sexy and beat the hell out of each other just to win her heart. Today, if you are as bronze as Beyonce, men fight wars over you.

Phwoarrr... check out that rapper look. The Renaissance Italian 'BLING'. You know why? Cuz' of that leopard skin which he wraps himself with. Check out any random P. Diddy music vid and you're bound to spot a couple of loaded pimps wearing leopard skin. And the finger, YO YO YO! A symbol of expression. In the case of sexy John, its YO YO YO, whazzzzupppp to HEAVEN. Vice Versa to P.Diddy, its YO YO YO, whazzzzuppp to HEAVEN too!!!!

I am too lazy to conclude. You should get what I mean by now. This painting is cool. This painting rocks. And it looks good on your living room wall. Think about it, how cool is it to walk about with a crucifix? I think it is going to be a summer trend. Leonardo is a genius.'

Note: I received a distinction for this visual analysis. Don't think of the material connotations as blasphemic, because the artwork has been argued as both religious and secular, since no one really knows what the subject is. The lucrative model could be St John the Baptist, Bacchus the wine baron or even Leonardo Da Vinci himself in a narcissistic mood.

And I don't believe in any of DAN BROWN'S conspiracy theories.


Anonymous said...

I see that all those lectures with Gaby have had some sort of influence then!


Yng Lyn said...

Innit, LanDAn.... pity you chose Nick sexy Alfrey over Gaby.... look how much I've learnt!
d;ya know what I mean????

mere scribbler said...

you're in ha-ha funny.


Anonymous said...

I took an art history course 2 years ago, I would have never thought it could be that funny or interesting.
In addition, I would never go into war for a woman like beyonce.
if it involves making mi amorcito happy, then I will take my gun to the shores shores of okinawa.

chau, amorcito

Yng Lyn said...

Scribbler: Cheers! haha!! ;)

Mi Cariño: ¡como dulce! eres mas mejor hombre del mundo.. gracias por su amor..¡tu sonrisa es mi vida! y estrella tambien.. muchos abrazos y besos xx

Anonymous said...

it's a man???oh first sight i almost passed
him off as mona lisa's sister:)

Yng Lyn said...

Man... whats this thing about Mona Lisa's sister!?!? You're the second person to tell me that!
hahah, nevertheless its a good observation, muahahahah.....

Simple American said...

I'm concerned where he stuck that finger!!!

Senorita, will you please come smell and tell me wat you tink?

Maybe he stuck it up Dan Brown's arse???

Leonardo da Vinci said...

Well done on a nice blog Yng Lyn. I was searching for information on Leonardo da Vinci Mona Lisa and came across your post St. John the Baptist - not quite what I was looking for related to Leonardo da Vinci Mona Lisa but very interesting all the same!

Well we're already into 2006 and I wish you all the best. I'm doing a lot of original work on Leonardo, including looking in detail at the technical drawings of machines and human anatomy. We're also publishing a detailed analysis of the Last Supper and Annunciation, which should be quite interesting.

If you do have a moment, please take a look at our latest galery on: Leonardo da Vinci .

Wishing you well in the new year! Amon

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