I am glad that 2007 is almost out of the way. It's been a terrible year, but of course it is also obligatory to admit that things could have been worse. So I should be grateful, and I must deceive myself into thinking 'OH MY GOD WHAT A WONDERFUL YEAR' when in actual fact I have been crying for almost every night since January 1st 2007 till 22nd December 2007.
You know, that "wonderful" exclamation is just, so, fake.
Friends came and went. Which never bothered me because I've learnt that either some people are born a certain way or I somehow instigate the evil in them. I don't know which is worse. I meet good and bad people every year. But I've also met good people who have turned bad, which is rather fascinating to watch.
Nicole Richie made one wise comment, something that went along the lines of 'deleting' friends who piss you off. Consequently I took heed and offloaded potential tumours off my bandwagon. At the end of the day the ones who stay are those who do not intrude, but cared from a distance. Hence these are the people who remain in my phonebook.
Then there's love. This year I've learnt so much about love. I fell in love for the first time.
I've learnt a painful lesson on how pointing a gun will never make a man love you. You know, I am one of those girls who get bouts of rejection from one man to another. I have a boyfriend who doesn't quite want me as his girlfriend. He doesn't even know if he loves me. So how do I deal with this?
You are right. Proud girls tell me that I have no dignity. It is easy for them to say. If only you lot would have a single inkling of how bad it is to drag a corpse a few times around a block. Well I had a choice, I could leave it behind to decay naturally. But low self esteem girls like me would rummage through whats left and hope against hope that something beautiful will grow out of it. It's a fairy tale notion but when you have nowhere to run to, this is all you've got to hope.
There is always home. Amidst the emotional trauma I experienced this year, I will always be thankful that there's dinner on my table and a roof over my head. Its a bit like a version of The Ugly Duckling, after the poor duck has faced several hurtful discriminations over his apperance (difference as ugliness rather).. it eventually found happiness when he reunites with his mother and his siblings. It wont be long till he grows into a beautiful swan.
This is not about self pity. You must remember that there could always be some love in the midst of adversities.
My friends, as 2007 draws to a close, here's to extend my very best wishes to every one of you:
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A BLESSED NEW YEAR
2008 will be better. I will leave for Japan in a few hours time, and I want to come back a happier person.