Saturday, April 07, 2007

Generic Girl Talk

Crooning on my STEREO: Kiss Me by CANARY

I am back from slogging in Bangkok. A friend and I were discussing the touchy issue of toxic friends and we compared notes on some generic whining sessions that we had to endure from girlfriends.

Of course, girl emo sessions can be forgiven as mere PMS attacks.

But when it becomes a HABIT, boy, we have to jump the bridge.

Read on and tell me if this sounds familiar to you:-


Girl: I am so depressed.

Me: Why?

Girl: I am so ugly.

Me: But you are fine. Why do you say this?
Me thinks: I hate to sing unnecessary praises at unnecessary times. But when you have a sobbing friend on the other line, this should be the most appropriate thing to say to stop her from downing Baygon.

Girl: Nobody likes me.....

Me: Oh no no... dont say that...
Me thinks: I have just been insulted.
Translate: SHE IS SAYING THAT YOU DONT LOVE HER. SHE IS TELLING YOU THAT THE WORLD, including your baby brother, IS PLOTTING EVIL AGAINST HER.
To put this into perspective, why does a sobbing fool have to call you if she knows that you wont give two hoots about her sorrows?


Girl: You know, no boys will ever like me. Because I am UGLY. Nobody ever looks at me. I will never have a boyfriend ...etc etc...

Me: Thats not true... you will never die a spinster.
Me thinks: Lord help me. Why do you chicks delude yourselves into thinking that life is all about finding a dude?

Girl: I don't know why boys do not like me...

Me: Ermmmmm
Me thinks: Well, you know the answer. You just said that YOU ARE UGLY;

Girl: I mean, you will never understand.... you have a guy and all. And I have nobody....

Me: Yeah, of course I know that I am fortunate.
Me thinks: Of course I don't understand you. If a shitfaced bitch like me has done good for myself, any specie without a dick can do the same. Woman, stop whining and just put in some effort.

Girl: But the guys here are useless. They will never appreciate me...

Me: Maybe it is in their culture... some sort of trend going for anorexic pan-asian chicks...
Me thinks: No matter how hideous you are, it is highly easy to get a caucasian fling if you are not choosy. You know those balding men at Beach club? Or head to an obscure town in Greece and the local boys will drool over your exotic-ness.

Malaysian dudes aren't so bad. Yes, there is the shallow bastardy 70% lot. But there is also the humble lot. Give them a chance. The ones who avoid you are the ones who probably sensed your desperation. They are not stupid, y'know.


Girl: Sigh.. I don't know anymore...

Me: Just rest and you will be okay.
Me thinks: You have nothing more to whine about. So shut up. And this will give me a break from being overly condescending.


THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

STOP COMPLAINING. BE THANKFUL THAT YOU ARE NOT DEFORMED.


Jeez.

28 comments:

Mirebella said...

Hear hear.

Altho - I've been guilty of whinging sometimes...but not ALL the time tho.

The Beach Club pick up thing is so oh right tho... ;-)

car@kitty said...

roflol!!

girl, i just finished watch the formula 1 at your place!! yay for fernando!!! yay for mcglaren!!! yay for HAMILTON!!! he is a crack!! :-P

love uuu! gg to work now muacks muacks!!!

sicko said...

did u stalk hamilton or not? :D

Simple American said...

"Me thinks: No matter how hideous you are, it is highly easy to get a caucasian fling if you are not choosy. You know those balding men at Beach club? Or head to an obscure town in Greece and the local boys will drool over your exotic-ness."

Ouch. *peeks at the missus* *scratches head* *snif snif*

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Kunstemæcker said...

mirebella pucker up! ;-)

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Rt Hon Sir Cipan Nougat-Tenuk said...

ynglyn,

Plenty of whiny guys as well ... hey, why don't we set up a speed-dating scam for them ... hehehe

*thinking of MAS footie specials ...

Azman said...

Thank you for acknowledging the existence of the 30% misfortuned men who had to share a bad name with the other 70% hamsaps.

julia73 said...

hi lyn, no time no hear from you. i c that u have been busy, huh! wonder if u know that all the tour thread went poof on 4th April and all the reports and pics went into a cyber black hole. Some pics and reports have been re-posted but it would never be the same. wonder if u could re-post some pics or if u would allow us to post your pics on your behalf. I c in your blog pics of the guys at the end of Somewhere - very special to me as the giftbags i gave them are in the frame ... lol ... can u please re-post them? We're having a get-together on 22nd April hope u can come too.

SeXy TuRtLe said...

Hi Lyn!

Just dropping by.. Great blog you have there!

lilyliverbird said...

emo friends are tiring

yeekchia said...

i like ur blog..it reflects the true identity of urs. ur thoughts are clearly defines in words.

actually, i linked ur blog to mine... cos i like reading urs..

Thanks for the sharing.