Monday, March 13, 2006

HAIL THE QUEEN


Crooning on my STEREO:
She Wants to Move by N.E.R.D

Today I am going to bitch about my friend's aunt

A dumbass journalist was raving about a particular Malaysian woman who made it into Tom Ford's fancy portfolio of dumbass actresses in March's edition of Vanity Fair. The entire nation should kiss her feet for putting our insignificant nation onto the tinseltown map.

Our dear journalist goes on to glorify her painstakingly painful steps to stardom:

"....... how she gave up her dream of being a ballerina after an injury, was crowned Miss Malaysia and then married and divorced Hong Kong billionaire Dickson Poon before her career really took off..."

Oh wow. How tearjerking. I wanna CRY. I am SO SORRY that she fucked up her dreams of becoming a twinkle-toe ballerina. (A few years later we even saw her overcame all odds by managing high-action splits as a Bond Girl. Sure, the injury is permanent. )

It is so highly fucking inspiring how she rose mightily from the depths of all catastrophes to becoming the MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN MALAYSIA by winning the most bimbotic pageant ever held on Planet Earth. For social security purposes, she is going to marry the father of all toads JEAN TODT. I am so in awe of her consideration to marry an amphibian.

Tough life, isn't it? So much of BLOOD, SWEAT and TEARS. Even Ang Lee's impoverished trade with his blood just to buy his first betacam camera can't beat our heroine's courageous strive for success.

Read this again:

.... MARRIED AND DIVORCED HONG KONG BILLIONAIRE DICKSON POON BEFORE HER CAREER REALLY TOOK OFF....

Wow. Amazing.

HELLO??!?!!? SHE MARRIED SUCCESS.


Don't be STUPID. Don't be RIDICULOUSLY STUPID.

"We all hope to see bigger things from our Hollywood Star...."
Shut up, you dumb ass.

17 comments:

Kunstemæcker said...

I'm afraid to comment.

Simple American said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Simple American said...

I've always wanted to do a rich bastard's wife. Even if she is an ex. Oh well never mind me.

Leaving ya hug. Love the education. I did not know any of her background.

socialpest said...

Ditto Kracker.

Jane said...

:-)
I'm full....just had big lunch today..
now it's time to have a siesta...
Eh? nothing about your post???
:-)
Never mind...I'm really full and happy!!
Hugs for you...my dear

sic6sense said...

Malaysia Boleh?! :P

Yng Lyn said...

kracker: ermm.. you didn't get the gist of the story!

kor kor: no worries, her name is Michelle Yeoh. The mother of all shallow geishas.

socialpest: its okay!

jane: hahah what did ya eat???

sicsense: memang BOLEH.... BOLEH... BOLEHHHHH

Jane said...

Oh! what did I have? must be rice with dried yellow curry...and fried minced pork :D
yummy!!

Simple American said...

I know who she is. I just never looked up more than her pictures. Bad kor kor.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone noticed that this kick-ass mother of all Geisha is prettier now than during her earlier movies 10 years ago.

Butchieboy said...

Dickson Poon has got to be the best name ever.

lilyliverbird said...

She married a Dick and became Malaysia's most beautiful woman.

Lyn, you should marry a JOHN and become world's beautiful woman!

Seriously though, she looked so washed out in Geisha. Gong Li's much prettier. So is Joan Chen and Ming Na Yen.

stephanie said...

Ah yes..memoirs. I was wondering how come *SHE* was Mameha when Gong Li shuda been, coz technically Mameha's character is meant to be the absolute divine goddess..though, Gong Li also fitted perfectly as the sultry erm seducer Hat-watchamacallit-momo, which i dun think *SHE* cuda pulled it off as well as Gong Li did :p

crazycat said...

i really like the way u bitch about people...

way to go

:)

Yng Lyn said...

oh no... the mother is of all awful geishas is in town.....
I so agreee that Gong Li is a 10000000x prettier than her. and certainly more elegant!

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