St. John the Baptist

Crooning on my STEREO: Moi...Lolita by ALIZEE


A hell lot of you have questioned me what I've learnt in three years of Art History. To reflect my intellect, I have attached an academic 1st Class analysis of the above painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.

"I think the subject matter is sexy. His sultry eyes are friggin' tantalising, more inviting than Jose Antonio Reyes. And look at those chubby arms, it has the ability to suffocate and excrutiate. Check out that grin, oooh la la!! He uses Neutrogena lip balm, right?? Therefore, Leonardo is DA MAN ahead of his time. Come on, who would've thought of using lip balm 500 years ago?

The HAIR! So beautifully and perfectly permed. Toni & Guy could never have done it this way. The curls are the epitome of those spiral pasta, was it fussili ?? One can conclude that national identity are engraved in those perfect curls......PASTA ITALIA !!!!!!!

Leonardo has done an excellent job on giving his subject the PERFECT MEDITERRANEAN TAN. I am envious (beyond belief) of that glowing skin that only St. Tropez can offer. So SUBLIME. Imagine this: You go on a beach holiday and you see a lifeguard who looks like this....... move aside, BAYWATCH!!!

Why didn't Leonardo give Mona Lisa that shimmering summer Tan?? Coz Italian men 500 years ago were attracted to lifeless women who dont sunbathe. Look at Mona Lisa. She looks too green. Yet men in the past find her sexy and beat the hell out of each other just to win her heart. Today, if you are as bronze as Beyonce, men fight wars over you.

Phwoarrr... check out that rapper look. The Renaissance Italian 'BLING'. You know why? Cuz' of that leopard skin which he wraps himself with. Check out any random P. Diddy music vid and you're bound to spot a couple of loaded pimps wearing leopard skin. And the finger, YO YO YO! A symbol of expression. In the case of sexy John, its YO YO YO, whazzzzupppp to HEAVEN. Vice Versa to P.Diddy, its YO YO YO, whazzzzuppp to HEAVEN too!!!!

I am too lazy to conclude. You should get what I mean by now. This painting is cool. This painting rocks. And it looks good on your living room wall. Think about it, how cool is it to walk about with a crucifix? I think it is going to be a summer trend. Leonardo is a genius.'

Note: I received a distinction for this visual analysis. Don't think of the material connotations as blasphemic, because the artwork has been argued as both religious and secular, since no one really knows what the subject is. The lucrative model could be St John the Baptist, Bacchus the wine baron or even Leonardo Da Vinci himself in a narcissistic mood.

And I don't believe in any of DAN BROWN'S conspiracy theories.

The Unresolved VAN Mystery

Crooning on my STEREO: PARA LLENARME DE TI by RAMON

Today I received a phonecall which spells the return of my zest for life. And of course, when I am in brilliant mood I can't help but to PICK on SOMETHING. (or SOMEONE at the very least)

This blog examines the VAN mystery. Girls SWOON over this hunk. Female 'soccer' fans WORSHIP his SEX APPEAL.

No, we are NOT talking about KAKA. You wish!


FIRSTLY, this man does not TALK. He ROARS.
ROARS so much you'd assume he's got bio/animal genetics.


Eh??? I thought I saw this lardy truck driver at Hog's Head last week.
Nice townie Nike classic gym outfit.
Sipping on orange juice makes him so MACHO.


How paedophillic. Trying ooze his sex appeal on innocent young children.
I see MICHAEL JACKSON ......


Travelling First Class in this classy outfit.
Come on girls, go SWOON over your SEXY man.


I am really sorry, but i am getting very bad vibes from this picture.
Leave it to your imagination: 'There's something about Mary.....'


If you cant get enough of ONE, there are always TWO.

Can someone solve this biological equation,
MONKEY+ DONKEY/MOOSE/HORSE = ?

Lyn's 10 DRUNK COMMANDMENTS

Crooning on my STEREO: FRIJOLERO by
MOLOTOV

Christmas is in the air and term is coming to an end, and much too many people have the inhumane intention of getting me pissed.... how unfortunate.
Since there is absolutely no way I can guarantee that my alcohol resistance maintains its peak 24/7, this blog is dedicated to the evil minds out there,

COMMANDMENTS
When Lyn is pissed,
1) Thou shalt not talk to her
2) Thou shalt not touch her
3) Thou shalt not go near her
4) Thou shalt not feed her more shots
5) Thou shalt not walk her home
6) Thou shall LISTEN to her
7) Thou shall pay for her taxi fare
8) Thou shalt not take photographs
9) Thou shalt not pretend to be her boyfriend
10) Thou MUST NOT follow her home!!!!!! If she finds you in her flat she will MUTILATE you!!!!!

If any of these commandments are VIOLATED... don't expect to hear from me for the REST OF YOUR LIVES!!!
(yes, Lyn DOES GET SERIOUS!!! Really!!!!!!)

New Discoveries.

Crooning on my STEREO: Sobri by LESLIE

1) After an intense session in the pub, the entire course professed their true ages...by far, I am the youngest student in my MA!! But certainly not the brightest.

2) I have been told that the passport photo I usually use for my CV puts employment agencies off.

3) I caught up with a really cool long lost high school friend. This was what he recalled,,,
"...I still remember you as the cute Year 10 girl with the short skirt, coloured shoes and long-sleeved, black cotton sweater. It seemed to be YOUR uniform."
Shit, was this true? Pls. confirm.

4) I am probably the only postgraduate who bothered to vote in Junior Eurovision.

5) I saw a Guns N Roses tribute show on telly just now. Shit, I still miss Axl Rose's lycra tights.

6) Okay, I bought two seasons of Footballer's Wives. I CONFESS!

7) Another confession, I bought Britney's My Perrogative album. Don't rub it in!!!!

8) I have developed an unconcious habit of dancing in the Tube, courtesy of my Mp3 player.

9) I am no longer good in Daytona. I lost to a 'Landan' in Trocadero last weekend!! "INNIT"

10) Seeing Reyes remove his shirt on national television still makes my heart skip a beat.
I really don't know why!!!

Why Fashion and Football cannot mix.

Today I received the latest Arsenal catalogue in my pigeonhole.

Here we have Robert Pires trying to sell you a bomber jacket for forty two quid.
Firstly, the bomber jacket looks like a bin liner. Secondly, WE, as consumers, are 'supposedly' lured by this greasy Bollywood actor who somewhat reminds us of that fake designer conman lurking in the backlanes of Camden Town. RING A BELL??


Oh dear, whats with this sickly enthusiasm? Is this some sort of chemotherapy costume?
Gone were those triumphant days of Freddie's 'come sleep with me' Calvin Klein G-string campaign. COME BUY THIS UNWASHED STALE PYJAMAS FOR ONLY 20 quid.


I am not sure what he is trying to sell here... Colgate? Sunshine Health campaign? Or a secondhand Arsenal training jumper dating back to 1886? Whatever it is, the whole package costs a whopping 32quid.


This jumper squeezes your internal organs to flatter your body figure. And those JEANS....I have the SAME pair but in a much larger size! ARE MEN GETTING SMALLER OR WHAT?!???


Boxers! Three sexy colours (especially the tartan one) guaranteed to charm your women to DEATH. ALL YOURS FOR ONLY 10 QUID


This is the saving grace. BESTSELLER OF THE SEASON, but only limited to ONE lucky customer. Price on application.
But, then again, I am not too sure about those urchin green trousers....

Sorry, while stock lasts.....

Haagen Dazs

Patricia Franchini: It's sad to fall asleep. It separates people. Even when you're sleeping together, you're all alone.
- Jean-Luc Godard's A Bout De Souffle (1959)

Watched Godard's 'Breathless' two weeks ago, I noticed the above quote. Quite true, I think. You dream alone.
Yesterday, I have coloured my hair. I've given myself a Francoise Hardy hairstyle. Had a facial masque, did a pedicure, gotten rid of the bronzer. Had a bubble bath. Watched an evening's worth of X-Factor and realised how much I am in love with Simon Cowell's wit.

Also, I have stopped crying.

I think i might have woken up from the nightmare. I've stopped whingeing at God's injustice. Surely, my Sammy rainbow would rather see me promise food for his afterlife than to revel at my unproductive drowning-pillows-with-tears session.

I told myself, I will be fine.

I identified with my long lost humour after an attempt at kidnapping two ice-cream boys from Leicester Square's Haagen Dazs. My cousin and I scouted a smiling French bunny at the door clutching a stack of menus (think: Gollum's ''my precioussss'') close to his heart. Just a few feet from us was Colin Firth walking down the Red Carpet. Between the two, we chose to kidnap the French bunny for obvious security reasons.
Today, French bunny had another bunny colleague with him scooping ice cream at Haagen Dazs. So I bought a quid worth of Earl Grey just to investigate this new bunny. New bunny is French bunny's countrymate, in fact, I suspect they are brothers.

No, I have not made the kidnap attempt. Althought I have frequented the place so often with a lot of nasty plans in mind. Remember, bunnies work there every Mondays,Tuesdays and Sundays. Feel free to join me.

The Chinese believe, after the death of a loved one, it is important to have a taste of sweetness after mourning.

I guess Haagen Dazs did it for me.

Rainbows

What do you do when you have lost a colour of your rainbow?
It feels, surreal, you know.
It feels, like, you could never wake up again.
And you don't know what to do.
Even a week later,

You really dont.

My perfect life was embraced by seven colours.
Seven colours; one for divinity.
Five colours for the five beautiful souls whom I eternally love with all my heart.
And one hopeful colour for the stranger who has yet to walk into my life.

On the 6th of November, my rainbow did not seem right.
A colour has faded away.
Much too early.

I thought, I will be home for Christmas, and we will have fun together.
I thought, maybe, he will meet my boyfriend one day.
And i thought, when I am home for good,
We could grow old together.

But on the 6th of December
He never came home.

I don't know where he is.
And I was, and still am, afraid to pray.
He never woke.

I wished I told him how much I loved him.
I wish, that someone will tell me, if I can ever see him again.

If God ever hears my prayers, I will only ask of Him that
He will keep my Sam under His safe wings.

If this was a punishment from vengeful destiny,
then there are many others out there who are left unpunished.

If this was the result of karma,
then our fates are ruled by a blind and infantile force.

If either of this is true,
I will not allow the juvenile nature of Life to destroy me.

And with every courage, I pray that,
after the rain,

My rainbow will look just as beautiful as it did before.