FACT vs MYTH

Home sweet home, indeed! On the 21st year of my life I made a stringent resolution to meet up with long lost pals etc.... so far so good! The comic relief lies in the outrageous rumours which have gone around and, coincidentially, reached my ears thanks to some undercover mates! Anyhow, I, the celebrity, am here to clarify the truth behind those rumours.... 

Myth #1: 'Lyn received an offer for Masters because there is simply no one else applying for a place in Film Studies, so one student is better than none,' said a Parisian Slut to her mother.
FALSE
This uneducated claim was made by a jealous barbie who had to fake her graduation and had to whore her way up the corporate ladder.
And I am sure a university would pusposefully run an entire department with 6 lecutrers solely for ONE student.  
Truth is, I was fighting with 300 other applicants for 15 places for MA. 

(To the slut: Silencio por favor, por que tu es una PUTA grande.)  

Myth #2: ' Lyn will only date Spaniards,' said an Asianphile  
FALSE
Firstly, this is purely the case of the kettle calling the pot black.
Secondly, if i was that desperate i would have dated every single Spaniard i know.,, the aerobics teacher, the waiter, the lengua instructor, the salsa boy etc.

 Myth #3: 'Lyn used to be so damn hardworking and intelligent back in high school,' said a long lost schoolmate.
FALSE
This is the joke of the century. I barely passed my GCSEs and almost had an 'E' for Maths. Mr Rob said that I was 'slow'. I spent more time chewing gum in class than listening to crap expat teachers.

Myth #4: 'Lyn is married, because her status on Friendster said so.'
FALSE
Yeah, I am married at 21 with 3 kids. My husband is Jose Antonio Reyes.

Myth #5: 'Lyn is in an acting school in London.'
HALF- FALSE
2 years ago, I was contemplating Guildhall for a BA in acting. But if you have seen me doing The Crucible at Actor's Studio box you would conclude that there is absolutely no future in me.

Myth #6: 'Lyn is a party thug.'
FALSE
I don't drink alcohol cos it makes you fat. I don't sleaze dance with random men. I only go out twice a week.  And I don't look like a thug.

Myth #7: 'Lyn is dating x,y, and z.'
FALSE
I was single through 1 year of pre-uni, 3 years of university and I shall continue stretching the record of going through masters in solitude. You see, being unattractive is rather,..... pain inducing...... 

Myth #8: 'Lyn is sooooo fat now!!.'
TRUE
Obesity is the result of happiness.

Myth #9: 'Lyn is really nice!'
HALF-FALSE
I can only count on two hands the number of people whom I am genuinely nice to.
Ever heard of wolf in sheep's clothing?