Note: The remains of the great philosopher Jeremy Bentham is exhibited in the Hall of the Main University College London Quad. His waxed figure (complete with his skeleton beneath the preserved exterior) is on display in a giant coffin sized cupboard...but as freaky as it may sound, he turned out to be rather friendly.
8:10pm: I took a route through the Bentham hall simply because there was no other way out of the university building which shortcuts to my flat. My coursemates all took a different route because they lived in a different area. OK. I was alone. And my footsteps echoed through the hall. Jeremy Bentham was on my right.
Bentham: Hello, young lady.
Me: Errrmmmm..... hello??
Bentham: Why do you look so..... perplexed?
Me: Cos YOU are speaking to me. I could have screamed, y'know...
Bentham: You could have asked for my autograph.
Me:(Almost pissing in my pants) True....... can I go now?
Bentham: No, pray, tell me, why are you unhappy? The Boy?
Me: (relieved that someone actually wanted to listen to my miseries) God, yeah. He didn't run after me. He went off with her. You saw it, didn't you?
Bentham: I don't have a good view of their whereabouts from here. But I suppose I see them going to library together sometimes.
Me: Tell me, Jeremy... I am so sick of falling in love at the wrong times... why does fate deprive me of the only thing that will make me smile away from home?
Bentham: Simply because you are blessed with many things others could only dream of.
Me: Like what? An I POD?
Bentham: Maybe. I saw a chap who walked past me listening to one earlier on.
(Pauses) ( Dread creeps into my nerves....I sense an upcoming lecture......)
Bentham: Tell me, who has travelled around the world? Who has seen paradise on the peaks of St. Moritz? Who has successfully written a dissertation without consulting credible sources? Who has her own London apartment? Who has a perfect family who provides and loves her unconditionally? Who has the guts to get herself tattooed and pierced alone without bringing a school of chaperons? Who has met Formula 1 drivers? Who has seen Real Madrid play? Who has acted on national stage? Who has figure skated? Who has sprinted? Who has watched the films of Julio Medem and found her alter ego in his characters? Who aspires to go to Latin America to seek the holy grail? Who has just bought a pair of 30quid jeans from River Island today? Who has wished upon the stars of Orion and had her wish came true? Who possesses the unparalleled compassion for stray dogs? Who is happily doing her MA? Who has intervened several of her friends' attempted suicides? Who empathised with Giuletta Massoni in the Nights of Carbiria? Which student uses Wedgewood plates for Pot Noodles? Who.....
Me: (Interrupts) Damn, you do know a lot..
Bentham:Therefore, I am Jeremy Bentham.
Me: You deserve your credit. Thanks... really, you're right. I should not complain. But still....
Bentham: Listen to the New Radicals, 'Someday We'll Know'.
Me: Phwoar!!! They played at your time???
Bentham:My child, fate has it that you will only meet the man who is as good as you are. The act of waiting is a pain, but you are UP there. You are way above the league of this boy and the rest of your unfortunate encounters in the past.
Me: Thanks, (with a tear) and thanks for your kind words. I really appreciate it...TRULY.
Want me to open the cupboard so that you can take a stroll?
Bentham: No, it is my wish to be here. Go,my child, before winter sets in.
Me:I shall remember this. And I look forward to speaking to you soon. Thanks Jeremy, once again.
Thus, I went home with a smile. And danced to Franz Ferdinand.
And of course, The New Radicals, too.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Sunday, October 10, 2004
10 Things I Love about London
In No Particular Order...
1) I have my own Flat
Which means I can blast my music, dance around naked, barbeque rats, practice karaoke and bring home Big Issue Sellers without the prying eyes of others.
2) No One Gives a Shit about You
You can dress up like a doll and you will still fit into the crowd. Today I can be a goth, tommorrow a punk, the next a drag queen etcc... no one bothers. This is the place where I can finally wear my legwarmers without enduring stares.
3) Everyone has an I POD
In Malaysia, if you are seen with an I POD you are doomed to be robbed.
4) The Tube
Most would disagree with this part, but The Tube is a godsent invention. Efficient, fast and it doesn't induce nausea.
It is also a romantic muse;I've never seen so many people snog in such an unhygienic place.
5) Shopping
Nothing in this world beats several Body Shops and Zaras lined up on the same street. Knightsbridge is PARADISE.
6) Celebrities
Yes, there is a possibility you may bump into a member of The Strokes in the Tube, the Beckhams at Harrods, Jude Law in Covent Garden and Reyes kicking about in Hyde Park (I wish!) Fan culture means that I will camp outside Odeon in the cold to catch the premiere screenings of the upcoming London Film Festival... with the stars!
7) Arsenal
Highbury is only several tube stops away....
8) Faster Pace
People generally walk faster; which means no more waddling road hogs in front of you. If there is, run them down and you wont need to be sorry.
9) Heathrow
Not that I love heathrow the airport.. the fact that it is no longer three hours away by coach means that I can jet off any weekend to a sunny island to escape the occasional English blizzard.
10) Bayswater
FOOD. ICE RINK. CHEAP PHONECARDS. and the best ROAST DUCK RICE ON PLANET EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1) I have my own Flat
Which means I can blast my music, dance around naked, barbeque rats, practice karaoke and bring home Big Issue Sellers without the prying eyes of others.
2) No One Gives a Shit about You
You can dress up like a doll and you will still fit into the crowd. Today I can be a goth, tommorrow a punk, the next a drag queen etcc... no one bothers. This is the place where I can finally wear my legwarmers without enduring stares.
3) Everyone has an I POD
In Malaysia, if you are seen with an I POD you are doomed to be robbed.
4) The Tube
Most would disagree with this part, but The Tube is a godsent invention. Efficient, fast and it doesn't induce nausea.
It is also a romantic muse;I've never seen so many people snog in such an unhygienic place.
5) Shopping
Nothing in this world beats several Body Shops and Zaras lined up on the same street. Knightsbridge is PARADISE.
6) Celebrities
Yes, there is a possibility you may bump into a member of The Strokes in the Tube, the Beckhams at Harrods, Jude Law in Covent Garden and Reyes kicking about in Hyde Park (I wish!) Fan culture means that I will camp outside Odeon in the cold to catch the premiere screenings of the upcoming London Film Festival... with the stars!
7) Arsenal
Highbury is only several tube stops away....
8) Faster Pace
People generally walk faster; which means no more waddling road hogs in front of you. If there is, run them down and you wont need to be sorry.
9) Heathrow
Not that I love heathrow the airport.. the fact that it is no longer three hours away by coach means that I can jet off any weekend to a sunny island to escape the occasional English blizzard.
10) Bayswater
FOOD. ICE RINK. CHEAP PHONECARDS. and the best ROAST DUCK RICE ON PLANET EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Death in Tottenham Court Road
5:45pm: I walk briskly home from college, with my soul mate (aka. I Pod) tugged nicely into my ears crooning Santana's feat Jorge Moreno's 'Satellite'.
I walked.
The usual stuff; crossing the road, abiding by traffic rules and racing my way through masses of people waddling their way to the Warren Street tube station. It's everyday stuff.
Nothing New.
I walked past Sainsbury's and stopped briefly at the pedestrian junction. I needed to cross Tottenham Court Road in order to get back to my flat. The pedestrian light was green, but people were literally running across the street.
Why the hurry? I thought to myself in the mentality of a country bumpkin.
But the lights have been green for quite some time.
I took the chance and I crossed. Just like any other pedestrian.
I paced rather quickly.
But it turned orange when I was in the middle of the road.
With Jorge Moreno screaming into my ears, I conveniently did not hear the engine rev of the 100 vehicles waiting in line.
But my mind raced: RUN!
I ran.
A townie's motorbike and a car accelerated into me.
And that was it. My mind stalled. How did it happen?
God, it hurts.
I died.
It was the moment I turned my head to face those cars driving into me. But it was too late. Maybe I was still alive when it happened. Like a chance. A strange coincidence. That a fool should cross when the light turned orange. I heard sirens and I glanced at an ambulance.
And then I realised.
I was on the other side of the road.
The ambulance raced past me.
But much to your disappointment, I was OK.
and still am.
Perhaps I did die. Like a train of coincidences, everyone is bound to have a close shave with death.
Mine was inches close, I thought I felt an abrasion with an exhaust pipe.
My life could have just ended then.
I may not be typing this now.
WELCOME TO LONDON!!! WOOHOOOO!!
AND CROSS THE ROADS WITH EXTRA CARE!
'Life have many circles. But mine has only revolved once. The most important part is missing,' Los Amantes Del Circulo Polar
I walked.
The usual stuff; crossing the road, abiding by traffic rules and racing my way through masses of people waddling their way to the Warren Street tube station. It's everyday stuff.
Nothing New.
I walked past Sainsbury's and stopped briefly at the pedestrian junction. I needed to cross Tottenham Court Road in order to get back to my flat. The pedestrian light was green, but people were literally running across the street.
Why the hurry? I thought to myself in the mentality of a country bumpkin.
But the lights have been green for quite some time.
I took the chance and I crossed. Just like any other pedestrian.
I paced rather quickly.
But it turned orange when I was in the middle of the road.
With Jorge Moreno screaming into my ears, I conveniently did not hear the engine rev of the 100 vehicles waiting in line.
But my mind raced: RUN!
I ran.
A townie's motorbike and a car accelerated into me.
And that was it. My mind stalled. How did it happen?
God, it hurts.
I died.
It was the moment I turned my head to face those cars driving into me. But it was too late. Maybe I was still alive when it happened. Like a chance. A strange coincidence. That a fool should cross when the light turned orange. I heard sirens and I glanced at an ambulance.
And then I realised.
I was on the other side of the road.
The ambulance raced past me.
But much to your disappointment, I was OK.
and still am.
Perhaps I did die. Like a train of coincidences, everyone is bound to have a close shave with death.
Mine was inches close, I thought I felt an abrasion with an exhaust pipe.
My life could have just ended then.
I may not be typing this now.
WELCOME TO LONDON!!! WOOHOOOO!!
AND CROSS THE ROADS WITH EXTRA CARE!
'Life have many circles. But mine has only revolved once. The most important part is missing,' Los Amantes Del Circulo Polar
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Saturday, August 28, 2004
THE AGE OF GENIUSES
Too many complaints from my dear readers and too little time! I have been so inefficient in blogging lately courtesy of my virus stricken laptop and daily muses. After months of no lectures, I am depreciating into an illiterate. Anyhow, I promise I will make it up sometime in September after I return to dear old Britannia!!
For those who bother, I haven't been doing much lately, my e-mail account has been pissing me off, same ol' me still hunting for accomodation in London, drooling over Reyes on telly and scheming cunning means to stalk him in London.
Another earth shattering record... I haven't been to Zouk nor Velvet for two weeks and that is an achievement! Poverty battles my demons... I spent half my savings on Latin dance lessons, a new laptop and a pair of heels.
A few hours ago, my family and I played Monopoly ala Italian stylissimo and I was the second to reach bankruptcy. I bought the worst estates... a variety of train stations... who the hell in the right mind would do that?????
A levels and O Levels results have been released, and straight As are as common as a dustbin in every household. No offence, but almost everyone I know have straight As or 3 billion A stars this year. Soon, everyone will be a Freud, Verne, Jung, Einstein, Vermeer, Pavarotti, Joyce Streisand...
Oxbridge will have a surplus of prodigal applicants.
Yawn.
Time for 'kiasu'* parents to boast their trophies.
-----
*Kiasu is a SouthEast Asian term for people who are over-competitive and would go to diabolical means to outdo one another, including blood relations.
For those who bother, I haven't been doing much lately, my e-mail account has been pissing me off, same ol' me still hunting for accomodation in London, drooling over Reyes on telly and scheming cunning means to stalk him in London.
Another earth shattering record... I haven't been to Zouk nor Velvet for two weeks and that is an achievement! Poverty battles my demons... I spent half my savings on Latin dance lessons, a new laptop and a pair of heels.
A few hours ago, my family and I played Monopoly ala Italian stylissimo and I was the second to reach bankruptcy. I bought the worst estates... a variety of train stations... who the hell in the right mind would do that?????
A levels and O Levels results have been released, and straight As are as common as a dustbin in every household. No offence, but almost everyone I know have straight As or 3 billion A stars this year. Soon, everyone will be a Freud, Verne, Jung, Einstein, Vermeer, Pavarotti, Joyce Streisand...
Oxbridge will have a surplus of prodigal applicants.
Yawn.
Time for 'kiasu'* parents to boast their trophies.
-----
*Kiasu is a SouthEast Asian term for people who are over-competitive and would go to diabolical means to outdo one another, including blood relations.
Monday, August 23, 2004
Friday, August 20, 2004
LYN MUST NOT LOSE HER HUMOUR....
Hey all, really sorry cos I haven't been blogging lately...blame it on distractions and little adversities. But I will cope. And will try to keep my humour. Not that I've ever been comical at the start anyway.
Oh, I looked through my GCSE sketchbooks and I can't figure why I ended up with a 'C' for Art. There was an unemployed expat-turned-teacher in the name of Miss Jenny Marsh (unmarried for the most obvious reasons) whose visual inability led her to believe that I was possessed by Francisco Goya at some point. Therefore, she accused me of cheating. For an untrained teacher who couldn't tell the stylistic differences between a Renoir and a Monet, such accusations were phenomenal..... how did I manage to summon a Spanish Master on the eve of my GCSE Art Exam? I must have been a sharman when I was 17.
My art portfolio was refused to be externally marked as the result of her uneducated claims of witchcraft.
Conclusion: Do not send your children to Garden International School. Most teachers are the worst breed of unemployed university dropouts. Mr Robinson, Mr Shorthose, Miss Marsh and most were too unmemorable to name.
Oh, I looked through my GCSE sketchbooks and I can't figure why I ended up with a 'C' for Art. There was an unemployed expat-turned-teacher in the name of Miss Jenny Marsh (unmarried for the most obvious reasons) whose visual inability led her to believe that I was possessed by Francisco Goya at some point. Therefore, she accused me of cheating. For an untrained teacher who couldn't tell the stylistic differences between a Renoir and a Monet, such accusations were phenomenal..... how did I manage to summon a Spanish Master on the eve of my GCSE Art Exam? I must have been a sharman when I was 17.
My art portfolio was refused to be externally marked as the result of her uneducated claims of witchcraft.
Conclusion: Do not send your children to Garden International School. Most teachers are the worst breed of unemployed university dropouts. Mr Robinson, Mr Shorthose, Miss Marsh and most were too unmemorable to name.
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Expanding... expanding.... Big.. bigger.. BIGGEST!!!!!
Blogspot is becoming a pain in the ass, so here's my brand new backup site dedicated to my love for gawdy films.
EL CINE PARADISO
Not exactly launched yet, but will do so pretty soon as long as my wandering heart gets over an overdose of Reyes ecstasy.....
Yes, you've got it right.... ARSENAL 3 - 1 to MAN U.
Sweet dreams, Ferguson's dreamteam of toyboys have just been on show. (with the exception of 'Christiano Ronald Gay DO' and my personal favourite Van Donkey) But Arsie's Van Persie fit the picture perfectly....
More to come!
EL CINE PARADISO
Not exactly launched yet, but will do so pretty soon as long as my wandering heart gets over an overdose of Reyes ecstasy.....
Yes, you've got it right.... ARSENAL 3 - 1 to MAN U.
Sweet dreams, Ferguson's dreamteam of toyboys have just been on show. (with the exception of 'Christiano Ronald Gay DO' and my personal favourite Van Donkey) But Arsie's Van Persie fit the picture perfectly....
More to come!
Thursday, July 29, 2004
FACT vs MYTH
Home sweet home, indeed! On the 21st year of my life I made a stringent resolution to meet up with long lost pals etc.... so far so good! The comic relief lies in the outrageous rumours which have gone around and, coincidentially, reached my ears thanks to some undercover mates! Anyhow, I, the celebrity, am here to clarify the truth behind those rumours....
Myth #1: 'Lyn received an offer for Masters because there is simply no one else applying for a place in Film Studies, so one student is better than none,' said a Parisian Slut to her mother.
FALSE
This uneducated claim was made by a jealous barbie who had to fake her graduation and had to whore her way up the corporate ladder.
And I am sure a university would pusposefully run an entire department with 6 lecutrers solely for ONE student.
Truth is, I was fighting with 300 other applicants for 15 places for MA.
(To the slut: Silencio por favor, por que tu es una PUTA grande.)
Myth #2: ' Lyn will only date Spaniards,' said an Asianphile
FALSE
Firstly, this is purely the case of the kettle calling the pot black.
Secondly, if i was that desperate i would have dated every single Spaniard i know.,, the aerobics teacher, the waiter, the lengua instructor, the salsa boy etc.
Myth #3: 'Lyn used to be so damn hardworking and intelligent back in high school,' said a long lost schoolmate.
FALSE
This is the joke of the century. I barely passed my GCSEs and almost had an 'E' for Maths. Mr Rob said that I was 'slow'. I spent more time chewing gum in class than listening to crap expat teachers.
Myth #4: 'Lyn is married, because her status on Friendster said so.'
FALSE
Yeah, I am married at 21 with 3 kids. My husband is Jose Antonio Reyes.
Myth #5: 'Lyn is in an acting school in London.'
HALF- FALSE
2 years ago, I was contemplating Guildhall for a BA in acting. But if you have seen me doing The Crucible at Actor's Studio box you would conclude that there is absolutely no future in me.
Myth #6: 'Lyn is a party thug.'
FALSE
I don't drink alcohol cos it makes you fat. I don't sleaze dance with random men. I only go out twice a week. And I don't look like a thug.
Myth #7: 'Lyn is dating x,y, and z.'
FALSE
I was single through 1 year of pre-uni, 3 years of university and I shall continue stretching the record of going through masters in solitude. You see, being unattractive is rather,..... pain inducing......
Myth #8: 'Lyn is sooooo fat now!!.'
TRUE
Obesity is the result of happiness.
Myth #9: 'Lyn is really nice!'
HALF-FALSE
I can only count on two hands the number of people whom I am genuinely nice to.
Ever heard of wolf in sheep's clothing?
Myth #1: 'Lyn received an offer for Masters because there is simply no one else applying for a place in Film Studies, so one student is better than none,' said a Parisian Slut to her mother.
FALSE
This uneducated claim was made by a jealous barbie who had to fake her graduation and had to whore her way up the corporate ladder.
And I am sure a university would pusposefully run an entire department with 6 lecutrers solely for ONE student.
Truth is, I was fighting with 300 other applicants for 15 places for MA.
(To the slut: Silencio por favor, por que tu es una PUTA grande.)
Myth #2: ' Lyn will only date Spaniards,' said an Asianphile
FALSE
Firstly, this is purely the case of the kettle calling the pot black.
Secondly, if i was that desperate i would have dated every single Spaniard i know.,, the aerobics teacher, the waiter, the lengua instructor, the salsa boy etc.
Myth #3: 'Lyn used to be so damn hardworking and intelligent back in high school,' said a long lost schoolmate.
FALSE
This is the joke of the century. I barely passed my GCSEs and almost had an 'E' for Maths. Mr Rob said that I was 'slow'. I spent more time chewing gum in class than listening to crap expat teachers.
Myth #4: 'Lyn is married, because her status on Friendster said so.'
FALSE
Yeah, I am married at 21 with 3 kids. My husband is Jose Antonio Reyes.
Myth #5: 'Lyn is in an acting school in London.'
HALF- FALSE
2 years ago, I was contemplating Guildhall for a BA in acting. But if you have seen me doing The Crucible at Actor's Studio box you would conclude that there is absolutely no future in me.
Myth #6: 'Lyn is a party thug.'
FALSE
I don't drink alcohol cos it makes you fat. I don't sleaze dance with random men. I only go out twice a week. And I don't look like a thug.
Myth #7: 'Lyn is dating x,y, and z.'
FALSE
I was single through 1 year of pre-uni, 3 years of university and I shall continue stretching the record of going through masters in solitude. You see, being unattractive is rather,..... pain inducing......
Myth #8: 'Lyn is sooooo fat now!!.'
TRUE
Obesity is the result of happiness.
Myth #9: 'Lyn is really nice!'
HALF-FALSE
I can only count on two hands the number of people whom I am genuinely nice to.
Ever heard of wolf in sheep's clothing?
Monday, July 19, 2004
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